Alright you want a confession here's one...

[guaca]

Ok you want a confession I?ll give you a confession. It?s not like I know you guys right.

Well this has reentered my mind lately so here goes nothing.

I was molested when I was younger by my sister?s husband. I never told anyone. I don?t know why. I was ashamed I guess. He?d find ways to be around me. My parents, my family would say sure go take her here or there. Yah go see what she is doing tell her to hurry up?whatever.

I?d be changing and he?d come into the room. I?d be watching tv on the couch and he?s come to the couch. I?d be babysitting his children and he?s come downstairs naked and sit in front of me. When my family finally found out ? I told them when my sister was getting divorced from him ? my brother tried to kill him?was not the best time of my life that?s for sure.

OK I think I?ve had enough of this confession?.even if I don?t know you guys?I still feel judged?.bye?

 

[HelloAngel]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

One of my best friends in high school was molested and raped several times at gunpoint by her brother in-law at her house. I was so sad and terrified for her - but because of the "at gunpoint" thing, she was scared to death. He threatened to kill her. It was awful.

((((HUGS)))))

 

[U2girl]

That's horrible. I'm very sorry you had to go trough that.

It's good that you told your family - if only every victim would do that... it needs to be done for your own sake, and to protect anyone else these people may want to harm in the future.

I know this reply may sound smart-assy (as i haven't experinced that, so i don't have any idea whatsoever what you're feeling), but don't feel judged, because it is not your fault.

 

[Sicy]

Oh my god.

((( WHACKA )))

I'm really sorry to hear that.. I cant even imagine how horrible that must be.. it would probly scar me for life because I dont handle traumatic things very well.

You shouldnt feel judged AT ALL.

 

[Screaming Flower]

i am truly sorry. your story is heartbreaking. it took tremendous courage on your part to even discuss it so please don't ever feel judged. u2girl is right - you did nothing wrong and you did the right thing in finally telling your family. one can only hope that you prevented this monster from hurting anyone else. my thoughts and prayers are with you today.

 

[guaca]

You know it?s funny.

It went on for such a long time. I was like how do I get out of this and I?d think to myself ?please don?t let him be here?

A whole lot of things go through your mind. The whole while that it goes on, you just kind of go numb and wait for it to stop. Pretty pathetic that I didn?t have the guts to say anything. I convinced myself it must be me, I must deserve it or something. It happened so long ago but it?s a vivid as all hell. Can?t help but feel judged ? judged for not saying anything, not stopping it ? although I did try and fight him but he was a lot stronger than I was ? not to mention he knew how to threaten, not with a gun, but words were threatening enough to me at the time.

I may have told the family but nothing ever happened to him. I resented my family for not figuring it out. Only person it seemed to scar was me?oh well I guess life goes on right?

 

[BAW]

Whacka, you should never, ever, ever blame yourself or feel responsible for what a sick predator did to you. It was NOT your fault. You are very lucky that your family found out and believed you. That's really important.

I was fondled by my stepfather and never told anyone but my sister. My sister was molested by him for years but didn't tell anyone until she was 30. When she finally told our Mom, she was called a liar and was slapped across the face. Our mother is still married to this man and they have a 14 old daughter together and I'm worried sick about her. She's my baby sister and I can't imagine her going through what her older sisters went through.

I understand how you feel carrying this thing around with you and you are really, really brave to talk about it.

((((whacka))))


------------------
Just as you find me
Always I will be
A little bit too free
With myself

 

[gvox]

That is just fuckin sick. What is it with men?? Honestly some of them make me ashamed to be male.

Im really sorry for your experience. You should not feel judged at all. There is no excuse for someone who takes liberties like that. Totally unacceptable. Don't let them blame the victim.

Gabriel

 

[cell]

Oh my God, Whacka, I am so sorry you went thru that. You shouldn't feel judged at all.
*HUGS*

------------------
you've got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice..

 

[spinninghead77]

Whacka... I wish that there was something that I could say, but I think that it has all been said already.

