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struckpx

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Jun 29, 2007
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Wrote this last night in my journal and wanted to share it and see if there is any advice.

Background info: I am leaving my home that I lived at the last 2 years, but will be leaving my family for the first time in my 17 years and am anxious but, well read down below. On another note, make sure to keep a journal, for it's handy but it also could help you out in the future.

so, i have this overwhelming feeling inside that nothing will turn out well, that nothing will go my way, that i will not be happy for a very long time.... im starting to believe it. it scares me.

Fear:

i can honestly say that i havent been scared of much in my life. in the past few months i have been especially strong. but now it seems like i am afraid of everything. questions, answers, conversations, my sense of sight, life, love, death, desire. but for what reason? why am I so scared? i havent done anything. this scares me.

Depression.:

the worst ive ever felt in my entire life. it hurts. it hurts deep inside. it grows and lives deep in my heart tearing at the seams. ive felt depression before but im afraid that this time it will be a very long time before i fully recover. dont get me wrong. i can still have fun. while with friends and family i will not let them see me that way because they dont deserve that. they have done nothing wrong.

Betrayal:

the saying "they stabbed me in the back" has been used for a very long time. i understood it but it seemed to vague. it didnt seem to cover it all. but alas, it does. its not just metaphorically brilliant because of the words but the pain you feel can be just as if you were stabbed in the back. it hurts.

Surprise

when you hear the word surprise, does it ignite blissful times? most likely. people yell the word a parties or when a secret gift is unvailed but no one ever thinks of the otherside. it can be dirty, down right dirty. it takes your heart turns it over and pushes it into your throat. it stays with you for days even weeks. its a bitter taste left in the mouth of those being suprised. you lose trust in those you trusted the most.
 
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For the record, you'll get this thread moved to "Zoo Confessionals." That's where these kinds of threads belong. FYM is a much more belligerent kind of place...heh.

I presume that you're moving away for college?

Change is certainly disconcerting, and I'm one prone to this kind of anxiety in situations like you've described. The key, however, is that if you ever want to progress and mature, you have to do it.

Work hard, think intelligently, and keep the larger picture in mind. Be independently-minded, but don't be afraid to seek advice from others. And, more importantly, never give up.
 
Ormus said:
For the record, you'll get this thread moved to "Zoo Confessionals." That's where these kinds of threads belong. FYM is a much more belligerent kind of place...heh.

I presume that you're moving away for college?

Change is certainly disconcerting, and I'm one prone to this kind of anxiety in situations like you've described. The key, however, is that if you ever want to progress and mature, you have to do it.

Work hard, think intelligently, and keep the larger picture in mind. Be independently-minded, but don't be afraid to seek advice from others. And, more importantly, never give up.
Click to expand...

thanks for the advice.

i am moving off to uni pretty soon. but that isn't all of it. most of it is related to relationships that have been damaged recently. haha.
 
Wow! I totally can relate to what you're going through; especially with the fear aspect. I've been afraid of anything and everything the past couple months with no reason why. I feel like I'm quite frankly, stuck in a moment I can't get out of. I just keep praying that it will end soon, and I can be me again. That to me has lead to a sort of depression, the kind that I too hide from my family and friends. I've noticed that fear leads to a stagnation of everything in life. When we're not moving forward, we're regressing and that has put this heaviness and opression on me lately that just hurts spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. The betrayal thing has come in lately too. I feel like some of my best friends don't even care anymore. They don't bother to talk to me, to see how I'm feeling, life is just one party after another to them. They've been going behind my back more and more, and I feel like I so isolated sometimes. The surprise I can definitely relate to. I've never like surprises, even the good kind. I was the kid that always snuck around, opened my presents before Christmas, and then wrapped them again. I was the kid who was adamant about no surprise parties. After last year, I feel validated somewhat in that aspect of my personality. Between June and December of last year; my mom was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, my dad filed for divorce from her, I moved out of the house I'd lived in for my entire life (and my parents sold it), and moved 2 hours away for college. The strange thing was; I was numb to it all. I thought for sure I'd feel sad, afraid, and confused, but I felt nothing. The past few months, as I've said, I've felt fear like I haven't had before. I'm beginning to think that I repressed it last year because it would've been too much to deal with on top of everything else. It's a darkness though right now, but I won't give up. I'm a Believer, and I know God will not bring me to anything I can't handle. I believe the same for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to PM me anytime!!:hug: :kiss:
 
