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If you decide to have this baby you need to tell the father

He won't like to hear it and he may not want to have anything to do with you or the child but he deserves to know about it now rather than in 15 years time

Let him know that you don't want his help or his money and mean it

Love your self, love your baby and, as AngelaHarlem said earlier, make wise decisions

If you really listen to yourself you will find the answers (that sounds a bit trippy but its true . . . if you really listen the answers you need will be there)

take care :)
 
Galeongirl, When did I say that since I was a certain age it's a good reason to have a baby? I haven't even told the father yet so he has no feelings as of now and so it's not obvious "he don't want it".
And I have about ten more years of childbearing years so I'm NOT worried I'm not going to have another shot.
I know I'm going to make an excellent mother there's no doubt about that. I've helped my mom raise three of her children, and just the other day I was in a coffee shoppe with my sister, who is only 12, and she ordered an Italian soda and later I went up and ordered one too and the cashier said, "Is that your daughter? I just wanted to say she has the best manners I've seen in any kid! And I see she gets it from you!"
The only reason I'm debating this issue is because the father is married. I don't know if he wants the baby, if he loves me, or how he'll feel about having a baby with his mistress. I'm NOT worried about myself or how I'll look or how he'll look, I'm only worried about how this will affect my child in years' time. How will my daughter/son take the fact that his/her father was just using his mother for sex and was no real meaning to his/her father? How will my child be affected by not having a father at all?
I was raised without a father, my father was murdered by a serial psycho killer in 1984, and now I have 'abandonment issues' that make me have a deep fear of commitment, hence the relationship with a married man... so this is a vicious cycle.

Lawyer, good idea. I didn't even think of that... thanks. I already have one because I was hit in the head at a concert by the artist...

Come to think of it, I'm writing a book because my life is so entertaining and hard to believe, a lot of people think I'm making stuff up and embellishing, but once they meet my family and my close friends and hear their testimonies... it's all real. I've been through a lot of wild experiences in my life. I don't blame any of you thinking that only half of what I say is true. Don't worry I get that all the time. People never believe my story when they first meet me, and then somewhere along the line, they're like AH! Only you! Then they get it, they believe. I don't really have to prove myself though, here. I just have an issue that a lot of you are helping me see every perspective of it. Thanks for that.
 
Put the child up for adoption.

Since you are against abortion, and don't want to have the baby grow up without a father and having all these burdens on it, put the baby up for adoption.

If possible, go away for while so you could hide the pregnancy and quietly give it up.
 
first off both you and the father make me sick. you sleeping with a married man and he, a married man going out and cheating on his wife. although if everything you mentioned about your life is true then i'm not surprised you'd make such a stupid decision. i'm truly surprised you made it to 30 without killing yourself or worst yet another human being.

now, do you have the slightest clue off what it takes to raise a child? let alone doing it by yourself? there is no programs to help you correct your bad decisions. you fuck up and you fuck up your childs life. frankly you strike me as being to selfish(based on what you've told us so far), too selfish to be a good or effective parent. are you willing to give up the next 18 or more years off your life to the welfare and happiness of another human? think before you answer, look deep inside. can you go spend your time and money on someone other than yourself?

who knows, maybe you surprise us all and turn out to be a great parent, as single parent i sincerely hope you know what your doing.

good luck.
 
Absintheminded, I haven't really spoken to you before but from what I've read about you in this thread alone it's obvious that you've had a troubled life. I think you should have the baby and take this point in your life as a turning point in your life. My dad died whilst my mum was pregnant with me. Because both his family and her family dissaproved of their relationship she hasn't spoken to them after she phoned home to tell them that my dad had died, they didn't want to know. So not only was I brought up without a dad but the only family member I have ever known is my mum. I can understand what you said about your family because sometimes I feel total contempt for this idea that family will stick by you no matter what because in our case that wasn't true. I never had lots of money when I was growing up but I had a stable upbringing and my mum gave me as much as she could. You don't need his money, you can bring up this child by yourself. This guy seems to want all the rewards and the danger of having an affair but if you've been with him for 8 years and he still wants to stay with his wife it's obvious he is unwilling to take any responsibility. If his wife still wants to stay with him, that's up to her but you should move on and concentrate on just yourself and the baby.
 
Dump the guy, have your beautiful child and start a new life. The only decision thats a big one is whether or not you want the guy to know that he has another child.

Congratulations on the baby!
 
Cactus Annie said:
This guy seems to want all the rewards and the danger of having an affair but if you've been with him for 8 years and he still wants to stay with his wife it's obvious he is unwilling to take any responsibility. If his wife still wants to stay with him, that's up to her but you should move on and concentrate on just yourself and the baby.
Click to expand...

in case you haven't noticed, it takes 2 to tango. be unbiased in your blame. amazing how you say Mr. X is irresponsible, but wouldn't even dare to place any blame on "the outside woman" with a admitted dubious decision making history.
yes please let her raise a child. we need more screwed up idiots running around.
 