You are a strong person for still standing so many years later. If you ever need to talk, or just someone to vent to... email me spinninghead77@hotmail.com

((((Hugs))))

 

[elevatedmole]

I think everyone has said it perfectly.

*hugs Whacka*

------------------
"You must not look down on someone just 'cos they are 14 years old. When I was that age I listened to the music of John Lennon and it changed my way of seeing things, so I'm just glad that 14 year olds are coming to see U2 rather than group X." - Bono, 1988

Popheart.org

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

You know I'm here if you ever need to talk.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

[UV2001]

Why are you worried we will judge you? You did nothing wrong. None of that was your fault so how could anyone possibly have a reason for judging you?
I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that

*hugs*

[This message has been edited by UV2001 (edited 05-07-2002).]

 

[joyfulgirl]

I'm sorry, Whackamole.

And I'm sorry you feel (or fear?) being judged and I think I might understand why. In my experience people who have the courage to share these experiences often end up carrying the stigma of being "that girl who was molested" even by the most well-meaning people. I don't think people mean anything by it, it's just that it's such disturbing information, no matter how much we hear about it, that people come to identify the person by that piece of their history.

But I hope something good comes from having spoken about it to us. I don't know what exactly, but that expression "the truth will set you free" comes to mind.

 

[guaca]

Well thanks so much for the encouragement guys - everyone - thanks really.

I've been going through a wee bit of a cleansing of late and it's brought up some of my fatal flaws I guess. Started some doubt of my self-worth I guess. So I have a question for you all now if you do happen to come back to this thread.

A joyfulgirl has pointed out I have to think - do you now, or will you now look at me differently now that I have confessed an ugly secret about my past. The people I know - will you now never look at me the same. If this is the way that it will be then I must leave this place - I'd hate for you to see ugliness whenever I post in this forum.

I'm quite embarassed now - maybe I shouldn't have said anything and just kept it to myself. Gabriel - you are the sweetest of sweets and I thank you for your humble thoughts.

Peace

[This message has been edited by WhackaMole (edited 05-07-2002).]

 

[~LadyLemon~]

Originally posted by WhackaMole:
The people I know - will you now never look at me the same. If this is the way that it will be then I must leave this place - I'd hate for you to see ugliness whenever I post in this forum.

No one should see "ugliness" when you post. You are not ugly--an ugly thing has happened to you. Being a survivor of something like this makes you a more beautiful person. You're obviously a person of great strength to have been able to pull yourself through this odeal. So that's what I'll think of when I see your posts: strength.

------------------

Just as you find me
Always I will be
A little bit too free
With myself

 

[BAW]

Originally posted by WhackaMole:


will you now never look at me the same. If this is the way that it will be then I must leave this place - I'd hate for you to see ugliness whenever I post in this forum.

[This message has been edited by WhackaMole (edited 05-07-2002).]

No, I don't think anyone feels that way. LadyLemon said it exactly right...you are not ugly because something ugly happened to you. You came here and shared because you know people here care about you. Please trust that this is not going to be what anyone thinks about when you post. Don't leave and please don't be embarrased.

I see you as a very brave woman.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Originally posted by ~LadyLemon~:
No one should see "ugliness" when you post. You are not ugly--an ugly thing has happened to you. Being a survivor of something like this makes you a more beautiful person. You're obviously a person of great strength to have been able to pull yourself through this odeal. So that's what I'll think of when I see your posts: strength.

I couldn't have said this better myself.

 

[diamond]

Whacka-
You should talk w a qualfied professional about this.
Seriously.
You have friends here too.

diamond

------------------
AIM= diamondbruno9

[This message has been edited by diamond (edited 05-07-2002).]

 

[Bonochick]

That's a horrible experience, Whacka. Nobody should ever have to deal with such, especially not a sweetheart like you. *hug*

I'm always around to talk about anything and everything, okay?

------------------
"Frisbetarians believe that when they die their soul goes up on the roof, and they can't get it down."

Bonochick's Place

 

[guaca]

Originally posted by diamond:
Whacka-
You should talk w a qualfied professional about this.
Seriously.
You have friends here too.

diamond

Well I haven't talked to a qualified professional before about it...I've been able to handle it OK so far....not sure what the point would be in dragging it out now...other than cause lots of misery for those around...I think I'd rather bottle it up with the genie and throw it back into the ocean...hopefully I can do that..