U2isthebest said:
Wow! I totally can relate to what you're going through; especially with the fear aspect. I've been afraid of anything and everything the past couple months with no reason why. I feel like I'm quite frankly, stuck in a moment I can't get out of. I just keep praying that it will end soon, and I can be me again. That to me has lead to a sort of depression, the kind that I too hide from my family and friends. I've noticed that fear leads to a stagnation of everything in life. When we're not moving forward, we're regressing and that has put this heaviness and opression on me lately that just hurts spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. The betrayal thing has come in lately too. I feel like some of my best friends don't even care anymore. They don't bother to talk to me, to see how I'm feeling, life is just one party after another to them. They've been going behind my back more and more, and I feel like I so isolated sometimes. The surprise I can definitely relate to. I've never like surprises, even the good kind. I was the kid that always snuck around, opened my presents before Christmas, and then wrapped them again. I was the kid who was adamant about no surprise parties. After last year, I feel validated somewhat in that aspect of my personality. Between June and December of last year; my mom was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, my dad filed for divorce from her, I moved out of the house I'd lived in for my entire life (and my parents sold it), and moved 2 hours away for college. The strange thing was; I was numb to it all. I thought for sure I'd feel sad, afraid, and confused, but I felt nothing. The past few months, as I've said, I've felt fear like I haven't had before. I'm beginning to think that I repressed it last year because it would've been too much to deal with on top of everything else. It's a darkness though right now, but I won't give up. I'm a Believer, and I know God will not bring me to anything I can't handle. I believe the same for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to PM me anytime!!:hug: :kiss:
Click to expand...

hahaha, good reference to the song in the first part.:lol: Well, these problems you mention make my problems look minuscule, but thanks. Maybe I will PM you sometime.
 
struckpx said:


hahaha, good reference to the song in the first part.:lol: Well, these problems you mention make my problems look minuscule, but thanks. Maybe I will PM you sometime.
Click to expand...


Anytime! And trust me, I've learned never to think my problems are miniscule compared to someone else's! (Obviously people starving and dying in the third world have WAY bigger problems than any of us, but excluding that...) our problems all hurt us in different ways and different degrees. Feel better!!
 
MirrorballLemon said:
Oh why don't the 2 of you go get a room already.

Makin the rest of us sick here.
Click to expand...

Maybe we will and take you w/ us. Make it a hot 3-some....lmao.

I am sorry that you feel that these comments are so wrong. How so?
 
Or how about instead, you go find something better to do rather than coming into threads and making rude and obnoxious comments?

Go be annoying somewhere else, mmkay? Thanks ever so.
 
corianderstem said:
Or how about instead, you go find something better to do rather than coming into threads and making rude and obnoxious comments?

Go be annoying somewhere else, mmkay? Thanks ever so.
Click to expand...

awww but where else could i so easily piss off so many people?

Besides, I heard that girls like guys that are jerks, and I'm trying to get you to notice me.
 
I'll try to reset the mood.

candles-big.jpg
 
Bri, I've said this quite often you are wise beyond your young years. Very well versed too! :hug: You give good advice.

Struckpx, as someone who has been there along time ago and familiar with the feelings you are having, my mother-in-law, (although at the time I didn't know she would be at the time) told me all the feelings I was having was a part of the growing up process and the next phase of life which is yes very scary and depressing at times. She had said to me that it was a loss of innocence. I will never forget it, because now when I look back after all these years she was so right.

I know it seems like those feelings will never go away but they will. Someone that I admire greatly wrote these words that just fit so eloquently:

And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment, this time will pass

:yes: :hug:
 
U2isthebest said:



It's like you're a real life House!:cute:

Do you have a handicapped leg too perchance?:drool:
Click to expand...
But without the intelligence, wit and borderline schizoid personality disorder.
 
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