I'm 21 and a Recluse

[namkcuR]

I turn 21 today and I've never held a job in my life. I graduated from 2-year community college in June with an Associate's Degree in Web Development. I realized before the school year was even over, however, that I wasn't sure Web Development was what I wanted to do at all. I want to eventually get a 4-year degree, but due to circumstance, I'm going to have to do four whole more years instead of just transferring and adding on the two years I already did. I didn't want to commit to four years of a major that I'm not at all sure about. I wanted time to think about life, whether WebDev is what I want, and if not, what it is I do want to major in and do. So I'm taking a year off. And while I'm doing that, I'll get a job - a non-career nothing job ala record store kind of thing, so I can make some money and not be a loser who does nothing during this year off.

Here's the other problem: I'm fairly certain I have what's called Social Anxiety Disorder or Social Phobia. The idea of sitting down for a job interview, let alone helping customers on a daily basis, makes me very nervous. As such, I keep procastinating on getting that nothing-make-money-kill-time job, always finding a reason not to do it. What's worse, I think the only way to get over this phobia is to face it. But every time I start thinking about it, - and keep in mind that there's a part of me who despises myself for sitting around and doing nothing all day(nothing meaning Interference ) - I end up getting that nervous feeling and killing the thought so that I can feel normal again.

I'm a recluse at 21. Am I a loser? Or am I just a kid with some problems?

 

[Carek1230]

Oh hell no you are not a loser! Don't beat yourself up like that! First of all, congratulations on turning 21, on becoming an "official legal adult" and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! For the social disorders I might suggest seeing someone, there are agencies, doctors, psychologists, books, support groups and medications to help you with this. You are not alone! Many others share exactly what you are experiencing! I went through a phase after a divorce where I felt like I was socially disfunctional and scared to death about life in general and I was an adult in my early 30's. I had an awesome counselor who helped me pick myself up and put my life back on track and she also recommended a book to me that was really helpful. I've recommended it to friends over and over, it's called "Face your Fears but do it Anyway". I am a different person, and I owe a lot to that book. As for the education questions.....my son is 19 and in his 2nd year of college. He is doing alright but not really sure what he wants to do. He is in a four year college and was advised that more than likely he will change his major several times. It happens. If you are unsure and not wanting to commit to another 4 years of school, then perhaps a break with a job as you mentioned at a record store or whatnot might give you the break you need. During the break you can work on the other things and it would be good to work with the public in a store/retail environment also. So give yourself a big pat on the back, you are thinking in the right direction.....put one foot in front of the other slowly taking baby steps and one day at a time. It's the best any of us can do for ourselves. You are going to be alright. Keep checking back, or feel free to PM me.....I'd love to help in any way I can. Good luck to you! Enjoy your birthday!

 

[Bonochick]

I got a two year degree...Computer Application Specialization. I had been contemplating a 4 year Computer Science degree...but the higher end math and programming classes scared me. I browsed through the other programs...but I saw none that were appealing enough for me to commit 4 years of my life to...not to mention taking out more student loans.

You're not a loser at all. You just have some problems that I (and I'm sure many others) can relate with.

I have a lot of problems with social anxiety. It's debilitating at times. It's been really bad lately, and even the thought of going out to dinner with my boyfriend sends me in a panic because I'm afraid of being away from home. Getting to work and back is a major feat for me. One day at work though, a field worker didn't show up, and there were no other options left but to dispatch me. I was so upset I almost passed out. I cried the entire way there...but I got through it...very successfully to, as the client loved me and wanted me to be her regular worker.

I'm excited for the U2 show I'm going to next month, but I'm also really scared to go because being away from home makes me so nervous. I told everyone the reason I didn't buy a ticket was money...but that was only part of it. I've been to major concerts before, but I was always with my dad, and I felt a lot safer.

But...like you said...gotta face your phobia. So...look out, Bono, here I come!

Good luck with things. If you ever want to talk, get in touch!

 

[Numb1075]

I would bet that many people at age 21 have some sort of disorder preventing them from living life to the fullest. I'd also bet, that many people at age 21 have no clue what they want to do w/ life.

