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Old 03-01-2008, 06:49 PM   #1
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my tribe ate bear today, because of me, guys.

at approximately 11.00 i left the house and delved deep into the jungle to search for bear.

this is a daily routine, as we savages in slovakia must hunt and gather our food much like you westerners read about in history texts (or more likely, watch on youtube. none of you actually read books anymore do you?).

after spotting a blue-faced bear far up in the tree, i carefully aimed my bow and arrow and struck him clean.

victory, for me and my tribe!

take no pity upon the brutal animal, for the savage bear of these jungles kill us more often than we kill them. indeed, at night schools of bears look for human flesh as we look for theirs. their evil screams are not unlike the worst thing your imagination could conjure.

we leave nothing of the animal go to waste, for every part is considered a delicacy to us savages of the east.

once the bratislavan tribe leader heard of our victory today, he summoned the various elders of our great city to perform a victory dance around the city's giant bon-fire.

we danced all evening, and when the last bit of the bear had been consumed, i returned home to my computer to share my story with everyone.

but as mentioned before, the time for celebration is short lived, for night brings terrors of unspeakable evil.

the bear paints their faces with dollar signs in their own blood, and attack our weak areas with precision. it's a national tragedy that they are almost always successful in claiming at least one or two slovakian tribesmen.

our spears are no match for their claws that immediately go for our eyes and various other delicate parts.

we sleep with one eye open, and the other even more open.

our war with the bears will one day end when one side has successfully consumed the other.

until then, we will continue to eat bear - and only bear until every bear has been consumed by our great country's men, women, and children.
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Old 03-01-2008, 06:54 PM   #2
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i ate frog legs 2 weeks ago.
i'm a vegetarian.
my story is not as epic
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Old 03-01-2008, 07:10 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by unico
i ate frog legs 2 weeks ago.
i'm a vegetarian.
my story is not as epic
was it from madagascar?

you hear about the massive frogs they unearthed there from years ago? apparently they were the size of beach balls.

heavens to betsy, guys. that's gosh-darn big!

golly!
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Old 03-01-2008, 07:13 PM   #4
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true fact: beach balls come in different sizes. i once brought one to a concert, it was spikey (not like, big poke you in the eyes spikes, but fun little nipple-like spikes) and bright orange. it was smaller than my head. people were not amused.

so what size beachball are these frogs?
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Old 03-01-2008, 08:22 PM   #5
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I feel a little ill just reading this thread, but it's time the horror was unveiled, so good job.

In the night, in the hanging garden, listen to the animals scream.

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Old 03-01-2008, 09:03 PM   #6
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HEYZOOZ! OMG!

what the heck happened to frank the monkey??? MY you weren't kidding all these time s were you ZED?????

OMGOMGOMG!

im scared guys, first bears now frank the monkey. Whats next///Fake Edge will declare war on us all?

FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE

guys i accidentally sat on my g/f's vibrator, sorry about that fake edge stuff. its just every time i sit on my g/f's vibrator i get hysterical and all. That and when i read about bears and killing bears and frank the monkey and shit

its all about that really isnt it? FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
FAKE EDGE
"HEY BOBBIE, come in here and get your fucking vibrator out of my ass" "BITCH!"

"Im coming you slut" "DONT get your crotchless panties in a wad YOU FUCKING WHORE"

"FINE JUST HURRY UP before i start to enjoy this"



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Old 03-01-2008, 09:19 PM   #7
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Old 03-01-2008, 09:20 PM   #8
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Old 03-01-2008, 09:21 PM   #9
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Old 03-01-2008, 09:22 PM   #10
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Old 03-01-2008, 09:24 PM   #11
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Old 03-01-2008, 10:50 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mrs. Garrison
HEYZOOZ! OMG!

what the heck happened to frank the monkey??? MY you weren't kidding all these time s were you ZED?????
you want me to close all these threads? because i will.
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