Echo
War Child
I showed my mom my scripts the other day, and she liked them! I'm so proud. She had but one bit of criticism:
MOM: "These guys are from Ireland, right?"
ME: "Um...more or less."
MOM: "Why dont you guys ever have any jokes about them being Irish?"
Well, Americans have a strange perception of the Irish. I never wanted to make any comments about them being Irish because its hard to tell whats really true of the Irish and whats American stereotyping. Besides, the Irishness of U2 has never been high on the PLEBA discussion priority list.
My mom suggested a story about U2 visiting the Blarney Stone. Fair enough. So I did a little research. I was not aware of the acrobatics that are involved in actually kissing the Blarney Stone. The way it's situated, you have to lie on your back, have a (very good) friend hold your legs while you lean backwards over an abyss and hold onto these iron bars. As illustrated below:
Anyway, one look at these pics and I knew this was PLEBA comedy gold.
Here's what I wrote:
BONO: Edge, have you seen my....em....my...thing...
EDGE: *blush* Not lately!
BONO: No, my...you know...*makes gesture like he's brushing his teeth*
EDGE: Oh, your Bon Jovi Electric Toothbrush? It's in my workshop. I tried to rewire it to double it's cleaning power, and there was a little mishap.
BONO: Mis...hap?
EDGE: Let me put it this way. When you see Adam, don't mention his limp.
BONO: *nods*
EDGE: Are you okay?
BONO: Mmm hmm.
EDGE: You're a little quiet.
BONO: Oh. Hmm.
LARRY: Morning, all. Edge, can I have your Hot Pockets?
EDGE: *blush* *falls off stool* What?
LARRY: *takes Hot Pocket out of freezer.* I'm starvin'. Hey, these arent the Philly Cheese Steak kind are they? I can never get all my meat out of those things.
EDGE: *blush* *falls off microwave*
LARRY: How's it goin', Boner?
BONO: It's like....wow...I just....
EDGE: Bono, have you been smoking Adam's cigarettes?
BONO: No! It's like...I can feel...words....but can't get my, you know...*points*
LARRY: Mouth?
BONO: Yeah I can't get my mouth around it.
EDGE: *falls off Playstation*
BONO: Maybe if....look at...the box...
LARRY: Television?
BONO: Yeah, television...make it better.
LARRY: Oh, no...He's turned into an American!
BONO: *goes to watch television, trips over own two feet* Ow! Oh man, I feel so...so...
EDGE: Embarrassed?
BONO: Yeah.
EDGE: Tell me about it.
LARRY: Maybe we should take him to the doctor...
At the doctor's office
DOCTOR: What seems to be the problem?
EDGE: He's become completely inarticulate. It's so unlike him. I mean, usually you can't get him to shut up.
LARRY: And believe me, we've tried.
DOCTOR: I see.
EDGE: Um...Where's Adam?
LARRY: I think I saw him slip into the supply closet with one of the nurses.
DOCTOR: Okay, Mr. Bono, open up and say "Ahh."
BONO: Ahhhhhhhh....
DOCTOR: Okay, now could you do it a little lower, and more breathy?
BONO: What?
ELIZABETH: *pops out of supply closet* I got his pants! I got his pants! *runs down the hall waving Adam's trousers over her head*
ADAM: *limps after her* Come back here with those! I need --- *stops* Actually, I do enjoy the breeze... *wiggles butt, nods approvingly* *strut* *(with a limp)*
DOCTOR: Well it doesnt appear to be a throat problem. Could you remove your shirt, please?
EDGE: *blush*
BONO: Why?
DOCTOR: So I can...um....hear your heartbeat with this stethoscope!
BONO: Oh. Okay. *unbuttons shirt*
MONA: *Has had her mouth stuffed with cotton balls beforehand by a conscientous Discoteque*
DOCTOR: *presses stethoscope to Bono's chest*
JESSICA ANN: Lucky stethoscope.
DOCTOR: Well, everything sounds normal. Could you remove your pants please?
EDGE: *falls off x-ray machine*
BONO:What?!
LARRY: Wait a second...you look familiar.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.
LARRY: *rips off Doctor's fake moustache* Echo!
ECHO: It would have been the perfect crime...except...
BONO: Except what?
ECHO: Except I couldn't think of a good reason why Edge ought to remove his trousers.
EDGE: *falls off EKG monitor*
LARRY: Speaking of which, Adam would you please cover up?
ADAM: But Elizabeth ran off with my trousers!
LARRY: Here. *Hands Adam a roll of gauze* Use that.
