Laird/Bono
Refugee
RedrocksU2 said:
can we have a corny jokes thread?
- Thread starter tuwie
- Start date
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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Sicy said:
Yes of course, I should not to try to have any fun like anyone else.
I'll just go back to being the big bad mean admin now. Bye
nooo i didn't mean it like that i meant it like i expected a better joke(not as in taste) (like as in is that all you got...digging myself big hole here oh boy)...sorry i didnt mean it to be taken like that
it was silly stupid sarcastic remark that's all.
Last edited:
Oh. well.. I suck at jokes 
I think I just really hate this smilie --> 
I should delete it
No worries.. sorry for the misunderstanding!
I should delete it
No worries.. sorry for the misunderstanding!
Sicy said:Oh. well.. I suck at jokes
ahh no honestly i am probably far worse....i am more situational humour like walking into lamp posts
Just completely ignore what i said earlier it was a stupid silly thing executed very poorly...if you think your bad...was not my feeble attempt worse
This is called panicking
Ahh i really killed this thread
Last edited:
Laird/Bono
Refugee
........no don't give up!!!!!!!
Two Rabbis walk into a laundromat.... ...c'mon anybody with me????
Two Rabbis walk into a laundromat.... ...c'mon anybody with me????
OP
OP
tuwie
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
hhahah i love the monkey jokes <3<3
what do you call a bunch of rabbits hopping backwards?
a receeding hareline!! HA! =)
what do you call a bunch of rabbits hopping backwards?
a receeding hareline!! HA! =)
Laird/Bono
Refugee
What do you call MEATLOAF'S roadies?
Hamburger helper!!
Hamburger helper!!
{paintedroses}
New Yorker
tuwie said:
Laird/Bono
Refugee
awww c'mon..... HAMBURGER HELPER!!!!
Eliv8
Refugee
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, “Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on Interference,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, “Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on Interference,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Laird/Bono
Refugee
Two women leave a pub , drunk after a night of pints. One says to the other; I know a shortcut through the cemetary. The other says great, but I have to pee.
Go behind that headstone... says her friend. After she finishes, realized she had no tissue so she used her panties.
Other girl says ; I have to go now too but I'm not throwing out my Victoria's Secret drawers... hand me that ribbon from that headstone...
Next day husband of one woman calls husband of the other...
Tom ..these girls nights out have to stop, my wife came home with no panties last night...
That's nothin' says Tom MY WIFE came home with a card stuck to her ass that read ... "Thanks for the memories... we'll never forget you" - From the boys at the Brentwood Fire Dept.
Go behind that headstone... says her friend. After she finishes, realized she had no tissue so she used her panties.
Other girl says ; I have to go now too but I'm not throwing out my Victoria's Secret drawers... hand me that ribbon from that headstone...
Next day husband of one woman calls husband of the other...
Tom ..these girls nights out have to stop, my wife came home with no panties last night...
That's nothin' says Tom MY WIFE came home with a card stuck to her ass that read ... "Thanks for the memories... we'll never forget you" - From the boys at the Brentwood Fire Dept.
angelordevil
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
I'm not a stellar joke teller...hmm...but I can ryhme!
Anyway, I grew up with this corny standard:
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the woman yelled back, "Cardigan!"
hello?
Anyway, I grew up with this corny standard:
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the woman yelled back, "Cardigan!"
hello?
Sue DeNym
Refugee
A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Cassis
Refugee
{paintedroses} said:Whats wrong with blondes?
where's the clue
Cassis
Refugee
{paintedroses} said:Well its ok then cos its not true!
then show you're not a brunette
{paintedroses}
New Yorker
Cassis
Refugee
come on!
{paintedroses}
New Yorker
Cassis
Refugee
pfffffffffft
{paintedroses}
New Yorker
what do you want from me?!Bono's Doll
New Yorker
How do you keep an Amish woman satisfied?
(with two mennonite)
Why do Amish like their horses so much?
(cause after their date-they have a ride home)
Sorry to pick on the Amish.
(with two mennonite)
Why do Amish like their horses so much?
(cause after their date-they have a ride home)
Sorry to pick on the Amish.
Laird/Bono
Refugee
A duck walks into a bar, says to the barkeep; " Got any Grapes?" Barkeep replies; " No, we don't have any grapes and we don't serve ducks..beat it!"
Next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the same question.. "I TOLD YOU, we don't have any grapes and we don't serve ducks!" yells the barkeep,
Next day the duck walks in and asks the same question again, " For the last time, WE DON'T HAVE GRAPES OR SERVE DUCKS..... IF YOU COME IN HERE AGAIN I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR FECKIN' WEB FEET TO THE FLOOR... GOT IT?!?"
A week later the duck shows up and asks; " Hey barkeep, got any NAILS?"
