Lance's Mom-inspired art: stick it in here

[Imperor]

Did you have to pay them to rewrite that?

 

[LemonMelon]

"Blowing to California"

Spent my days with a woman too kind
Blowed my stuff and swallowed every time
She did her best, but I'm still climbing the walls
Going to California with an aching in my balls
Someone told me there's a girl out there
Without a virus between her thighs and she'll gladly take it in there

Took my chances on an aging dame
She tells me they're starting to look all the same
Oh, she was red down there but her hair was grey
I wondered how I could get out of having to pay
No refunds, so the bed began to tremble and shake
The neighbors next door began to awake

The wrath of Bob made him punch me in the nose
And she was getting ready to go
I couldn't help thinking
If I throw him a line it'll all be fine
He can take her low path and I'll take the high

Here you'll find a queen with two kings
They say when she does DP, she cries, and sings
Ah ah ah ah owwww
Ride a grey mare to the footsteps of dawn
Knowing there's no way a child could be born
She tells me she likes it when two people ream
"It's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems"

 

[lazarus]

Beautifully done.

 

[lazarus]

And hey, look who got a shout-out on their earlier album!

BED HAPPENIN' -- II

Whole Lotta Room
White Jizz and Who Should Never Breed
The LemonMelon Song
Spank You

Tart-Hooker
Living-Making Lays (She's Just A Whore)
Gamble On (No Condom)
Drippy Dick
O-Ring It On Home

 

[lazarus]

PENILE JAM -- V.D. (FIVE INSIDE ONE)

1. Ho'
2. Animal-Style
3. (Wish I Had A) Daughter
4. Gorgified P
5. Piss-Dentures
6. A.2.M.

7. Stud
8. Rearviewmounting
9. Crabs
10. Elderly Whore On The Corner In A Small Town
11. (Dropped the) Lance
12. Quim Whiffins

 

[lazarus]

Speaking of 90's grunge:

PERVANA -- BEEN UTERO?

1. Serve the Sailors
2. Clothesless For-Rent-Miss
3. Heart-Shaved Bush
4. Scrape Me
5. Lance's Mom Will Have Her Revenge on Daytona
6. Gums

7. Hairy Gape
8. Milk It (On My Face)
9. Penny For Ma Teat
10. Porno-Friendly Unit Sucker
11. Whorettes
12. Anal Apogees

 

[lazarus]

Back to a more classic "vein":

THE TROLLING CRONES -- BETWEEN THE BUTTOCKS
(British Version)

1. Yesterday's Prophies
2. Thigh Obsession
3. Back Door Girl
4. Erection
5. She Smiled, Swallowed
6. Cock, Warm & Lubricated

7. All Poled Out
8. Skeeze Go Home
9. Who's Been Seeping Here?
10. Solicited
11. Miss Amanda Bones
12. Someone Crapped On Me Yesterday

American Version alternates:

Let's Spend the Night Together (for $15)
Ruby Starfruit

 

[lazarus]

THE WHOre -- QUADROPHALLUS

Side One
1. I Ate the Seed
2. The Real Meat
3. Quadrophallus
4. Slut? Me Here.
5. The Spunk and the Old Mother

Side Two
1. I'm Done
2. The Spurty Jobs
3. Helpless Lance
4. Is It in My Hair?
5. I've Laid Enough

Side Three
1. 5:15am
2. Semen in Hand
3. Drowned (In Jizz)
4. Ball Boy*

Side Four
1. Outta Jimmies
2. The Cock
3. Load, Rain o'er Me



* interesting to note that Shuttlecock may have named their first album after this

 

[lazarus]

Well I just had a good ol' laugh re-reading this page.


Anyway, it's been a while:

THE POUND BETWEEN HER SHEETS
(from the Million Dollar Whoretel soundtrack)

music: Shuttlecock
words: Salmon Muffdie

All my life, I purchased her
Her moldin' vag, her booty's bleat
How she made us deal
How she made me squeal
And the pound between her sheets
And the pound between her sheets

And now i can't be sure of STDs
Cock is red, and sores to beat
For what i purchased stole my health away
It was the pound between her sheets
It was the pound between her sheets

Go loosely down your darkened cave
Go whitely undermound
I was down there just the other day
I won't pay until you're plowed

Let me rip you a new, let me fresco you
Let me lead you to where two cocks meet
O come back above
Where there's a leather glove
leather glove

 

[Imperor]

This:

words: Salmon Muffdie

And this:

Go loosely down your darkened cave
Go whitely undermound
I was down there just the other day
I won't pay until you're plowed

have rekindled my love for Lance's Mom-inspired art.

