hehe, read this 'relationships' article - LOL!. *Warning! Some Adult Content!* - U2 Feedback

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Old 10-29-2003, 07:39 AM   #1
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Big Grin hehe, read this 'relationships' article - LOL!. *Warning! Some Adult Content!*

hehehehehehe

Ok, first of all, this is NOT me picking on pple and their size or anything.....I love you all just as you are...............so please dont see it as offensive......it was in a magazine, and when I started to read it, it just got funnier as I went along!


sure have a read and see for yourself! Remember slight adult content so like........take it in good humour. And cover your kids eyes.



To cut long introduction short, it was about men and women being vegetable and fruit shapes......LOL!........and how certain shapes kinda go with certain shapes and all, for relationships (hey, we all know they aren't always spot on.....)and yes, they always mention something about 'sex' , but to cut the number of times its said Im putting it as 'sox' (.), actually, any dirty words are changed, so without further delay, read and enjoy, and maybe have a laff!

GIRLS
Apples, strawberries and cucumbers? No, we're not making Pimms, we're talking about your body shape..

APPLE
A-list Apple: Madonna
Apple-shaped girls, who tend to put on weight around their tummies rather than their bums and hips, have higher levels of testosterone than any other female body shape. They are recognised by their large shoulders and rib cage, which give them less pronounced waists than their pear-shaped friends. But what the apple-shaped girl lacks in curves, she more than makes up for in sox drive and assertiveness.
Great mate? A parsnip-shaped man with broad shoulders and narrow hips - though your pooled levels of testosterone could make some seriously explosive rows before your white-hot make up sox. Your sky-high sox drives mean you'll be a perfect match for each other in the bedroom - you both enjoy fast, frequent and thrilling sox rather than slow, tender moves. So don't go for sensitive aubergines and homebody potatoes -their slow, comfortable sox sessions could leave you yawning...


PEAR
A-list pear: J-Lo
Numerous studies have revealed that girls with wide hips and big bums have high levels of oestrogen - the hormone that keeps you upbeat and feeling soxy. Larger hips are also associated with greater fertility and maternal, nuturing impulses.
Great mate? You may not love your rear view, but the great news is if you have this body shape, you're compatible with most male body shapes. Your caring, sharing feminine attitude to sox means you and potato homebody boy will enjoy lots of fun, cosy-nights-in sox. Your curves also balance well with manly, parsnip-shaped men who find them irresistable. You'd be wise to avoid aubergine-shaped boys who tend to have lower libidos - after all, there's got to be some some heat in the relationship or you'd never get it on at all"


STRAWBERRY
A-list strawberry: Halle Berry
If you're petite, you're classed as strawberry-shaped. Small girls can be cute, but a smart man will realise that they can be fiesty too. Since height is evolutionarily advantageous (our ancestors were more likely to survive if they were tall), many evolution experts believe shorter people have evolved to have big personalities to make up for being vertically disadvantaged.
Great mate? You complement most male body shapes, especially the tall runner bean man. According to a recent study at the University of Edinburgh, we're instinctively attracted to partners who have very different genes to us. And if you think you never paid any attention to genes when you've been 'good butt' hunting with your mates, think again - the study showed that we instinctively know how much DNA we share with a man simply by getting a whiff of his body odour! Besides, just think of all the tall blokes with tiny girlfriends, Kylie and Olivier Martinez, Gail and Dan Hipgrave, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jnr......


CUCUMBER
A-list cucumber: Gwyneth Paltrow
If you're long and lean, you high metabolism indicates a tendency to get very stressed and to induge in fast, frenetic, passionate sox. And, although your boyish figure means you're not the obvious choice for passing male trade, you attract more than your fair share of guys.
Great mates? Oddly, women of your body shape are likely to find smaller, carrot-shaped men attractive. The reason? One theory is that their babies are likely to be shorter, and if a woman has deep-seated worries about being too tall, she'll instinctively choose a smaller man. Potato-shaped men, however, don't often make a good match. His energy levels are likely to be lower than yours, so while you want intense thrills, he's giving you slow, melting sox which frankly, doesn't do it for you.


