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Old 05-26-2006, 02:18 PM   #31
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um, what' black and white and red all over.....

newspaper
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Old 05-26-2006, 02:34 PM   #32
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A mother and father tomatoe is walking thier child down the street when at last the father turns around and squashes his son.... Horrified the mother says why did you do that? the father says I was tired of telling him to......... Ketchup







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Old 05-26-2006, 02:38 PM   #33
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YB you have a fan in me
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:32 PM   #34
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Please don't encourage him
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:33 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally posted by trevster2k
This is only a joke.

Bono and Edge are travelling in an airplane. The plane crashes during a severe storm and all lives are lost. Bono & Edge find themselves in Heaven and before them sitting on a grand throne is God. God tells them if they answer His question truthfully, they will enter the Kingdom of Heaven to experience everlasting happiness.

God turns to Edge and asks "What do you believe, Edge?"

Edge replies " I believe in the power of rock n roll and Gibson guitars!! "

God smiles, and says, " Excellent, you may enter. "

After Edge leaves, God turns to Bono. He asks Bono "What do you believe? "

With a wry smile and glint in his eye, Bono replies " I believe you are sitting in my chair! "
..... although I thought this was your original, but it seems it's not...
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:47 PM   #36
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An Accountant, a Lawyer and a Cowboy were standing Side-by-Side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and
commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean." The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be Environmentally Conscious." The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said," I graduated
from the University of Alberta and they taught us not to piss on our hands."
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Old 05-26-2006, 03:48 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally posted by trevster2k
This is only a joke.

Bono and Edge are travelling in an airplane. The plane crashes during a severe storm and all lives are lost. Bono & Edge find themselves in Heaven and before them sitting on a grand throne is God. God tells them if they answer His question truthfully, they will enter the Kingdom of Heaven to experience everlasting happiness.

God turns to Edge and asks "What do you believe, Edge?"

Edge replies " I believe in the power of rock n roll and Gibson guitars!! "

God smiles, and says, " Excellent, you may enter. "

After Edge leaves, God turns to Bono. He asks Bono "What do you believe? "

With a wry smile and glint in his eye, Bono replies " I believe you are sitting in my chair! "
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:00 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tilli
Please don't encourage him
Sorry it can't be helped
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:00 PM   #39
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Bill Clinton and The Pope died the same day. In a mix up, The Pope wound up going to hell and Clinton to heaven.

Finally the paperwork was settled and they were sent to their true respective places.

Clinton and the Pope came face to face on their journies.

The Pope was saying how he couldn't wait to see the Virgin Mary.

To which Clinton replied

"Too late"
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:10 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tilli
Please don't encourage him









Thanks BonosBaby
I just though of another one:

Wife: why haven't you fixed the Bathroom faucet
Husband: Does it look like I have "Plumber" written in my shirt?
Next Night Husband comes home.....
wife: Why haven't you fixed the stove?
Husband: Does it look like I have "electrician" written on my shirt?
A week passes....
Wife: Why haven't you fixed the basement stairs?
Husband: Does it look like i have "Carpenter" written on my shirt?
A month passes by and the husband comes home from work and it occurs to him that the faucet, stove and stairs have all been fixed......
Husband: Did you call in the plumber, electrician and carpenter to fix all of the problems?
Wife: Why no Dear, it was just our luck our new next door nieghbor is a handy man and I asked him if he could fix our problems.
Husband : How much money did he charge us?
Wife: Well he said that he wouldn't accept any cash but that I could repay him by either baking him a cake or making love to him.
Husband: Well, what kind of cake did you make him?
Wife: What, does it look like I have Betty Crocker written on my shirt?









Oh one more..........

How was it proven that Eve was the first carpenter?

She was the first person to make Adam's banana stand
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:15 PM   #41
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You are very welcome

at the new ones you posted!
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Old 05-26-2006, 07:02 PM   #42
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This is a great idea! I don't have a joke, but I'll just laugh at the jokes posted by others.
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Old 05-26-2006, 07:05 PM   #43
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Re: Re: First Annual Blue Crack Joke Contest!

Quote:
Originally posted by waynetravis


Seriously?
or is the one Carlos' strange twisted humour?


No, it's real. I got the certificate right here.


Good job so far guys.....

Remember..........only Blue Crack addicts will vote on the winner.

Keep them coming.


("Ketchup"....I love that joke)
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Old 05-26-2006, 08:53 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally posted by YellowKite
That is one of my favorite jokes . . . ever! One day at work someone told me that joke and I laughed so hard for, so long that just thinking about it now years later makes me laugh!
awww yay!!
it's one of my favorites EVER too! <3 i still laugh every time.

here's another corny one.
There's this king who had three cups.
the first cup was full. the second cup was full.
but the third cup was half empty.
what's his name?




king Phillip the Third
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Old 05-26-2006, 09:01 PM   #45
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And now... some obligatory banjo jokes:


What did the banjo player get on his IQ test? Drool…

How can you tell if the stage is level? If the banjo player drools out of both sides of his mouth.

What is the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into a toilet without hitting the seat.

Banjos are to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

Tada!
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