Heck, I'm gonna be 30 soon and still have no idea what I want to do for a career (other than being Bono's drinking buddy and personal assistant)

Stuck in a Moment: IT'S JUST A MOMENT, THIS TIME WILL PASS

 

[U2DMfan]

Not a loser at all, people have emotional problems it's just a symptom of the universe.

I have all kinds of anxiety problems and I'm 30.

The truth is, people suck and are a bitch to deal with.
So you deal with them and move on. Just know you are certainly not alone, there are millions of people with anxiety problems.

 

[girlhappy]

I had a rough time at that time(21 )myself. I promise> things will be better soon! Not that i am happy now, but eventually you will be better. Because, when i was 22 i became blissfully happy finding exactly what i want( university). So, in that young and changeble years everything is stil possible! Hold on tightly!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I'm pretty reclusive too, and I have anxiety issues..I ain't 21 either

I don't know, just in my experience I find "reclusive" types to be nicer people in general. People who are the life of the party types and very outgoing are sometimes merely trying to disguise their insecurities under all that. They can be annoying too.

Maybe you could try " baby step" type things if your anxiety is bothering you. It can get worse if you don't take those baby steps, just in my experience. You are aware of it and that is the first big step. If it really bothers you there are meds you can take, I have avoided those but it is a possibility if you're interested.

You're not a "loser", I hate that word. You have to love yourself in this life and just do the best w/ what you have, try to change what you don't like and keep what you do like about yourself.

 

[Hallucination]

You're alright namkcuR. When I was 21 I was kind of the same(wihtou the schooling). I wanted to work but wasn't sure where to go and what to do and I didn't want to go through the whole interview process. I ended up not working for an entire year. Sounds lazy but I honestly think I needed it. I spent that year doing alot of nothing and not seeing my friends very often at all. I just did my own thing which included whatever the day brought on. Somedays I'd sleep all day, other days I'd walk all day, I read, I watched movies, I did whatever. I applied at a few places for jobs but never really followed up on them. It's possible you're just in that place also. You said you've never worked a job before so being nervous about the whole process is completely normal. Even people who have been through a hundred interviews and dozens of jobs are nervous at the thought of begining again. What I came to learn is that I won't do anything I don't enjoy. Untill you truely find what you want to do, keep moving on. Work a job for awhile and when it becomes old quit and reevaluate. I highly doubt you are a loser. You may just be at your first crossroad in life. I'm there now again. Time to find a new job. I'm tired of the one I'm at, even though I enjoyed it for three years but I know it's not me and it's time to move on. I'm nervous about it though becasue what do I move on to? It's tough but that;s how we grow as people. If everything was safe and cozey ther would be no point in wakeing up in the morning.

 

[nbcrusader]

You are not a recluse. And there could be many reasons why you would fear a job interview or daily customer contact. I felt the same way at 21.

These are challenges that you can conquer. Attack it head on. Go on interviews for jobs you don't care about - just to get practice. If there were things you didn't like about the interview, think about what you could have done and use it on the next interview. Just as you studies web design, study interviewing and develop it as a skill. Soon you will have the job you want.

 

[For Honor]

"Stuck in a moment", I think I will just make refernces to that song from now on.

It applies here, too. IF you want it to merely be a moment, that is....

 

[blueeyedgirl]

Here's the other problem: I'm fairly certain I have what's called Social Anxiety Disorder or Social Phobia. The idea of sitting down for a job interview, let alone helping customers on a daily basis, makes me very nervous. As such, I keep procastinating on getting that nothing-make-money-kill-time job, always finding a reason not to do it. What's worse, I think the only way to get over this phobia is to face it. But every time I start thinking about it, - and keep in mind that there's a part of me who despises myself for sitting around and doing nothing all day(nothing meaning Interference ) - I end up getting that nervous feeling and killing the thought so that I can feel normal again.

I'm a recluse at 21. Am I a loser? Or am I just a kid with some problems?

I strongly recommend you do seek some form of counselling or reading self-help books dealing in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is also very helpful. Your current situation may seem overwhelming, but be assured, there is help!