No no no, I know better. He won't leave his wife for me, EVER. I'm pretty sure he's messed around with other girls behind my back as well. I met him a long time ago and when we first starting dating, he told me that he didn't have a girlfriend, which was a frickin LIE! I just found out (two weeks ago) that he was still with his wife, (then girlfriend) when we first started dating! He lived a double life! One with her and one with me!

Kingofsorrow, I pity your naivete and your quest for a perfect world. I am not, despite your label, an idiot. Yes, I've been through a lot, and I've learned from it, therefore, I am NOT screwed up. I met a man that I believed was single and fell head over heels with him. I let my heart reign when my head should have been in control.
Our "friendship" never ended when he got engaged. It just continued and then we started being "intimate". I ended it. Twice.
For some stupid reason, I still loved him, and I would get butterflies and start shaking when he was near.
But the main reality is, four out of five married men cheat. It's a fact. There's even now a book on it because infidelity is now so common these days. It's stupidity to go into a marriage and expect your spouse not to cheat when and if given the chance.
I fully expect when I get married that my spouse will succumb to temptation. It's human nature. We are not swans, we do not mate for life.

CactusAnnie, your response was the most intelligent, well scripted one yet. I'm glad you're on here, and you're a great inspiration for all.
 
absintheminded said:
It's stupidity to go into a marriage and expect your spouse not to cheat when and if given the chance.
I fully expect when I get married that my spouse will succumb to temptation. It's human nature. We are not swans, we do not mate for life.
Click to expand...

:cute:

If you think that, why would you even contemplate marriage?
 
If you know he's not leaving his wife for you, why on earth have you been screwing around with him for EIGHT years? :huh:

Even stranger, why on earth does his wife still put up with that cheating bastard?
 
absintheminded said:
I was raised without a father, my father was murdered by a serial psycho killer in 1984, and now I have 'abandonment issues' that make me have a deep fear of commitment, hence the relationship with a married man... so this is a vicious cycle.
Click to expand...
Obviously you're smart enough to recognize your issues and where they stem from, and self-awareness is a huge key to overcoming those issues, so why don't you take it a step further and stop the cycle? Rather than writing a book, you should probably focus your energy on stopping the self-destructive behaviour, especially if you're going to go ahead and have your child.

absintheminded said:
But the main reality is, four out of five married men cheat. It's a fact. There's even now a book on it because infidelity is now so common these days.
Click to expand...
A fact based on what study? And yes, there may be a book or two written on the subject, or possibly thousands. Still, you don't have to go into any relationship with the expectation of infidelity. Sure, it's human nature to get bored with your mate and at least at SOME point find yourself attracted to another person, but that's where you put some effort into your relationship to maintain the ever-evolving situation. It's also human nature to want to smack the shit out of someone who hurts you, but maturity usually comes into play. Maturity, self-restraint, consideration for your partner.. all possible tools to draw from when you've made a concious choice not to go there.
 
Wow, this thread is a great read.

I don't think it's a terrible idea to have a child knowing you'll be a single parent. But you do have to realize that when you have a child, you really should put his/her needs above yours, which probably means not winding up in prison again (I only know about you what I've read in this thread). Parenting does require some sacrifice and anyone who tells you differently is lying. Make sure that you really really REALLY want this baby and are not just having it because you don't believe in abortion. Adoption is a loving, realistic and responsible option.

I don't think you have to tell him but you might want to and make it clear that you want nothing from him and have a lawyer draw up some papers to that effect so that the "Law and Order" thing doesn't happen.

Why the hell are you still sleeping with a married man whom you suspect of cheating on you as well (and rightly you should suspect)? That smacks of a lack of self-respect to me.

And having unprotected sex with a man who has multiple partners? You're LUCKY all you got was pregnant.



But yeah, I must say, best thread I've read in weeks.
 
zuropa_fit said:
And having unprotected sex with a man who has multiple partners? You're LUCKY all you got was pregnant.
Click to expand...
exactly. in this day and age i can't believe there's still so many people out there having unprotected sex if they're not in a committed relationship wanting to have a child. if that's not the case, then wrap it before you tap it. or use birth control pills. or an iud.

i'm not passing judgement on you or anything absintheminded, just speaking generally.
 
absintheminded said:
Kingofsorrow, I pity your naivete and your quest for a perfect world. I am not, despite your label, an idiot. Yes, I've been through a lot, and I've learned from it, therefore, I am NOT screwed up.
Click to expand...

where in my post did you see anything about a perfect world? learn how to read and understand what you read. why didn't you answer any of the questions i asked? you know why? you can't? if you truly learned at all from your mistakes yo wouldn't keep making them now would you? you wouldn't be knocked up by a married man. this my dear is the height of stupidity for any woman.