Puzzled, the barkeep answers; "NO.."
The duck replies;
" Great.... got any grapes?"
Next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the same question.. "I TOLD YOU, we don't have any grapes and we don't serve ducks!" yells the barkeep,
Next day the duck walks in and asks the same question again, " For the last time, WE DON'T HAVE GRAPES OR SERVE DUCKS..... IF YOU COME IN HERE AGAIN I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR FECKIN' WEB FEET TO THE FLOOR... GOT IT?!?"
A week later the duck shows up and asks; " Hey barkeep, got any NAILS?"
Puzzled, the barkeep answers; "NO.."
The duck replies;
" Great.... got any grapes?"
Q: How do you get a kleenex to dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Q: What goes, "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, bang?"
A: An Amish drive-by.
This joke was told to me by someone who was Chinese:
A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy walk into a bar and have a few drinks. All the sudden the Jewish guy gets up and punches the Chinese guy in face.
Chinese guy: "Hey, what'd you do that for?! I didn't do anything to you? Why'd you hit me?"
Jewish guy: "That's for Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese guy: "Pearl Harbor?! I wasn't even born then. Besides Pearl Harbor was the the Japanese. I'm Chinese!"
Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese...Korean. It's all the same to me."
Chinese guy: Punches the Jewish guy in the face and says, "Oh yeah?!? Well, that's for sinking the Titanic!"
Jewish guy: "Sinking the Titanic? I wasn't even born then. Besides the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!"
Chinese guy: "Iceberg, Greenberg...Steinberg. It's all the same to me!"
Sorry if this joke offends anyone who's Chinese or Jewish...or Chinese and Jewish.
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Q: What goes, "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, bang?"
A: An Amish drive-by.
This joke was told to me by someone who was Chinese:
A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy walk into a bar and have a few drinks. All the sudden the Jewish guy gets up and punches the Chinese guy in face.
Chinese guy: "Hey, what'd you do that for?! I didn't do anything to you? Why'd you hit me?"
Jewish guy: "That's for Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese guy: "Pearl Harbor?! I wasn't even born then. Besides Pearl Harbor was the the Japanese. I'm Chinese!"
Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese...Korean. It's all the same to me."
Chinese guy: Punches the Jewish guy in the face and says, "Oh yeah?!? Well, that's for sinking the Titanic!"
Jewish guy: "Sinking the Titanic? I wasn't even born then. Besides the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!"
Chinese guy: "Iceberg, Greenberg...Steinberg. It's all the same to me!"
Sorry if this joke offends anyone who's Chinese or Jewish...or Chinese and Jewish.
BrownEyedBoy
Rock n' Roll Doggie
What do three women do stranded on an island?
Two get together and criticize the other woman.
Two get together and criticize the other woman.
nurse chrissi
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
alright my one -slightly dirty corny joke
Cinderella is getting ready for the ball and she realizes she has her period - her ballgown is completely white and she starts to panic - she say "fairy godmother what am I going to do? I can't go to the balll - sob." Her fairy godmother tells Cinderella not to worry - she has a magic tampon but unfortunately at midnight the tampon turns into a pumpkin so Cinderella needs to be back before midnight. Well Cinderella is all excited -thanks her fairy godmother and promises that she will be home in time. Cinderella puts on her fantasic white gown and rushes off to the ball. So 1145 rolls around - no Cinderella - 1200, 0100, 0200... the fairy godmother is really worried about Cinderella by now around 0300 Cinderella comes back home with a big grin on her face - the fairy godmother rushes up to her and saying how worried she was about her. Cinderella just tells her fairy godmother "oh Fairy Godmother I had the most wonderful night, I met this great Prince and we had an amazing night.....his name was Peter Peter Something Eater"
sorry it was so long
Cinderella is getting ready for the ball and she realizes she has her period - her ballgown is completely white and she starts to panic - she say "fairy godmother what am I going to do? I can't go to the balll - sob." Her fairy godmother tells Cinderella not to worry - she has a magic tampon but unfortunately at midnight the tampon turns into a pumpkin so Cinderella needs to be back before midnight. Well Cinderella is all excited -thanks her fairy godmother and promises that she will be home in time. Cinderella puts on her fantasic white gown and rushes off to the ball. So 1145 rolls around - no Cinderella - 1200, 0100, 0200... the fairy godmother is really worried about Cinderella by now around 0300 Cinderella comes back home with a big grin on her face - the fairy godmother rushes up to her and saying how worried she was about her. Cinderella just tells her fairy godmother "oh Fairy Godmother I had the most wonderful night, I met this great Prince and we had an amazing night.....his name was Peter Peter Something Eater"
sorry it was so long
She Is Raging
Refugee
what do you do with a dog with no legs?
take it for a drag.
take it for a drag.
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