sami0201
Blue Crack Addict
Ok I did something really really bad and now someone knows and now I'm scared that everyone is going to find out and it could cause me to lose like half of my friends and only one person knows so I can't even talk to my friends about it and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I have a friend who has been going out with this guy for like two years but they broke up when she went to college (the same school as me). I have liked him for OVER two years but obviously never acted on it or anything but we have always had a "thing", I can't explain it. Over winter break I wasn't sober and I told him and we just had a conversation about it but whatever, nothing ever happened, no big deal. This weekend we were both in the same place and his ex (my friend) wasn't there (even though they aren't technically together anymore they still like each other and talk all the time and he came to visit a few weeks ago). But I should just tell you that they may have loved each other, I'm sure they did but he was never faithful to her and she knows all about it. So we were both not in a clear state of mind, just dancing at a club, nothing going on. His hands started to wander and I told him that he's just being drunk and he should stop because I'm friends with the ex. He pulled me aside and told me all this stuff, about how he has felt something for me since we went to a concert in tenth grade- I just started college (I know he was drunk but if it wasn't partly sincere he probably wouldn't have brought up that random concert?) And just like whenever I'm with him and the ex he's always freaking looking at me and of course I notice it and I know I sound self involved but he really alway does look at me, to the point where once we were all in the same room and my friend (the only one who knows about my thing for him) texted me "he is staring at you". So anyway he's telling me how he's felt something for me since then and I've always been so intruiging and quiet and blah blah. So I was like I've felt the same for over 2 years etc, nothing he didn't already know. All that happened was that we danced, that's IT. Then we went back to where we were staying (our friends that we were staying with are in the same community) and his best friend stayed in my frienid's room with us (her roommate wasn't there) and I got into a huge fight with my other friends and I was hysterically crying at like 4am and the guy's friend who was staying with us was like I'm going to call him he will know what to say. So he came over and by the time he got to the room I wasn't crying anymore but we were just talking and stuff, NOTHING bad happening. And he was just being really sweet and like touching my face or brushing the hair out of my eyes or whatever. So his friend ended up passing out with my friend in her bed and me and him were up but just talking and stuff. We were laying down just talking on the other bed but he would like kiss my neck or my ear or something or he would kiss me but not like fully kiss I don't know. It was like he wanted to but he knew he couldn't so he was like holding back, it was weird. Then we were all up again and we were all just hanging out and he asked me to scratch his back so I was but nothing bad was going on. We all passed out by like 7:30am. Then the next morning I woke up by 9:30 because I had to leave and he wasn't drunk and he was STILL like touching me and just being the same so he must have meant SOMETHING when he said that. Anyway the next night he was drunk and told his ex's best friend (I'm sorry this is confusing but I don't want to use names just incase) who I am good friends with. I'm better friends with her then with the ex. He told her everything that happened. She said to me "*** told me not good things that happened last night" and I told her that NOTHING happened besides me dancing with him and sleeping in bed (it really didn't, no hooking up or making out or whatever you would like to call it) and she believes me but she's like "I still think it's disrespectful that you slept in the same bed" and blabla and obviously I agree and I know it was. I asked her to please not say anything to the ex and she's like "I guess I won't". I really hope she doesn't but at the same time I feel like she will. And I am FREAKING OUT. Because even though nothing happened I KNOW that it was wrong to still do that even though they technically aren't together anymore. And the ex is not one of my best friends or anything but we ARE friends and I am good friends with a lot of people who are friends with her. And the only other person besides her best friend who knows is the girl who's room we were staying in obviously but I know she would never ever say anything. So, yeah. I got myself into a really really bad situation. I hate him for telling the friend and I hate the friend for knowing and if she tells the ex my life will basically be ruined. I want to call him and tell him that I can't believe he did that but I feel like maybe I should just let it be. And I know it was a terrible thing to do and normally, just because I've liked him for so long, I wouldn't care. But it's just the fact that a few of my good friends are her best friends and all the new friends we made are also friends with her and if everyone found out I don't know how they would react, because it was really me who did a bad thing. And I also feel like the fact that I am hiding it makes it seem worse if she ever was to find out, it makes it seem like I did something wrong. But I don't want to just tell her and make it a bigger deal than it was.
I hope you were able to follow along with that, I hope it makes a little sense. But I really just need 100% honest opinions and advice please.
I hope you were able to follow along with that, I hope it makes a little sense. But I really just need 100% honest opinions and advice please.