preciousstone
The Fly
I just recently ended a fifteen-year close friendship with a highschool pal, and now I'm doubting on whether I was being justified and fair, or whether I was in the right or wrong. I trust you will give unjudgmental feedback since you have no reason to be biased on either party.
My friend recently displayed a lack of loyalty by badmouthing me in front of other people and allowing a certain person badmouthing me and even verbally AND nearly physically attacking me. She even went so far as to leaving me at the bar alone while she chatted with him gayly in the corner, far away from me, even hugging him and telling him that she has always liked him, right in front me, and right after the altercation happened.
I require fierce loyalty with my friends, as I do need it. People are always trying to break me down, they don't understand me and since I'm different and I don't conform to society as well as they'd like me to, I'm snubbed like an outcast. I stick out like a sore thumb, I'm always the center of attention, and some people can't handle it. I've always had one or two people that strongly disliked me. It comes with the territory.
My definition of fierce loyalty is always backing up your friends, be it during conversation when someone slips in an insult about your friend- you don't allow it, you contradict their effort to shoot your friend down (it's a total disrespect and lack of class for someone to badmouth your best friend right in front of you anyhow) to always being there for your best friend and taking their feelings into consideration. (Unfortunately sophistication, grace, empathy, intelligence, sensitivity, and class are a rarity nowadays.)
I don't want anyone to hold me back during a fight, yet to stand behind me and make sure I don't get an unfair punch, I expect for people NOT to tolerate any insult made about me- making their allegations void and null, I expect an apology when my feelings are hurt due to my friend's actions or lack of actions thereof, I expect honesty- yet with tact, if there's something that I need to fix internally- let me know, but try not to hurt my feelings while doing so. I expect that if I'm on a downward spiraling or self-destructive path, that my friends would confront me on or perhaps stage an invervention. I expect that if someone is abusing me, physically, emotionally, or even without my knowledge (like a lover cheating on you or stealing from you or something along that criteria, etc) my friends will be strong enough during the time I possibly won't have enough strength to even stand on my own two feet, and they will help me realize that I need to leave this person for my own health and happiness and they will be honest and upfront with me- with tact, always.
I expect for my friends to always be there or at least try to be when I'm having a rough time, return calls in a prompt manner, to call in and cancel when they can't make a date, and never cancel last minute for their significant other or a date. I expect friends to especially listen to me. Listen to what I say. Just listen.
You never necessarily have to figure and solve the problem for me, but sometimes I just really need a good listener and that, in its own, creates a realm of peace and faith.
Now I'm not expecting these things without giving them.
I have demonstrated all of these qualities time and time again.
It's easy.
You just have to stand back and say to yourself, "How would I like to be treated in this situation?"
Therefore I give nothing but the best, and 100%, fierce loyalty to my good friends and now I'm being ostracized and picked apart for it by my friend in question. She disagreed with my idea of loyalty and said that all of that should not be expected within friendship.
I say, "With friends like you, who needs enemies?"
Who is right?
My friend recently displayed a lack of loyalty by badmouthing me in front of other people and allowing a certain person badmouthing me and even verbally AND nearly physically attacking me. She even went so far as to leaving me at the bar alone while she chatted with him gayly in the corner, far away from me, even hugging him and telling him that she has always liked him, right in front me, and right after the altercation happened.
I require fierce loyalty with my friends, as I do need it. People are always trying to break me down, they don't understand me and since I'm different and I don't conform to society as well as they'd like me to, I'm snubbed like an outcast. I stick out like a sore thumb, I'm always the center of attention, and some people can't handle it. I've always had one or two people that strongly disliked me. It comes with the territory.
My definition of fierce loyalty is always backing up your friends, be it during conversation when someone slips in an insult about your friend- you don't allow it, you contradict their effort to shoot your friend down (it's a total disrespect and lack of class for someone to badmouth your best friend right in front of you anyhow) to always being there for your best friend and taking their feelings into consideration. (Unfortunately sophistication, grace, empathy, intelligence, sensitivity, and class are a rarity nowadays.)
I don't want anyone to hold me back during a fight, yet to stand behind me and make sure I don't get an unfair punch, I expect for people NOT to tolerate any insult made about me- making their allegations void and null, I expect an apology when my feelings are hurt due to my friend's actions or lack of actions thereof, I expect honesty- yet with tact, if there's something that I need to fix internally- let me know, but try not to hurt my feelings while doing so. I expect that if I'm on a downward spiraling or self-destructive path, that my friends would confront me on or perhaps stage an invervention. I expect that if someone is abusing me, physically, emotionally, or even without my knowledge (like a lover cheating on you or stealing from you or something along that criteria, etc) my friends will be strong enough during the time I possibly won't have enough strength to even stand on my own two feet, and they will help me realize that I need to leave this person for my own health and happiness and they will be honest and upfront with me- with tact, always.
I expect for my friends to always be there or at least try to be when I'm having a rough time, return calls in a prompt manner, to call in and cancel when they can't make a date, and never cancel last minute for their significant other or a date. I expect friends to especially listen to me. Listen to what I say. Just listen.
You never necessarily have to figure and solve the problem for me, but sometimes I just really need a good listener and that, in its own, creates a realm of peace and faith.
Now I'm not expecting these things without giving them.
I have demonstrated all of these qualities time and time again.
It's easy.
You just have to stand back and say to yourself, "How would I like to be treated in this situation?"
Therefore I give nothing but the best, and 100%, fierce loyalty to my good friends and now I'm being ostracized and picked apart for it by my friend in question. She disagreed with my idea of loyalty and said that all of that should not be expected within friendship.
I say, "With friends like you, who needs enemies?"
Who is right?