 

[Reggo]

I don't know if I could bring myself to even parody Cockplay titles.

But let's talk about a true classic:

BED HAPPENIN' - IV

1. Black Dong
2. Cock and Hole
3. The Battle of Heavy-whore
4. Clear Way to Beavin'

5. Yeasty Mountin' Pop
6. Four Dicks
7. Blowing to California
8. When the Jimmy Breaks



There's a lady who's sure all who pimps are in gold
And she's paving a clear way to beavin'
When he gets there she blows, if other whores are closed
With a ten he can get what he came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's paving a clear way to beavin'

There's a sign on the wall but she he to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes whores need vaccining
In an alley by the bank, there's an old bird who skanks
Sometimes all of her thoughts are of reaming
Ooh, she makes the hummer
Ooh, she makes the hummer

There's a feeling I get when I look to the breasts
And my spirit is dying for beaving
In my thoughts I have seen things I'll poke through the knees
And the voices of those who stand hooking
and she makes the hummerr
really makes the hummer

And it's whispered a nooner may get you the fresh tuna
Then the pimp will lead us to pay more
And a new rate will dawn for those who last long
And the whores will echo with laughter

GUITAR SOLO

If there's a rustlin' in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just moving crabs from the Lay Queen
Yes, there are two holes you can go in, but in the long run
There's still time to spray the load around
Ooh, she makes the hummer
Ooh, Ooh, she makes the hummer

Your head is cumming and it won't slow, pillowcase is wet now
The pimp is calling you to pay him
Rear entry, can't you feel the hind blow, and did you know
Your clear way lies on the queefing quim

GUITAR SOLO

And as we wind through the ghetto
Erections taller than our souls
Streetwalks a lady we all know
Who spreads white legs and wants to show
How everything still turns to mold
And if you fist her very hard
Her tune' will close on you at last
When all have cum and cum have all
To have a cock and not to troll.

And she's paving the clear way to beavin'

Laz, this is your best work ever. Well done, sir

 

[lazarus]

MELTIN' JOHN, SOMEONE SHAVED MY MOM TONIGHT

When I think of those East End chicks, thuggy pimps
Meat curtains drawn in the little room upstairs
Deadbeat Daddy oh you really should have stayed
Squatting like a seamstress perched on her electric bed
And it's one more trick and she don't feel it anymore
They've all gone crazy lately
The johns out there rolling round the bedroom floor

And someone shaved my mom tonight way down there
She always had to hook for me didn't you dear
They usually had her roped and tied
Anus-pound, victimized
Sweet semen drizzled on her rear
You're a prostitute
And prostitutes are free to toot
Toot away, shoot away, cry cry

I never realized the acid hours of golden showers
Her lips loose hanging from the deepest reams
She's strangled by the whoretel social club
Just a pull out sprayed by a dominating chub
It's four mo' cocks in the morning
Damn they fist it to her good
she's reeking with high stink tonight
stopped in time, thank God my mom is still alive

And someone shaved my mom tonight way down there
She always had to hook for me didn't you dear
They usually had her roped and tied
Anus-pound, victimized
Sweet semen drizzled on her rear
You're a prostitute
And prostitutes are free to toot
Toot away, shoot away, cry cry

And she would have worked head in into the deep end of the rectum
Clinging to your cock and balls
Paying for V.D. meds forever
They're coming in the morning with a fuck to take them home
Someone shaved my mom tonight, someone shaved my mom tonight
Someone shaved my mom tonight, someone shaved my mom tonight
Someone shaved my mom tonight
She saves her share and runs the table while I'm at home

 

[No spoken words]

You're obviously a sick and depraved individual, but, I laughed out loud at, of all things "thank god my Mom is still alive".

 

[lazarus]

I thought you'd be a fan of "she's reeking with high stink tonight". I was going for a little classic literature vibe there.

 

[UberBeaver]

Dear Lord, that's friggin hysterical.

