Zoots
Blue Crack Supplier
Personally I think he's the funniest guy on the planet! Can't believe that there has never been a thread about him! For those that are going he's a British stand-up comic who wears women's clothes. Yes, he is a self proclaimed and proud transvestite. But you get over the initial shock pretty soon after you discover how damn funny he is. He jokes about everything from popular culture, history, mythology, world events, current affairs to everyday things like lawnmowers, showers, toasters, grandmothers and jam! lots and lots of jam covering the earth completely!
Quotes
1. I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
2. If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver," and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.
3. We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain." And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard!"
4. I like my coffee like I like my women...in a plastic cup.
5. Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."
6. My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. (Runs screaming) AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!
If this is new to you, go out and get 'Dress To Kill' on DVD now!
Quotes
1. I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
2. If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver," and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.
3. We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain." And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard!"
4. I like my coffee like I like my women...in a plastic cup.
5. Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."
6. My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. (Runs screaming) AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!
If this is new to you, go out and get 'Dress To Kill' on DVD now!