ADAM: *rolls gauze around and around himself* It's no good. This material's too flimsy, I'm gonna be flashing the whole waiting room the Achtung Baby cover on the way out.
LARRY: *sigh* Just a second. *Grabs a roll of tape off counter. Rolls it around Adam over the gauze.* There. Now you're all nice and secure.
ADAM: Uh oh.
LARRY: What?
ADAM: Now I have to go to the bathroom.
Later, back at home.
EDGE: *examines his schematics* I've got it. The problem isn't phsyical at all...its up here. *taps forehead*
LARRY: Hey, what's been happening under that hat of yours is YOUR problem, not his.
EDGE: No, I mean the problem is in Bono's head! He's lost the gift of gab!
ADAM: Well, what do we do about it?
EDGE: There's only one known treatment. Thankfully, it's located right here in our home country of Ireland. Well....technically this isnt my home country...
ADAM: Not mine either. I'm English.
LARRY: Well, Echo's mom doesnt know that!
ADAM: Wow....for being the biggest Irish band in the world we're not very Irish, are we?
LARRY: Oh, man...this is a worse reality check than that time we found out we don't all live in the same house!
BONO: How do we....fix my, em...thing?
ALI: It's about bloody time! I've been wanting you to get fixed for years! Oh, hold on a sec. *leaves* *gives birth* *comes back* Anyway, as I was saying...
MONA: Ah man, you didn't just do that in the loo, did you? *picks up mop*
BONO: No I mean....how do we fix my...problem?
EDGE: Bono, your only hope is to kiss the legendary Blarney Stone and hope it bestows upon you your old locquacious ways.
And so our boys make the journey to Blarney Castle.
BONO: Can I....um...do that...thing...
EDGE: What thing?
BONO: You know....the, um...*makes steering gesture*
EVERYONE: NO!
They drive all night. When they get there, they have to wait in line with the other tourists.
EDGE: *takes out stencil*
ADAM: What are you doing?
EDGE: I haven't had a chance to touch up my goatee in thirty-six hours!
LARRY: Thirty-six hou----OMG What time is it?
EDGE: *looks at two way radio-wristwatch* Seven thirty-two AM. Why?
LARRY: Oh no....Where's my ball? *searches around in pockets* I need my ball!
ADAM: What, just the one?
LARRY: My crystal ball! I need it to....*eyes the others suspiciously* I've said too much.
EDGE: What are you talking about?
ADAM: Geez, Larry, it must have been a rough trip....you're lookin' older...
LARRY: WHAT?! I AM NOT!
EDGE: Hey, it's Bono's turn.
*Bono sits with his back to the stone. Edge holds Bono's knees with his hands, and Bono leans backward. Too far.*
BONO: *flapping arms!* Whoa! There's.....I....aaack! *starts to slip from Edge's grasp*
LARRY: His big head is weighing him down.
ADAM: You'd think the seven pounds would give him more leverage.
BONO: Edge! Grab me!
EDGE: With pleasure! I mean, uh, *blush*
*Edge puts his arms around Bono's waist and holds him tight.*
ADAM: Should we be seeing this?
LARRY: Hold onto the bars ya eejit!
BONO: *grabs iron bars and stretches his neck to reach the stone.*
PLEBA GIRLS: *vampire mode*
LARRY: *snarl!*
PLEBA GIRLS: *back off*
BONO: *kiss*
MONA: *sits in corner knitting herself a Blarney Stone costume* Rackem frackem....why didn't I think of this before?
BONO: *springs forward, jumps up, brushes self off* I feel like a new man! Why hello darlin', you come here often? Today is my lucky day, isn't it? The gift of gab and somethin' I'd like to grab...
EDGE: *falls off turret*
BONO: Oh dear, I'm a chatterbox, aren't I? Forgive me, but I just can't control myself when I'm near you....and speaking of Third World debt....
SPARKYS GIRL: Heh heh...*sneaks up on gauze-laden Adam with a pair of scissors*
------------------
*Echo the Pimpstress* ... Proud Owner of Animatronic Edge!
"Sting, you know I love you but you got a hell of a lot to learn about Rock n' Roll." -Bono
"Bono's stuck! I need something to poke him with! I can't get Bono out!!" - Mona
"Just because he's 40, bald and has five kids doesn't mean he's not adorable!"
- Me, before a LONG silence
Bono-Man! An Epic Superhero Adventure!
The Official PLEBA Glossary: Delicious AND Nutritious!
Go l? neach neamhshaolta do dhiosca crua. - May an alien being lick your hard disk.
