When a man is interested in you...

[WildHoneyAlways]

I would answer honestly. There's no point in answering otherwise.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I would answer honestly. There's no point in answering otherwise.

same here. no matter what i know i would appriciate honesty and i would think others would as well. cause if you were interested in them than you wouldn't mind letting them know that and if you weren't then you might as well tell them that rather then string them along and risk hurting their feelings even more.

 

[VintagePunk]

Well, you can ask the guy.


Everybody is so different...... it's hardly an issue of "the male perspective" and "the female perspective". Each person likes to be approached, or chase, in a different way.

I still maintain that the "thrill of the chase" is more of a male phenomenon. I honestly can't think of one female I know of who behaves in this manner, whereas I can think of all kinds of males.

True.... there is a rampant case of dishonesty in many people, males especially.

Good luck with your search.


||||||


Here's a question for the ladies:

If a guy was up front and open about asking you a question about your relationship status or interest in him, how would you react?

IMO, dishonesty is a completely separate issue, and both sexes are guilty of it.

But to answer your question, if I returned the male's interest, I'd be all "hey, baby."

On the other hand, if I wasn't interested...well, I've been there, and I just suck at rejecting others. Sometimes I think I am too damned empathetic for my own good, and I absolutely HATE hurting people. Depending on the circumstances, I've tried to use general, non-hurtful responses (I'm too busy to become involved right now, I'm just coming out of a relationship and I'm not ready, etc.), but (and I'm ashamed to admit this), I've also gone the avoidance route and screened calls, avoided him, till he got the message and moved on.

 

[Windmilllane]

Why is it always up to the guy to say where the relationship is going or if there is even going to be one?? If I ask a guy out, I am desperate. How can guy stell if a woman is desperate or not? What do men see in a woman that turns them on?? Do men like natural women or the Paris Hilton type? I am taking an eating disorder addiction class and we were getting up in class showing pictures of advertisements and just picutres of what women look like today. I got up an dshowed the cover of People magazine with Linsay Lohan on the cover. She is sooooooo skinny and anorexic looking. There is this nice lookin gyoung guy in the class, who is an ass. He said she looked hot!!! That is sick and men love women who are sick like that??? He is twisted and apparently has no respect for women at all!! So men, what do you think of Linsay??

Lindsay is one f**cked up skank.

Men are into looks. That's the first thing they notice in women. That's why women are so self-conscience of how they look. Women feel forced to look like models. That's why most women suffer from eating disorders. They don't want to look fat and ugly or men won't be interested in them.

Women also look for looks, but they also look for other things like confidence, sense of humor, personality, etc. But looks is very important to women.
Guys look for one thing: looks. If a girl isn't pretty, they have no interest in them whatsoever.
Men are dogs. But it's our nature to be dogs.
That's my honest opinion. You may not agree with it, but it's my opinion.

 

[angelordevil]

Lindsay is one f**cked up skank.

Men are into looks. That's the first thing they notice in women. That's why women are so self-conscience of how they look. Women feel forced to look like models. That's why most women suffer from eating disorders. They don't want to look fat and ugly or men won't be interested in them.

Women also look for looks, but they also look for other things like confidence, sense of humor, personality, etc. But looks is very important to women.
Guys look for one thing: looks. If a girl isn't pretty, they have no interest in them whatsoever.
Men are dogs. But it's our nature to be dogs.
That's my honest opinion. You may not agree with it, but it's my opinion.

Personally, I would never date a person just based on their looks. I'm a guy. So, you don't speak for all guys. I also don't think you speak for all women.

Looks are obviously a part of the deal at a basic level for both men and women, but the most important things, like personality, humour, etc., are harder to define...and harder to find.

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

I was going to reply to windmilllane, but... I'd be here for days typing and at the moment I don't have that kind of time (and I'm sure other people will take him up on his ideas anyway), so I'll be brief.

Yes, it is your opinion. Yes, you're entitled to have an opinion. However, if you aren't willing to accept that your opinion may be flawed and in error, there's no real point to engaging in dialogue. If you just want to assert things willynilly and don't care about whether they're right, or whether you might be able to improve them (which is essential to all conversing; synthesizing ideas and seperating the grain from the chaff) and perhaps learning something from others - why offer it? You can't say something and then dismiss out of hand all other potential responses. If you don't care what other people are going to say, and you aren't going to gain anything from the conversation, why bludgeon people with your opinion? If your goal is to convert people to your, which seem to me a miserable one, view on the subject you should be prepared to defend those opinions when they are attacked and explain why you feel the way you do and why other people should abide your viewpoint. Just because you say something doesn't make it true, and if you don't care about truth, then you're living in a mad fantasy world.

 

[girlhappy]

Men are into looks. That's the first thing they notice in women. That's why women are so self-conscience of how they look. Women feel forced to look like models. That's why most women suffer from eating disorders. They don't want to look fat and ugly or men won't be interested in them.

