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Old 12-11-2003, 03:26 AM   #1
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New Alcohol Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of Inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode
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Old 12-11-2003, 10:52 AM   #2
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Re: New Alcohol Warnings

Quote:
Originally posted by Cleasai

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
heh... heh... who'd do something like that... heh heh... crap...
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Old 12-11-2003, 11:43 AM   #3
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Quote:
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode
that needs to be printed on the top of message boards across the net as a disclaimer.
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Old 12-11-2003, 11:43 AM   #4
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I always shout apparently so alocohol isnt going to make me talk any louder

My other mum Vicky I make her tell me to be quiet when Im shouting - she always makes me button my coat up and wraps my scarf round me - she also worries about me getting the bus to town and makes me get 2 buses now and stands with me at the bus stop and texts me to make sure im home. I call her mummy 2. She calls me a nut.
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Old 12-11-2003, 11:53 AM   #5
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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Old 12-11-2003, 12:34 PM   #6
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i was with a friend of mine who doesn't drink that oftne at a bar in the city a few weeks ago... he's a loud drinker... they probably could hear him 2 blocks away, but he thought he was talking in his normal voice... some 80 year old guy who was in the bar came up to me and told me my friend was a prick... i cracked up... then i dragged my friend home after he puked in a taxi what'cha gonna do
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Old 12-11-2003, 01:28 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Headache in a Suitcase
i was with a friend of mine who doesn't drink that oftne at a bar in the city a few weeks ago... he's a loud drinker... they probably could hear him 2 blocks away, but he thought he was talking in his normal voice... some 80 year old guy who was in the bar came up to me and told me my friend was a prick... i cracked up... then i dragged my friend home after he puked in a taxi what'cha gonna do
Find a new friend?
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Old 12-11-2003, 04:20 PM   #8
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Those are great!

I used to know someone who had a pint glass that said:
You CANNOT dance.
You are NOT invisible.
SIT down.

It also had an upside-down message along the lines of, "Houston, we have a problem," but I don't remember exactly what it said.
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Old 12-11-2003, 06:03 PM   #9
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i always lose my bra and panties
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Old 12-11-2003, 06:09 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Chizip
i always lose my bra and panties
chizzer in a bra and panties

c'mon over here, baby.


thanks for the laugh, Cleasai! I needed that!!
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Old 12-11-2003, 06:17 PM   #11
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Re: New Alcohol Warnings

Quote:
Originally posted by Cleasai
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of Inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
-------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
*it also leaves you freaked out for weeks until you get the balls to buy a test to see if indeed you are pregnant, which means you end up drinking more to celebrate that you are not!*
uh yeah guilty of all!
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Old 12-11-2003, 09:36 PM   #12
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On that note: Try this recipe..

Christmas Cake

4 bottles of Vodka
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is still OK.
Try another cup .... just in case

Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck
in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Who giveshz a shoot

Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and pee in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over Don't forget to beat
off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the
dog.
Fall into bed.
CHERRY MISTMAS!
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Old 12-12-2003, 04:11 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by mmmBono
thanks for the laugh, Cleasai! I needed that!!
Nice seeing ya again!
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Old 12-12-2003, 04:53 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by sue4u2

strain your nuts.
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Old 12-12-2003, 05:23 AM   #15
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol will deteriorate your online gaming skills and delude you to think other people are botting.
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