[This message has been edited by Echo (edited 12-11-2001).]
MOM: "These guys are from Ireland, right?"
ME: "Um...more or less."
MOM: "Why dont you guys ever have any jokes about them being Irish?"
Well, Americans have a strange perception of the Irish. I never wanted to make any comments about them being Irish because its hard to tell whats really true of the Irish and whats American stereotyping. Besides, the Irishness of U2 has never been high on the PLEBA discussion priority list.
My mom suggested a story about U2 visiting the Blarney Stone. Fair enough. So I did a little research. I was not aware of the acrobatics that are involved in actually kissing the Blarney Stone. The way it's situated, you have to lie on your back, have a (very good) friend hold your legs while you lean backwards over an abyss and hold onto these iron bars. As illustrated below:
Anyway, one look at these pics and I knew this was PLEBA comedy gold.
Here's what I wrote:
BONO: Edge, have you seen my....em....my...thing...
EDGE: *blush* Not lately!
BONO: No, my...you know...*makes gesture like he's brushing his teeth*
EDGE: Oh, your Bon Jovi Electric Toothbrush? It's in my workshop. I tried to rewire it to double it's cleaning power, and there was a little mishap.
BONO: Mis...hap?
EDGE: Let me put it this way. When you see Adam, don't mention his limp.
BONO: *nods*
EDGE: Are you okay?
BONO: Mmm hmm.
EDGE: You're a little quiet.
BONO: Oh. Hmm.
LARRY: Morning, all. Edge, can I have your Hot Pockets?
EDGE: *blush* *falls off stool* What?
LARRY: *takes Hot Pocket out of freezer.* I'm starvin'. Hey, these arent the Philly Cheese Steak kind are they? I can never get all my meat out of those things.
EDGE: *blush* *falls off microwave*
LARRY: How's it goin', Boner?
BONO: It's like....wow...I just....
EDGE: Bono, have you been smoking Adam's cigarettes?
BONO: No! It's like...I can feel...words....but can't get my, you know...*points*
LARRY: Mouth?
BONO: Yeah I can't get my mouth around it.
EDGE: *falls off Playstation*
BONO: Maybe if....look at...the box...
LARRY: Television?
BONO: Yeah, television...make it better.
LARRY: Oh, no...He's turned into an American!
BONO: *goes to watch television, trips over own two feet* Ow! Oh man, I feel so...so...
EDGE: Embarrassed?
BONO: Yeah.
EDGE: Tell me about it.
LARRY: Maybe we should take him to the doctor...
At the doctor's office
DOCTOR: What seems to be the problem?
EDGE: He's become completely inarticulate. It's so unlike him. I mean, usually you can't get him to shut up.
LARRY: And believe me, we've tried.
DOCTOR: I see.
EDGE: Um...Where's Adam?
LARRY: I think I saw him slip into the supply closet with one of the nurses.
DOCTOR: Okay, Mr. Bono, open up and say "Ahh."
BONO: Ahhhhhhhh....
DOCTOR: Okay, now could you do it a little lower, and more breathy?
BONO: What?
ELIZABETH: *pops out of supply closet* I got his pants! I got his pants! *runs down the hall waving Adam's trousers over her head*
ADAM: *limps after her* Come back here with those! I need --- *stops* Actually, I do enjoy the breeze... *wiggles butt, nods approvingly* *strut* *(with a limp)*
DOCTOR: Well it doesnt appear to be a throat problem. Could you remove your shirt, please?
EDGE: *blush*
BONO: Why?
DOCTOR: So I can...um....hear your heartbeat with this stethoscope!
BONO: Oh. Okay. *unbuttons shirt*
MONA: *Has had her mouth stuffed with cotton balls beforehand by a conscientous Discoteque*
DOCTOR: *presses stethoscope to Bono's chest*
JESSICA ANN: Lucky stethoscope.
DOCTOR: Well, everything sounds normal. Could you remove your pants please?
EDGE: *falls off x-ray machine*
BONO:What?!
LARRY: Wait a second...you look familiar.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.
LARRY: *rips off Doctor's fake moustache* Echo!
ECHO: It would have been the perfect crime...except...
BONO: Except what?
ECHO: Except I couldn't think of a good reason why Edge ought to remove his trousers.
EDGE: *falls off EKG monitor*
LARRY: Speaking of which, Adam would you please cover up?
ADAM: But Elizabeth ran off with my trousers!
LARRY: Here. *Hands Adam a roll of gauze* Use that.
