Calluna said:
Irvine, can you please address the subject of porn and why *in general* men tend to use it more than women. Are men more visual when it comes to sex?
As a related question, why do *some* men (not all but some) find an anonymous woman walking down the street more exciting than the women they are in a relationship with?
most men look at porn in some form of another. the reason is, i think, because the nature of porn does correlate to the simpler stimulus-response of male sexuality. naked bodies = sexual possibility, this is exciting, and an erection happens. i think there are differences between what might be called soft core porn, and hard core porn. soft core porn is probably more aesthetically pleasing, and meant to induce an overall feeling of sexiness -- those that produce it will put money into creating sets that have many of the traditional signifiers of sexiness like fireplaces, chocolate, champagne, art, etc. soft core porn is often enjoyed by couples, since it's attention to details beyond skin can be as alluring to women as it is to men. it provides a sexy, sometimes romantic escapist fantasy.
hard core porn is more designed for one purpose -- as a masturbatory agent. hard core generally shows genitalia, and often fucking or other sex acts, and it's this down-and-dirty, "show the pink" (something Hustler was willing to do before Playboy, and even today, Playboy is a much more aesthetic depiction of women and Penthouse or Hustler) attitude that makes it even less about having sex (let alone making love) and more about fucking; or, even more direct, it's about ejaculating. as has been discussed, since male and female sexuality is aroused by different things, hard core porn is almost like an erection delivery system for (as always, SOME) men. they see it. they get aroused. they masturbate. it's over. i think the vast, vast majority of men are able to separate fantasy from reality; they know that most women don't look like they do in the pages of Penthouse; they know that the "interviews" with these women are designed to make them aroused and have nothing to do with reality. these women aren't people, they are 2-D images, total product. most men know this, and most men wouldn't trade their girlfriends and spouses for these women on the magazines. think of hard core porn as akin to, say, vaseline or any other masturbatory lubricant a man might use. they are of equal use for men.
as for the woman walking down the street ... i think you're misreading it. if a man is walking with you down the street and he sees a gorgeous woman walk by and he turns his head (perhaps even in mid-conversation) to look at her, this doesn't mean that he's more interested in her than in you. it means that he was distracted; she caught his attention for a brief moment, and he was probably thinking that she was beautiful, and perhaps had a brief (like, 2 second) sexual fantasy about her. but that's all it was, fantasy. i think many men are able to see people walking down the street and instantly imagine having sex with them. this isn't a good thing, or a bad thing, it's simply that many men have an ability -- and it is exciting, and sexy, and a fantasy -- to look at someone and see their sexuality, in a very carnal way, in almost an instant. remember the Sex and the City episode when Carrie and Charlotte sit in a sidewalk cafe and watch men go by and say whether or not they'd sleep with them? i think men do this a lot. and it's totally fleeting. and not in any way, shape, or form a sign that the woman he's walking down the street with is in any way lacking in any quality that he finds important. i think it's simply a function of how men's brains and sexual equipment are wired a bit differently.
I'm just a bit confused about the whole situation because I know we both like each other but I also know we might not end up together any time soon if at all, so I don't know what to do other than just sit it out.
what it everyones problem with this thread.