MONKEY NUT
A-list monkey nut: Kate Winslet
If you're as curvy round the bust as you are round the hips, you're in high demand with the boys, according to studies by Dr Dev Singh at the University of Texas (wonder if he's still there. ..) Because breasts are nearly all fat - which you need during pregnancy it's as if you've got a full-page ad announcing your super-high fertility strapped across your chest. So go forth and conquer.
Great mates? You're a hit with all the boys, especially the parsnips, who are madly drawn by the fertile promise of your curvaceous figure. However, you may have thrilling sox with parsnip-man but he's guaranteed to be jealous of the attention you get from other men which may cause problems. Aubergine-man has higher levels of the feminine hormone oestrogen so is more likely to give you the emotional, caring sox you crave.




And now for the other half (and this is the one that really had me LMAO!)

BOYS
Is your perfect partner an aubergine? Or are you better suited to a parsnip?


PARSNIP Brad Pitt
According to researchers at America's Georgia State University, broad shoulders and a narrow waist are indicators of huge testosterone levels surging around his uber-fit bod. Unless he's wrestling with his inner potato, he'll be dominant, aggressive and horny as hell. Get ready to submit.


POTATO Matthew Perry
He may be a bit squidgy around the middle, but the potato's homebody tendencies mean he's a safe bet when it comes to fatherhood. He's more than happy to make up for his comfy physique with loving, caressing sox moves and lots of cuddles.


AUBERGINE Mike Myers
As we speak, pioneering research is being carried out at the University of Pennsylvania Medical School to see whether men with bigger, rounder bums have higher levels of the female hormone oestrogen. These men tend to be excellent lovers, who are more into long-term caring sox then quick erutic thrills. Things can be pretty intense with these guys. Definitely a keeper.


RUNNER BEAN Jude Law
In terms of physical strength, he's no match for the parsnip, but has instead evolved alternative skills with which to impress the ladies. Extra tall and super-slim, he's got an appetite for the finer things in life - soxy paintings or erutic books - so sox is likely to be intense, with a slow, sensuous build up and a thrilling and dramatic 'Yee-Hah' moment.


CARROT Tom Cruise
According to evolutionary physcologists, the short but perfectly formed carrot-man can be a self-centred, showy chauvinist (apparantly shorter men need bigger personalities - its called the Napoleon syndrome after the pint-sized dictator (LOL! Maybe that explains the lad across the way from me then!)) However, he does have his good points - he'll work twice as hard as his taller rivals to impress you physically. And what's more, he's likely to have a big sox drive, as smaller men are on average more testosterone-fuelled than taller men...




END




Oh please, I hope a lot of you are at the moment!
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Old 10-29-2003, 08:36 AM   #2
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Gwyneth Paltrow i so UGLY i would not do her even if she asked me to. man she is ugly.
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Old 10-29-2003, 08:50 AM   #3
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sox
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Old 10-29-2003, 09:41 AM   #4
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potato?


ah well, maddie said she loves me !!!!!!!!
wooooooooooooooooooooohay!

(even though as a part of the interf community, but still
counts in my book)
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Old 10-29-2003, 10:14 AM   #5
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I dont know if Im a Cucumber or a Strawberry.

I know that the wee cute guy is a possible Carrot.
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Old 10-29-2003, 11:44 AM   #6
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I curse me and my high sox drive!
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Old 10-29-2003, 11:52 AM   #7
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It has been a long time since I have had good sox.
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Old 10-29-2003, 11:56 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by zoney!
It has been a long time since I have had good sox.















I cannot decide which I am ... I am wavering between pear and monkey nut
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Old 10-29-2003, 12:54 PM   #9
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Old 10-29-2003, 01:08 PM   #10
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I'm an assertive, highly soxed apple
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Old 10-29-2003, 01:42 PM   #11
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I'm a runner bean so who here is a strawberry?
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Old 10-29-2003, 02:30 PM   #12
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aren't magazines good fun?
I was reading one the other day that was so funny,....too funny to read alone.I put it aside to take along next time I visit BSGF( best silly girl friend) and now I can't find it
"p"s in a pod
pears and parnsips
sox

eat your fruit and veges kids

maddie
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Old 10-29-2003, 02:51 PM   #13
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broad shoulders and a narrow waist
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Old 10-29-2003, 02:52 PM   #14
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so, i'm compatible with brad pitt, eh?

hehe, too bad i married an aubergine. aww j/k, i love my hubby. but he is an aubergine, and i have no idea what that looks like.
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Old 10-29-2003, 05:44 PM   #15
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i am a pear and therefore ultra feminine. HAHAHAHAHA, that's a hoot. Anyways, I'm quite partial to runner beans
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