getting over first love

[marik]

just curious as to what others have experienced....

dated girl for 4 yrs (from age 19 to 23, now 24), first love, thought we were going to get married one day, etc.

broke up....for no real important reason, we were just getting tired of each other...arguing....no betrayal or anything.

tried to stay best friends, or at least friends.

I couldnt cuz it was too hard hearing about her moving on, liking new guys, etc. so i told her she can't be part of my life. (this is very strange behaviour for me, i cant believe i did that) we have stopped talking for many months now.

OK, SO THIS IS MY ISSUE...

she does still cross my mind somedays, and i think fondly of our times, but by no means am i hung up on her. at least i dont think so. HOWEVER, i feel that maybe indirectly it is still affecting me, as i have next to NO interest in getting to know new girls. other girls are wanting to get date, get close to me, etc, and they have remarked (and i've also felt) that i am refusing to let them close to me. it's almost like my heart has hardened. the thought of feeling strongly for a girl and letting myself go again, is not appealing at all.

i assume the 2 things are connected (ex, and current feelings)

anyone ever have similar experience, or interesting comments (other than the expected "let yourself love again" )

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

I wish I could explain to you how much I feel for you and truly understand what it is you're going through.

I haven't made up my mind yet, where I am. Whether I want to go back or move on. Love or hate her. I don't know. Some days are just different and it all comes with different moods.

I just wanted to let you know that it's not anything out of the ordinary. Maybe someone else who has this all figured out can shed some light.

 

[discotech]

three's company. i'm in the same boat, guys. i really want to move on and forget about her, but i have no interest in any other girl right now. we're still friends actually, which probably makes it worse -- i know she still isn't over me either (i used to think that it was just wishful thinking but there's no question). but it's been getting better as time goes by, so i guess i'll get over this sooner or later.

 

[Sweet Tart]

you can definately get to a point after you break up with someone you love where you don't want them back but your just not ready to move forward with someone else. i went through that with my ex and sometimes i still feel that way and it's been over 2 years. with time this will pass...i'm sure of it.

 

[UberBeaver]

Well, it's been 12 years since my first love I still think about her now and then, rather fondly. I've since gotten married and whatnot, but I think your first love stays with you. Go out on some dates, prove to yourself that life goes on, and eventually she'll become a nice memory in the back of your mind.

 

[Carek1230]

Time heals. A First Love will always remain just that, with a special place in your heart and soul, something you will never forget. You will one day come to the realization whether you want to renew a relationship with that first love or move on in your life.

My son is 20 and going through this. He's been on again off again with the same girl for 5 years. She moved with her family back to NY and they still keep in touch and visit one another, but neither can seem to let go and date others. My son tells me he thinks this is the girl for him and that they are just waiting until they each finish college to see where they will be in their respective lives and go from there. Still, it's difficuly for my son to go out with other girls because he feels like he needs to remain faithful to his first love. She on the other had has had several short term flings with guy friends but it just messes with her head and she gets all super emotional and comes crying back to my son. Maybe they are destined to be together, I am just proud of the both of them for being so realistic with their geographical distance and allowing themselves to make school their first real priority.

Still, and I tell my son AND his friend the same thing, do not completely put your life on hold. You deserve to get out there and have fun, enjoy and experience LIFE while you are young....Don't grow old regretting that you didn't do things or travel places. So don't just put yourself on hold while you try to decide what is the right thing for you to do. By going out with other people, it will test you and help bring the answer whether you want to move on or go back to that First Love.

Good luck all!

 

[greeneyedgirl]

I dated a guy in high school for 3 years.
Everything was perfect.
Then he broke up with me.
He needed some time alone, wanted to date other girls, thought that we were going nowhere.
I was completely heartbroken. Did not see this coming at all. I was deeply depressed, couldn't get excited about anything. I was going to start college in 3 months and thought that getting away would make it easier.
I was fine. Life was good. I started dating and having a blast.
Chirstmas came and the boy started to miss me. None of his new girlfriends were "me".
He begged me to come back to him. He knew now that he was wrong. He knew now that I was The One.

So...I decided to get back at him.
Been married to him for 17 years now

Even if she is not The One, go ahead and let yourself move on.
Its important for you to see what else is out there.
Chances are, there is lot out there for you to look at.
Good Luck

 

[discotech]

^ thats a great story!







though i did get suspiscious when you explained that he broke up with you and you didn't tear him to shreds

 

[greeneyedgirl]

Not to derail, but.....every time he took out a diff girl, something horrible happened
Gina....he dropped her and broke her leg
Sherry.....at a concert, he got wasted and puked on the guy in front of him.
and it just goes down hill from there.......

So, I think he got what he deserved.
Plus, I bring it up 3-4 times a year......when I really want something

 

[For Honor]

I like to consider first love experiences as births of fire. learning experiences.

Most importantly, you can learn how to let go of love, and all the misconceptions that can come from getting emotionally involved with another person.

I think you get over another person when you really understand that you want to be over with that person, and for different people it means different things in order for that to happen. Logical things worked for me. Some people prefer others. No matter what you'll find your own way, I suppose.

I'm glad to say that I am over my first love, or more so, the illusion of love and relationship that I had experienced.


It was an invaluable learning experience, though. I would recommend it to anyone.

 

[kafrun]

I like to consider first love experiences as births of fire. learning experiences.

Most importantly, you can learn how to let go of love, and all the misconceptions that can come from getting emotionally involved with another person.

I really like your take on it.. that's very much the way I saw the end of my first relationship.

I don't think there's anything really wrong with reflecting back and letting it evoke feelings in you from time to time. Just don't get caught up in it. Take what you want from it and keep moving on..