Our "friendship" never ended when he got engaged. It just continued and then we started being "intimate". I ended it. Twice.
For some stupid reason, I still loved him, and I would get butterflies and start shaking when he was near.
Click to expand...

you were used by this scum bag and you went willingly. now your child is going to pay the price of your "love".

But the main reality is, four out of five married men cheat. It's a fact. There's even now a book on it because infidelity is now so common these days.
Click to expand...

these men cheat because the weak women in their lives let them. their wives and their "outside women" don't have the fortitude or self respect necessary to say "enough is enough".

It's stupidity to go into a marriage and expect your spouse not to cheat when and if given the chance.
I fully expect when I get married that my spouse will succumb to temptation. It's human nature. We are not swans, we do not mate for life.
Click to expand...

bono said it best, " a liar won't believe anyone else". alot of despicable behavior can be ascribed to "human nature". does that make it right? no it doesn't.

i stand by my original statement. you and your lover are contemptable human dregs and i pity the child that will share the DNA as well as the influence of such flawed individuals.
 
right, leave this married guy and go find some other poor sucker to be a father to your kid.
 
kingofsorrow said:
where in my post did you see anything about a perfect world? learn how to read and understand what you read. why didn't you answer any of the questions i asked? you know why? you can't? if you truly learned at all from your mistakes yo wouldn't keep making them now would you? you wouldn't be knocked up by a married man. this my dear is the height of stupidity for any woman.



you were used by this scum bag and you went willingly. now your child is going to pay the price of your "love".



these men cheat because the weak women in their lives let them. their wives and their "outside women" don't have the fortitude or self respect necessary to say "enough is enough".



bono said it best, " a liar won't believe anyone else". alot of despicable behavior can be ascribed to "human nature". does that make it right? no it doesn't.

i stand by my original statement. you and your lover are contemptable human dregs and i pity the child that will share the DNA as well as the influence of such flawed individuals.
Click to expand...

You are right, I was used and went willingly, I still can't understand why I let myself. It was like he kept using up all his coupons and still somehow I managed to overlook his flaws. I have plenty of other good guys in my life. I just don't sit and pine for this married guy, and I'm not so sure that I love him after reading up on all this, I think I'm just fascinated by what I can't have. His wife knows he cheats on her, I know he cheats on us, and yes, we don't have the fortitude to say ENOUGH. But I don't think of this pregnancy as a mistake or proof that I'm a contemptable person, so I stand by my original statement as well. We are all flawed individuals, are we not?

I've made my decision recently. I'm not going to keep this child out of vengeance, or just because I don't believe in abortion. I'm getting an attorney to draw up papers that will keep the father out of our lives, physically and financially. I can afford to raise a child on my own. I won't let this scumbag near my precious offspring. And I'll learn from it and teach new values to my child. I want this child. I love it already and it's only a little bean. It's going to be a beautiful and smart child and I can't wait for my future endeavors and tribulations as a single mother.

I forgot to mention, my best friend was the product of a man and his mistress. He wanted to leave his wife for his mistress and the baby, but the mother refused. They substantially broke up and she raised the child all on her own and the girl never knew her father or her father's family and you know what she said to me? "As long as I knew I had a mother that was willing to endure the struggle that proved to me how much she wanted and loved me, I really didn't need a father."
But she is now successful and happy.
So don't go waving a flag around saying "Don't bring any more flawed individuals in this world."
People do make mistakes, but I'm willing to bet God never does. And I believe in God's view of perfection rather than that of society's.
 
maybe his wife wont leave him eventhough she knows cause he's a millionare and she knows she's set for life.

although, divorcing him and taking half his money would be nice too.
 
FYI, I never said that the sex was unprotected. :huh:

That is why the pregnancy was totally caught off guard and I did a T spin!
 
bigjohn2441 said:
maybe his wife wont leave him eventhough she knows cause he's a millionare and she knows she's set for life.

although, divorcing him and taking half his money would be nice too.
Click to expand...

You are totally right about that! I have a feeling that she's just with him for the money. Just last year he went on a trip to Australia for four weeks without her... what kind of wife would let their hubby go away all the time? Every time I talk to him he's either on a vacation or she's gone, I just don't get it.
 
absintheminded said:
I'm getting an attorney to draw up papers that will keep the father out of our lives, physically and financially.
Click to expand...

Wow you must live in some unique jurisdiction where such things are possible without even informing the father that he's in fact, a father. LOL.

I think this entire thread is BS, but to each his own.
 
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