Women also look for looks, but they also look for other things like confidence, sense of humor, personality, etc. But looks is very important to women.
Guys look for one thing: looks. If a girl isn't pretty, they have no interest in them whatsoever.
Men are dogs. But it's our nature to be dogs.
That's my honest opinion. You may not agree with it, but it's my opinion.

Arent you a bit tired of repeating yourself?

 

[yimou]

Men are dogs.

 

[U2Man]

Men are dogs.

 

[For Honor]

Women give me bones, what can I say

 

[the soul waits]

Women give me bones, what can I say

:wtf: ???

 

[TwoAmericas]

Women give me boners.

 

[VintagePunk]

Way to derail my thread, people.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Way to derail my thread, people.

Zoo Confessionals: Home of the Thread Derailers

It's got a nice ring to it.

 

[VintagePunk]

Zoo Confessionals: Home of the Thread Derailers

It's got a nice ring to it.

It does.

Hope things are going better for you, btw.

 

[girlhappy]

Back to the topic. I just tried to meet up with this guy and i did my best(I"ve sent him about 3 invitations). i just got text message :i cant. What can i say?I am thrilled. And it just confirms my theory:if you show your interest and affection openly....here is the result. And btw.I know this guy for 6 years and we are some kind of "friends".

 

[U2Girl1978]

Lindsay is one f**cked up skank.

Men are into looks. That's the first thing they notice in women. That's why women are so self-conscience of how they look. Women feel forced to look like models. That's why most women suffer from eating disorders. They don't want to look fat and ugly or men won't be interested in them.

Women also look for looks, but they also look for other things like confidence, sense of humor, personality, etc. But looks is very important to women.
Guys look for one thing: looks. If a girl isn't pretty, they have no interest in them whatsoever.
Men are dogs. But it's our nature to be dogs.
That's my honest opinion. You may not agree with it, but it's my opinion.

Honestly, you need to stop going on and on and on about this because it's lame and it's starting to get really tiresome.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

It does.

Hope things are going better for you, btw.

They are, thanks.

 

[MsGiggles]

I think in this lifetime, you have to do more than give "signals" to show you're interested in somebody. A lot of signals fall under fliriting and anymore if you flirt with a guy he just flirts back and that's about the extent of it. It's just flirting.

I think if you are really interested in somebody, you have to just say it - if they shoot you down, you're life isn't over - move on....

 

[For Honor]

Back to the topic. I just tried to meet up with this guy and i did my best(I"ve sent him about 3 invitations). i just got text message :i cant. What can i say?I am thrilled. And it just confirms my theory:if you show your interest and affection openly....here is the result. And btw.I know this guy for 6 years and we are some kind of "friends".

it doesn't sound like you know him very well, if you have "known" each other for 6 years.

I think you need to get a new "friend". There are people who respond to "showing affection and interest openly". Does that make sense?

If you've known this guy for so long, and your strategy isn't working, then something needs to change. It's him or you- your call.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

it doesn't sound like you know him very well, if you have "known" each other for 6 years.

I think you need to get a new "friend". There are people who respond to "showing affection and interest openly". Does that make sense?

If you've known this guy for so long, and your strategy isn't working, then something needs to change. It's him or you- your call.

I don't see why she has to stop being friends with this guy. If it doesn't work out they can at least still be friends.

And some of the nicest guys I know have trouble showing affection. Don't write them all off.

 

[girlhappy]

And some of the nicest guys I know have trouble showing affection. Don't write them all off.

Thank you,Wildhoney

 

[girlhappy]

We cant be friends because i am emotionally involved. Meaning: I have deep feelings for him and whenever i see him it all comes out. It doesnt help me to be open for new love. I think that he knows that i care, but he just wants to keep his distance and come and go whenever he wants. He is jealous when i have a boyfriend but he just wants to keep me by his side. I feel like i am in his closet sometimes. I believe this is not exactly the right example for this thread, but still... You know, its hard to move on when you feel it is your soulmate and perfect match. But obviously, he is not my soulmate. He is just brain-fuck. (very sorry, but there is no better expression). I should break any connection with him i suppose.

 

[For Honor]

I don't see why she has to stop being friends with this guy. If it doesn't work out they can at least still be friends.

And some of the nicest guys I know have trouble showing affection. Don't write them all off.

Look, I'm all for the Mr. Darcy types. Hell, I'm one of them myself, in some ways.


But my point is.... after 6 years of the same thing (apparnetly), I see no reason for either of you to be hanging around each other like that. You guys can be "friends" if you want, but from what I'm hearing, girlhappy, you don't want "friends" with some guy
'
You want something more


And you should have that.
I don't see any reason for you to continue lingering on about this. Yeah, emotional attachement, I believe you, yes.


