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Old 03-28-2002, 07:49 AM   #1
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This is a riot (political satire)

I found this at

It's a satricial piece

The Borowitz Report: Rockers Rap on Social Security
U2's Bono wants reforms, but Aerosmith's Steven Tyler has other ideas

Newsweek, March 27, 2002

By humorist Andy Borowitz

In a sign that he intends to step up his day-to-day involvement in the workings of the federal government, Irish rocker Bono delivered a 1,062-page plan to Congress today. His aim: to insure the Social Security program's solvency through fiscal year 2050.

But Bono gave a sneak preview one night earlier, interrupting a U2 concert at London's Wembley Stadium to explain his proposal. "In 2000, the Social Security system took in $568 billion and paid out $415 billion," Bono told the standing-room-only crowd in a 45-minute presentation complete with pie charts and bar graphs.

"But some privatization of the program will be necessary to insure its solvency when the so-called baby boom generation retires," said Bono, who coauthored the proposal with U2 guitarist the Edge.

While Bono's plan is garnering high marks on both sides of the aisle in Congress, it faces stiff opposition from one quarter: Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, who excoriated Bono's proposal at an Aerosmith concert in Foxboro, Mass.

"Bono's plan requires breaking into the Social Security lockbox by fiscal year 2012," said Tyler, interrupting a verse of Aerosmith's smash hit "Jaded" to talk about Social Security. "My plan doesn't go anywhere near the lockbox."

Tyler delivered his own 1,312-page proposal to overhaul Social Security to Congress this morning, and while some in Washington welcomed the attention that the two rockers were bringing to the issue, others remained nonplused.

"Quite frankly, we were all better off when these guys were just trashing hotel rooms and flipping over vans," said one member of the House Ways and Means Committee.

© 2002 Newsweek, Inc.



I'm wide awake.....I'm not sleeping

[This message has been edited by daisybean (edited 03-28-2002).]

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Old 03-28-2002, 08:28 AM   #2
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Yeah that's funny and I know it's meant as a joke, but two things bug me- Bono is 10 years younger than Tyler, I hope they aren't calling them both 'old' LOL! Also, our guys never trashed hotel rooms or flipped over vans. Yes, okay, it's a joke, but some people who don't know about U2 might think he did that, and I don't want them to. Hopefully the writer was only using that to be funny and doens't really believe it. No, I do not need to lighten up and stop taking things so seriously. I already said it was funny, just wanted to point those two things out ok.
Old 03-28-2002, 01:33 PM   #3
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oohhh, you just have to see this clip I have of a Bono skit on the Jon Stewart show. It's just feckin' hilarious. I typed it out as best as I could remember it. Very satirical and quite funny...all in good fun.

Jon: Bono attends White House meeting on debt relief, the Edge attends State Department meeting on AIDS....It's alllll gonna be alright.

When BONO wanted to honor the Reverend Martin Luther King, he gave us PRIDE in the name of love. When BONO wanted to screwer the pomposity of corporate rock he gave us POPmart [quick flash of pelvic thrusts from Discotheque vid]. Now when BONO wants to urge the biggest nations in the world to forgive third world debt, he shows up at the White House wearing racket goggles! [quick clip of Bono at meeting]

Bono attended the White House meeting only after Don Henley drew the "school vouchers" straw.

[clip of Bono at a press conference]
Bono: And when Americans find out that the richer they get, the less they give...they start asking some questions. That's not what Americans want, I know enough about Americans to say that.

[/end of clip, pan back to Jon staring at the camera with a very "uh huh, suuuure" look in his eyes]

Jon: Right! He also knows enough about Americans to know that PEOPLE get around exclusively by private jet, Tshirts are only sold in stadium parking lots and the most popular form of greeting in America is "WOOO, BWAAAHNO!"

Bono is not the only musician to involve himself in politics. Sting is well known for his efforts to help the rainforest, while the Baha Men remained committed to efforts to discover WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

[Jon then is joined by "economic expert" Steven Colbert who goes through this very jargon-heavy discussion on 3rd world debt. Then they decide to break it down more simply]

Steven: Ok, you be the United States. I'll be a third world country...Surinam, Namibia...NO. Benin!

Jon: OK

Steven: Now, I need money to help raise my crops, educate my children, and build a hydroelectric damn on the Gambibulango River. So...give me twenty dollars.

Jon: (looking suspicious). Ummm...ok.

Steven: (takes bill and puts it in his pocket)

silence...Jon looks at Steven expectantly.

Steven: (holding his empty hands out) TADA!

Jon: I don't think I get it.

Steven: Alright, maybe I'm not explaining this right. Gimme another $20.

Jon: what? but I just gave you...

Steven: Give me another $20, Jon.

Jon: ok...but I still don't understand

(hands over another bill)

Steven: Thank you. This time, I absolutely, positively, promise you, promise you. I will pay you back.

Jon: When?

Steven: Never. I can never pay you back.

Jon: So debt relief means, I give you money and you never pay me back?

Steven: Almost. I'd also like you to forgive me.

Jon: Well I'm not going to do that.

Steven: Oh, that's what everyone says. But try not to forgive me now...
(leans down and comes back up wearing really big imitations of Bono glasses)

Steven: *singing into his clip on mike* Did I disappoint youuuuu...leave a bad taste in your mouth....

[audience joins in on key lines in the song]

Jon: So debt relief is I give you money, you never pay me back and Bono makes it all ok?

Steven: Yeah, pretty much.

Jon: How long has it been like this?

Steven: (thoughtfully) mm, since Rattle and Hum.

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Old 03-28-2002, 07:34 PM   #4
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These are great! Thanks Daisy! and Sula!

I wish I had seen this episode of the Daily Show! I love them there!

This is my favorite line of it all:

Jon: So debt relief is I give you money, you never pay me back and Bono makes it all ok?
Bono makes it all true!

Mirror mirror hanging in the sky, won't you look down to what's happening here below? I stand here singing to the flowers. So very few people really know. I dare a man to say I'm too young, for I'm going to try for the sun.

It's back. The fight. So is anyone giving way? It's just like in the beginning. The tears. Their eyes. Why isn't anyone giving way? It's just like in the beginning…

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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