 

[lazarus]

BRUISED SKINSTEEN, BORN TO RUT

1. Thunder Load
2. 10th Avenue Skeeze Out
3. White
4. Backstripes

5. Born to Rut
6. He's the John
7. Reaming Across the River
8. Junglesnatch

 

[Imperor]

Where did the inspiration come from?

 

[lazarus]

Don't know, but I also went into Photoshop and put some random pimp in Clarence Clemmon's place on the real album cover, and then realized The Big Man already looked like a pimp and my work was kind of pointless.

 

[lazarus]

The classic albums series continues:


BEATWOOD HAG, REAMERS



1. Second Hand Cooze
2. Creams
3. Never Going Backdoor Again
4. Cunt Slop
5. You Can Blow Your Own Way
6. Dongbird

7. The Train
8. You Make Glovin' Fun
9. I Don't Wanna Ho
10. No Daddy
11. Mold Crust Woman

 

[lazarus]

THE ABRADE THIGH-ER, NEON DILDO

1. Cock Milker
2. Keep the Johns Coming
3. Neon Dildo
4. Contraception
5. Cock Slave/Bed Vibrations
6. Ocean of Boys
7. The Pill and the Whorehouse
8. Panty-Lice Prostitution Blues
9. Whack-off-spill
10. Ho Scars Show
11. My Body Is a Sponge

 

[GirlsAloudFan]

(just a start)

Bob Rimmin' - Tangled Up In Goo

Early one mornin' my cock was risin'
I was layin' in bed
Wonderin' if she's aged at all
If her muff was still red
Her pimp he said our night together
Sure was gonna be rough
She made me wear Mama's homemade dress
Said my penis wasn't big enough
And I was standin' tryin' to make it grow
Pre-cum fallin' on my shoes
She crawled toward the bed post
Lord knows I've paid some dues pounding through
Tangled up in goo

She was homeless when we first met
Soon to be a whore
She wanted me to jam it in, I guess
I was ashamed of what's in my shorts
Well she stroked me just as hard as she could
My hands trembling on her breasts
She spit up on my cock that night
Both agreein' it was best
She turned around and bent over
As I was about to spray
I heard her say over her shoulder
"You can put it in my ass today, if you want to"
Tangled up in pooh

 

[Imperor]

I really hope Dylan performs that when I (possibly) see him a week from today.

 

[lazarus]

Wow, we've just opened up a whole new arena of filth.

Well done, Gaffer.

Can't wait to get into the other gems on Blood on Her Cracks.

 

[lazarus]

THE ABRADE THIGH-ER, FUN ANAL

1. Neighborwhore #1 (Diggin' Tunnels)
2. Neighborwhore #2 (Licker)
3. Une Salope Sans Underwiere
4. Neighborwhore #3 (Throw Her Out)
5. Neighborwhore #4 (7 Condoms)
6. Brown of Love
7. Coked Up
8. Latté'd
9. Rebellion (Lance)
10. In the Backdoor

 

[cobl04]

 

[lazarus]

Buck - Oldlay

1. Devil's Bare-Slut
2. Twatwax
3. Whore Only Knows
4. The Jew Pollution
5. Dairy-lick
6. Ova-pain
7. Pack-ass
8. Where It's Shat
9. Minus (Teeth)
10. Pissy Wreck
11. Steady Laid
12. Pay 5 (Fuck the Fat Skeeze)
13. Clamtrickle

 

[LemonMelon]

Buck - Fellations

1. Old Canes
2. Anyone's Vag (If They Pay)
3. Lazy Thighs
4. Hand Held Dick
5. She Fucks Again
6. Chlamydia
7. Head Abilities
8. Brothel of Jews
9. Oh, Maria!
10. Wring It Again
11. Stab It (UK Bonus Track)

 

[lazarus]

Yes. Perhaps we need to join forces for Midnight Vulvas and Sheet Change?

 

[cobl04]

i never knew the man was so seedy.

 

[lazarus]

BUCK, MIDNITE VULVAS

1. Sexx Jaws*
2. Vaseline and Granny
3. Tricks Business
4. Get Real Laid

LM, you wanna take over?

Spoiler

* "Can't you feel that cold speculum/hijacking your perineum"