Somehow I don't think the people around me would understand why now....I?d also have a hard time having the people around me look at me differently. You see if I think I?m being judged here, then it stands to reason that I would feel judged by the people around me. I think I?ll just go home and hug my daughters...

Diamond, I appreciate your sentiment even though I've never spoken with you before

[This message has been edited by WhackaMole (edited 05-07-2002).]

 

[foray]

He's a fucking bastard slimey asshole who need his nuts twisted opposite directions, for doing that to you. It's so sick, no matter how subtle a molestation is, it makes me sick.

foray

 

[joyfulgirl]

What LadyLemon and Bono's American Wife said...

I can't imagine anyone would see you as ugly (I'm sorry if that's what was inferred from my post!). We all have ugly things in our closets. One in six women in America have been sexually assaulted. It needs to be talked about, in my opinion. I don't care how uncomfortable it makes people to hear about it; they need to hear about this ugliness. That's why I think it's incredible that all this stuff is coming out about the priests in the Catholic Church who have molested children, because it's also happening in average American homes everyday. Everyone knows someone who has been sexually assaulted/molested, whether they know it or not. It's not just something that happens to a certain type of person. There is no type. It's our colleagues, our neighbors, our family members.

But Whackamole, YOU are NOT this ugly thing that happened to you.

 

[Sicy]

Originally posted by foray:
He's a fucking bastard slimey asshole who need his nuts twisted opposite directions, for doing that to you. It's so sick, no matter how subtle a molestation is, it makes me sick.

 

[ghetofabu]

Originally posted by foray:
He's a fucking bastard slimey asshole who need his nuts twisted opposite directions, for doing that to you. It's so sick, no matter how subtle a molestation is, it makes me sick.

------------------
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

 

[ACROB@T]

{{wacka}}

 

[U2girl]

Originally posted by WhackaMole:

do you now, or will you now look at me differently now that I have confessed an ugly secret about my past. The people I know - will you now never look at me the same. If this is the way that it will be then I must leave this place - I'd hate for you to see ugliness whenever I post in this forum.

I'm quite embarassed now - maybe I shouldn't have said anything and just kept it to myself. Gabriel - you are the sweetest of sweets and I thank you for your humble thoughts.

Peace

[This message has been edited by WhackaMole (edited 05-07-2002).]

What i see is a strong person who has been through hell, and yet had the courage to tell about it to its own family, and maybe prevented future acts, last but not least started the healing by talking about it.
A very BRAVE person that talks about something as painful and horrible and personal in front of an internet audience, packed with (basically) strangers. That takes guts.

 

[ghetofabu]

Originally posted by U2girl:
What i see is a strong person who has been through hell, and yet had the courage to tell about it to its own family, and maybe prevented future acts, last but not least started the healing by talking about it.
A very BRAVE person that talks about something as painful and horrible and personal in front of an internet audience, packed with (basically) strangers. That takes guts.

Please don't leave.

------------------
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

 

[U2girl]

Ok, you wanna know the first thing that i thought about?

I thought how selfish i was about thinking i have problems, yet they are nothing compared to your tragic experience.

You said "i didn't have the guts to say anything" and that's why you feel judged.

First, things like that shouldn't happen in the first place - children's innocence should never be violated.
Second, you fought him and you told your family - that is a whole lot more than "not saying anything".
Third, even if you did/said nothing, that doesn't justify what happened. HE's the guilty party here, molesters don't have any right to hurt their victims.
Fourth, don't ever think that you deserved it. IMO, no one, not even the worst imaginable criminals, doesn't deserve a thing like that, no one should ever experience it.
(however, i do think they should get the crap beaten out of them and put in jail for life)

 

[U2girl]

Lastly, you are a winner. He may have hurt your body, but he didn't break your spirit and soul.

You had a good life afterwards (i presume) and you're still around, with daughters.

So IMO good emerged inspite of evil.