Being treated like dirt.

[U2democrat]

I'm entering the 4th week of my 3rd year in college. The last two years I lived with the same roommate, who was always very nice, kind, and gentle. This summer, she dumped her boyfriend of 3 years and since has been a VERY different person. I can understand some of her changes, feeling a need for attention, self esteem boosts, etc. Fine. But for the last 4 weeks (we're not in the same room together but we're in the same unit together) she has been treating both me and her "best friend" who also lives with us like crap, while putting on a goody goody front to everyone else we live with.

She is rude to me, she is condescending and gives me attitude. She only comes to my room when she needs something from me, where as I have been nothing but nice and have attempted to socialize with her, but when I do she's almost always on her computer obviously paying more attention to friends online than to me.

She's also been doing this to her "best friend", who I have had several venting sessions with about her. Neither of us have done anything to deserve the treatment she is giving us, and there is only so much I can take before I snap back at her and the drama begins.

I'm not good at confronting people about these things, frankly I'm not courageous enough...and I know even if I were to say something to her she would probably act innocent.

It's just frustrating for me to have someone I have gotten along with so well in the past not just let me fall by the wayside, she's kicking me by the wayside and I have done nothing to deserve it...and it's only the beginning of the year.

 

[corianderstem]

That sucks.

Do you think it might some kind of cry for help?

 

[U2democrat]

It could be...I don't know.


Her away messages and facebook statuses are always about "My heart is smiling and giggling" or "I'm all smiles" and corny crap like that.

Sure, she's like that around her newer friends, but toward her best friend and myself its all snobby. A few other people have noticed it as well.

She's dealing with some serious self esteem issues since the breakup, but I don't understand why I have to be the victim.

 

[indra]

Tell her to quit being such a fucking bitch and then ignore her until and unless she stops. It will be good practice for the "real" world.

 

[U2democrat]

It's gotten to the point where I pretty much ignore her unless something is directed at me. She's acting very middle-schoolish and needs to be taught some sort of lesson.

 

[A_Wanderer]

Sounds like somebody needs a Man-Whore

 

[BVS]

I'm sorry, you deserve much better...

Hope things get better.

 

[redhotswami]

do i need to go down there and regulate?
sidenote: the location!

 

[Liesje]

Maybe she's being a snot to you guys b/c she thinks she can get away with it? Maybe she won't let her guard down in front of her newer friends.

I have a friend who has had a strange relationship with her bf for like 6 years now and when it got annoying, I just shut my door so she'd leave me alone.

 

[Bonochick]

I'm not good at confronting people about these things, frankly I'm not courageous enough...and I know even if I were to say something to her she would probably act innocent.

I understand, it can be hard sometimes. But if you don't confront her, your only other option is to just keep putting up with her and hope that she changes her behavior...which doesn't sound promising.

I would talk to her about it, tell her you've noticed that she has changed and how it makes you feel. If she gets mad or defensive or starts raising her voice or anything...just stay calm. If you both start getting riled up, nothing will be accomplished. If nothing changes, at least you made a mature attempt and kept a cool head.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I understand what it's like to be afraid to confront someone who you feel is mistreating you, but you have to do it for your own self worth. You have to live with her, so it's not as if you can avoid her and why endure such an unhappy situation? It's best to try to start that when you are as young as you are, or it only gets much tougher later in life. I would tend to agree that she's probably doing it to you because she feels she can get away with it, that's probably based upon what kind of person she perceives you to be.

 

[Kiki]

I'm sorry. I know that sucks big time.

I too, think it may be some kind of cry for help or even a wall that she's put up. Sort of like.....she was this one person for so long and maybe she really has no idea who to be with out her boyfriend since they had been together 3 years.

I don't think confrontation needs to be such a negative thing, maybe you and her "best friend" should sit her down and just say....look....we've noticed a change in you and we want to know if you're okay.

Then if she starts pulling away and acting all huffy about it just lay it all out there and tell her....you treat us differently and it's making us feel like crap.

See how she reacts to that before either of you break and end up snapping at her.

I'm sorry.

 

[Kiki]

Her away messages and facebook statuses are always about "My heart is smiling and giggling" or "I'm all smiles" and corny crap like that.

that sounds like a TOOOOOOOOTAL front that she's putting on. She's probably doing it for her ex boyfriend to see.
Truth is she may miss him like crazy and regret her desicion and she's trying to prove to him that she made the right desicion.

She needs to let go of that.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Im going to agree with Kiki that it seems like your friend is up putting up a front. Got that impression myself when I read what her away messages are.

You are a really sweet person and certainly don't deserve the treatment that you are receiving. It's hard confronting somebody I suck at it too. When Im extremely pissed off though I have no problem speaking up But other than that I tend to just take it. Just try to approach her and if she pushes you away then at least you know you tried! Maybe in time she will wake up and realize what a true bitch she is really being.

 

[Varitek]

I'm a senior and I had a similar experience (minus the bf as a catalyst) starting late sophomore year. I'm in a really tight knit group from our freshman year hall and one guy just sort of became a social climber and a total bitch - hanging out with people who are "cooler" on campus than us and snubbing us when he was around them, not even saying hi. It was really bad for about a year, and last spring one of our other frineds started acting just like him when she was around him. It is totally middle school, and it really pisses the rest of us off (but there are like 5 others of us to rant together). They've gotten better now, maybe because this is our last year together, but they still do stuff like when I was sitting with Social Climber original and Social Climber the influenced, the original asked the influenced "wanna get dinner in 20?" and she was like "yeah"...just the 3 of us were sitting there, no attempt to invite me or excuse not inviting me.

Oh well. College and middle school have so many similarities.

 

[Canadiens1131]

Tell her to quit being such a fucking bitch\

 

[MrPryck2U]

Get the bitch laid. That'll get her off your back.

 

[JanuaryStar]

It seems like she's not being herself. Like other people mentioned, she's putting up a front to hide something - pain, anger, frustrations, sadness over the break-up, whatever. She needs to realise though that she cannot act like this towards you and her other 'friends', and playing the innocent one in front of newer people. Although you said you find it hard to confront people with things, this girl really needs to be confronted with her behaviour. So I would sit down with her sometime when she's a bit more 'laid-back', and then just try to talk about how you feel about her treating you this way. You obviously don't deserve this, U2Dem, so good luck with everything, and I hope you can work it out

 

[U2democrat]

OK so we had gone awhile without an incident until tonight. I was in the living room watching TV with her "best friend" and she and I were just chatting. The other day I got a lot of music from her computer, and I was disappointed because the Traveling Wilburys album didn't work on my computer.

Then my roommate, who was just kind of there, in a snarky tone said "Why don't you just buy it? That would be the logical thing to do." Then she walked off.