ADAM: *rolls gauze around and around himself* It's no good. This material's too flimsy, I'm gonna be flashing the whole waiting room the Achtung Baby cover on the way out.
LARRY: *sigh* Just a second. *Grabs a roll of tape off counter. Rolls it around Adam over the gauze.* There. Now you're all nice and secure.
ADAM: Uh oh.
LARRY: What?
ADAM: Now I have to go to the bathroom.
Later, back at home.
EDGE: *examines his schematics* I've got it. The problem isn't phsyical at all...its up here. *taps forehead*
LARRY: Hey, what's been happening under that hat of yours is YOUR problem, not his.
EDGE: No, I mean the problem is in Bono's head! He's lost the gift of gab!
ADAM: Well, what do we do about it?
EDGE: There's only one known treatment. Thankfully, it's located right here in our home country of Ireland. Well....technically this isnt my home country...
ADAM: Not mine either. I'm English.
LARRY: Well, Echo's mom doesnt know that!
ADAM: Wow....for being the biggest Irish band in the world we're not very Irish, are we?
LARRY: Oh, man...this is a worse reality check than that time we found out we don't all live in the same house!
BONO: How do we....fix my, em...thing?
ALI: It's about bloody time! I've been wanting you to get fixed for years! Oh, hold on a sec. *leaves* *gives birth* *comes back* Anyway, as I was saying...
MONA: Ah man, you didn't just do that in the loo, did you? *picks up mop*
BONO: No I mean....how do we fix my...problem?
EDGE: Bono, your only hope is to kiss the legendary Blarney Stone and hope it bestows upon you your old locquacious ways.
And so our boys make the journey to Blarney Castle.
BONO: Can I....um...do that...thing...
EDGE: What thing?
BONO: You know....the, um...*makes steering gesture*
EVERYONE: NO!
They drive all night. When they get there, they have to wait in line with the other tourists.
EDGE: *takes out stencil*
ADAM: What are you doing?
EDGE: I haven't had a chance to touch up my goatee in thirty-six hours!
LARRY: Thirty-six hou----OMG What time is it?
EDGE: *looks at two way radio-wristwatch* Seven thirty-two AM. Why?
LARRY: Oh no....Where's my ball? *searches around in pockets* I need my ball!
ADAM: What, just the one?
LARRY: My crystal ball! I need it to....*eyes the others suspiciously* I've said too much.
EDGE: What are you talking about?
ADAM: Geez, Larry, it must have been a rough trip....you're lookin' older...
LARRY: WHAT?! I AM NOT!
EDGE: Hey, it's Bono's turn.
*Bono sits with his back to the stone. Edge holds Bono's knees with his hands, and Bono leans backward. Too far.*
BONO: *flapping arms!* Whoa! There's.....I....aaack! *starts to slip from Edge's grasp*
LARRY: His big head is weighing him down.
ADAM: You'd think the seven pounds would give him more leverage.
BONO: Edge! Grab me!
EDGE: With pleasure! I mean, uh, *blush*
*Edge puts his arms around Bono's waist and holds him tight.*
ADAM: Should we be seeing this?
LARRY: Hold onto the bars ya eejit!
BONO: *grabs iron bars and stretches his neck to reach the stone.*
PLEBA GIRLS: *vampire mode*
LARRY: *snarl!*
PLEBA GIRLS: *back off*
BONO: *kiss*
MONA: *sits in corner knitting herself a Blarney Stone costume* Rackem frackem....why didn't I think of this before?
BONO: *springs forward, jumps up, brushes self off* I feel like a new man! Why hello darlin', you come here often? Today is my lucky day, isn't it? The gift of gab and somethin' I'd like to grab...
EDGE: *falls off turret*
BONO: Oh dear, I'm a chatterbox, aren't I? Forgive me, but I just can't control myself when I'm near you....and speaking of Third World debt....
SPARKYS GIRL: Heh heh...*sneaks up on gauze-laden Adam with a pair of scissors*
------------------
*Echo the Pimpstress* ... Proud Owner of Animatronic Edge!
"Sting, you know I love you but you got a hell of a lot to learn about Rock n' Roll." -Bono
"Bono's stuck! I need something to poke him with! I can't get Bono out!!" - Mona
"Just because he's 40, bald and has five kids doesn't mean he's not adorable!"
- Me, before a LONG silence
Bono-Man! An Epic Superhero Adventure!
The Official PLEBA Glossary: Delicious AND Nutritious!
Go l? neach neamhshaolta do dhiosca crua. - May an alien being lick your hard disk.
[This message has been edited by Echo (edited 12-11-2001).]