And as for the career thing, I don't think there is one of us who knows for sure what they want to do. I've spoken to successful career people in their late 30's and they're still unsure!

 

[Liesje]

I would bet that many people at age 21 have some sort of disorder preventing them from living life to the fullest. I'd also bet, that many people at age 21 have no clue what they want to do w/ life.

Heck, I'm gonna be 30 soon and still have no idea what I want to do for a career (other than being Bono's drinking buddy and personal assistant)

Stuck in a Moment: IT'S JUST A MOMENT, THIS TIME WILL PASS

Perfectly stated. I turned 21 a week ago and I really have NO CLUE what I want to do after I graduate in May. Hell, right now, my life = passing time between U2 shows! Unlike you though, I've had to work since I was 14 b/c my parents can't support me or help with school, but I used to be really shy until I got this job fixing computers and helping people over the phone. It was scary at first, but I figured they wouldn't hire me if they didn't think I could do it. Now my confidence around new people is much higher. I got this web development internship for this spring and I actually told the place that I thought their website needed help and I could fix it. I never would have had the balls to do something like that before, but they ended up liking my ideas and I got the internship.

My advice would be to put yourself out there, not all at once, but little by little and you'll get better at it. Even if you do have a social anxiety disorder, all that tells you is that you might always have problems in social situations or around new people, but you still have to try. It gets easier with every new person I help and every phone call I make, believe me. I never thought I'd be doing what I am today.

 

[Got Philk?]

I'm going to tell you what someone told me this past week. But first, I'm 23 and still have no idea(well, lots of ridiculous ideas but..) what I want to do.

Here's my advice given to me by a man who runs the entire United Center. I asked him how I could work for the United Center and he laughed b/c he started as a food/trash cleanup worker back in the day. He said, "get yourself out there. Just do something and you know what, you could either end up working your way up there, or meet someone who works elsewhere and end up doing something else."

 

[Numb1075]

I'm going to tell you what someone told me this past week. But first, I'm 23 and still have no idea(well, lots of ridiculous ideas but..) what I want to do.

Here's my advice given to me by a man who runs the entire United Center. I asked him how I could work for the United Center and he laughed b/c he started as a food/trash cleanup worker back in the day. He said, "get yourself out there. Just do something and you know what, you could either end up working your way up there, or meet someone who works elsewhere and end up doing something else."

Ah, NETWORKING....excellent advice

 

[chickadee]

No, you're not a recluse or a loser! I've had problems with anxiety and depression for a few years now and as such the last years of uni have been really hard for me. But I've seen someone about it which helped, although right now I'm doing so much better just because I decided I HAD to start doing stuff that scared me, otherwise I wasn't going to get anywhere. I'd definitely recommend going to speak to someone about it, it'll help in the first instance.

 

[anitram]

I do notice a trend here of people giving you advice about how to change, and how to become more adaptable to living in society.

The truth is that all current psychological and psychiatric research points to introverts/loners as a matter of genetics, and finally, finally, there is the acceptance in the scientific community that this is inborn and cannot be changed. A good proportion of people really are loners or recluses, it's not a bad word with only negative connotations.

 

[chickadee]

No, it's not a bad thing and I came to accept ages ago that I'm not outgoing or going to have loads of friends, whatever. But having anxiety and panic problems is not a good thing, and having them sorted out doesn't change you as a person fundamentally, but it makes living easier, trust me.

 

[For Honor]

See, I'm living a slightly reclusive lifestlye, having a few months off until January, when i go to college.

I was reclusive, but then I had a major personality overhaul within the last year or so. It was like shedding one's skin, and very, very interesting. I note my change......

Anyhow..


anitram has a point. I know it is said to be scientifically backed, so, my point is kind of unneccesary, but really, I believe there are people who just are not as inclined to social activity as others. THis does not mean there is anything wrong with them, though.


I remember when I couldn't stand talking at all...
that side of me is still there, but things have changed, on some levels....



I think there's knowing yourself, and knowing what you want. If you can find a reasonable meeting of those two things, then "what you are" can be a positive thing for an individual..... generally speaking... ... ... ... ... ... ...