8192005
I know it is already Friday morning.......... but there are good notes to be logged........
Today's theme - assertiveness, firmness, and accountibility are good things for me.
My father knows I love him, but I've got to start being more this way. It is no double standard, I am only acting in the same manner I would like him too - be patient concerned, caring, understanding, but most of all, being accountible for myself and my actions, and being firm with others in that regard.
I'm beginning to put my foot down more, and I believe it is a growing trend for me.
I would almost say that my tolerance is getting lower and lower..... but this is a good thing, believe you me. It will be almost two years of the same stories, and I'm not going to put myself through the bullshit anymore than I neccessary. I respect my father, and those he chooses to associate with, but I hold no double standards, and expect that respect reciprocated. Unfortunately, it has come to the point where I have to really look out for myself now...... though it has been that way for a while, I am......... being much more upfront about it.
I'm becoming the dominant person in my life, and it is important for me to learn how to do this, because I am becoming an adult.
The troubling thing is..... my father has always taught me to be careful who I associate with, and to have standards about things. He has really taught me many things, and set good examples. But........ as much as he has my love..... his own actions are causing me to distance myself more and more from him.
I keep getting stonger and stronger, and harder and harder about things, especially dealing with people....
I remember all my days, years of fear and following unquestioningly to others, or just muting myself (more so at school, etc), supressing my personalities. But now.... I see I'm growing harder and harder
And like any substance.......
If something is harder than something else, the harder one perseveres, whilst the other breaks and crumbles and bends. I used to change all the time to fit the world. But now....... I'm learning to be hard enough to make the world fit around me.
I will always be humble. and respect whatever 'power' I have in any situation. But.......... at last........
I feel "my" journey beginning.
Another key component to "me" has been acknowledged.
And my
Character building
continues.......
I am proud of myself today