cell
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
I wonder if its easy for me to express myself more...in person with friends and/or family or...online here or chatting with someone like say..msn or aim....I'm confused about myself.
It could go either way. I find myself trying not to be so shy online and in person. It takes a few good friends to bring me out of my shell once in a while, and also when I'm getting to know some cool people I meet on here or in real life. I could be talkative if you get enough Jell-O shots w/tequila in me.
I think the hardest part for me, is I'm afraid that people will think I'm boring as hell once they get to meet me or whatever. Yes, some people will say its stupid but hey...I have my reasons and experiences. I suck at conversations. Big time. I don't know what to say when im talking to anyone anymore. Choose my favorite topic, and I'm sure I'll suck at it too. Last night, my sister came over and was talking to my mom. I walked in and sat on the couch next to them, trying to be present, alive, be a member of the family...yada yada yada...maybe trying to fit in...wierd feeling that I have is that I feel like I dont fit in, in my own family. I was wearing make-up that day, and its rare that I do if I'm home...she kept talking to my mom, and then looked over and she couldnt believe it. "Your wearing makeup!!" I just looked at her, did this really big fake smile and gave her 2 and she laughed, not knowing if I was being a butt or whatever...I guess you had to be there. I didnt know what to say. And I'm supposed to be good at acting or speech. I'm considered "the smart one" in the family. And I can't get a job. Go figure. Today was not such a good day...
It could go either way. I find myself trying not to be so shy online and in person. It takes a few good friends to bring me out of my shell once in a while, and also when I'm getting to know some cool people I meet on here or in real life. I could be talkative if you get enough Jell-O shots w/tequila in me.
I think the hardest part for me, is I'm afraid that people will think I'm boring as hell once they get to meet me or whatever. Yes, some people will say its stupid but hey...I have my reasons and experiences. I suck at conversations. Big time. I don't know what to say when im talking to anyone anymore. Choose my favorite topic, and I'm sure I'll suck at it too. Last night, my sister came over and was talking to my mom. I walked in and sat on the couch next to them, trying to be present, alive, be a member of the family...yada yada yada...maybe trying to fit in...wierd feeling that I have is that I feel like I dont fit in, in my own family. I was wearing make-up that day, and its rare that I do if I'm home...she kept talking to my mom, and then looked over and she couldnt believe it. "Your wearing makeup!!" I just looked at her, did this really big fake smile and gave her 2 and she laughed, not knowing if I was being a butt or whatever...I guess you had to be there. I didnt know what to say. And I'm supposed to be good at acting or speech. I'm considered "the smart one" in the family. And I can't get a job. Go figure. Today was not such a good day...