It's your call, and that's the bottom line.

As i've said in my other posts - I've stated what I would do if I were in your situation. This post is no differet; it's just my opinion.

I think that he knows that i care, but he just wants to keep his distance and come and go whenever he wants. He is jealous when i have a boyfriend but he just wants to keep me by his side. I feel like i am in his closet sometimes. I believe this is not exactly the right example for this thread, but still... You know, its hard to move on when you feel it is your soulmate and perfect match. But obviously, he is not my soulmate.

Is it his fault for him not being your soul mate, or is it your fault for wanting him to be something he's not?

 

[girlhappy]

No. his faults would be: telling me that he is one of the 3 most important men in my life, telling me that we have a "date" instead of just going to gallery, etc. I have 100 other examples like that. I am questioning his morality for months. Iif he is doing this like - intentionally, that is called seduction. And if he doesnt want to take the responsibility and just wants to keep me hanging - i think it is not really "innocent behaviour". The thing is: I cant figure it out. There are probably two possibilities: one is that he cares but because he is emotionally retarded he cant do anything about it. Second: he is just playing games and enjoying the ride. (meaning: selfish bastard). Sometimes i am so angry, sometimes i feel sorry for him. Right now i think the best thing would be stay away. But is it the right solution? You cant solve the problem if you just run away from it.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

The thing is: I cant figure it out. There are probably two possibilities: one is that he cares but because he is emotionally retarded he cant do anything about it. Second: he is just playing games and enjoying the ride. (meaning: selfish bastard). Sometimes i am so angry, sometimes i feel sorry for him. Right now i think the best thing would be stay away. But is it the right solution? You cant solve the problem if you just run away from it.

Ahhh....the emotionally retarded. I know that kind all too well.

Here I something I've learned: Men don't like to "talk" like women do. They just don't. As hurtful, infuriating, annoying, and rage inducing as that may be, I believe it to be the truth. I've asked the guys I work with. They're all around my age (27) and they concur. They would rather ignore the situation then have "the talk" about it.
Personally, I hate to walk away from any kind of relationship without at least talking about it first but it's not just up to me. I also agree that the problem can not be solved by running away. But again, who knows what he'll think.

I'm not a fan of ignoring the problem. Give it a go, see what happens.

 

[VintagePunk]

No. his faults would be: telling me that he is one of the 3 most important men in my life, telling me that we have a "date" instead of just going to gallery, etc. I have 100 other examples like that. I am questioning his morality for months. Iif he is doing this like - intentionally, that is called seduction. And if he doesnt want to take the responsibility and just wants to keep me hanging - i think it is not really "innocent behaviour". The thing is: I cant figure it out. There are probably two possibilities: one is that he cares but because he is emotionally retarded he cant do anything about it. Second: he is just playing games and enjoying the ride. (meaning: selfish bastard). Sometimes i am so angry, sometimes i feel sorry for him. Right now i think the best thing would be stay away. But is it the right solution? You cant solve the problem if you just run away from it.

Have you asked him what the meaning is behind these vague comments, or is it a situation where it would be uncomfortable to ask him, and possibly result in ending the friendship?

 

[For Honor]

No. his faults would be: telling me that he is one of the 3 most important men in my life,

.....


How can he tell you that?

Isn't that your judgement to make?

and besides..... what's with "3 most important" ?


I think you need to find someone who can, and is willing to be, THE most important man in your life.



but whatever - you can do as you like. It doesn't seem that things are going in a very 'results-orientated' way.

 

[the rockin edge]

i've been interested in a couple girls the last couple years, i never said anything/done anything about it. I'm not sure why, maybe cause i knew nothing would happen even if i did something, maybe cause i didn't know the "right way" to approach the subject

maybe i just don’t have the "requisite balls" that ZD was talking about but i don't think it really matters who asks who out

 

[girlhappy]

Have you asked him what the meaning is behind these vague comments, or is it a situation where it would be uncomfortable to ask him, and possibly result in ending the friendship?

Yes, probably. Of course, you CANT ask someone who is mentally retarded for open talk. Things are left unspoken and under the surface you just know it is not pure friendship.It is not friendship at all! As for "3 most important men".. yea, i should react when he says something like that. I should probably aks him directly:What do you mean by that?Because he was dead serious when he said that. Of course, he is not there for me at all, and he doesnst deserve to be called as "most important" man in my life anyway.
I think i will let him go. Before that, maybe i should have open convesation and next time when he take my hand I should say:Friends dont do that. But, he is soooo f...up and not open about anything especially when it comes to something personal. There is only one problem: he is in the pretty poor state of mind at this moment.That"why i dont jump to the conclusion so fast. But, he refuses to open his heart so nobody can really help. And i am not that close to him .He always push me away when i come too close.