Some Kind Advice Needed...

[ghetofabu]

THere are pros and cons to every situation. I could tell you what I would do but you need to make this decision on what YOU want and feel that you need. Can you live with the conquences? That is the only thing that I have to say. I don't know if it helps.

------------------
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

 

[V Nura]

Ok Time for me to chime in.


number one..the fact that you even considered cheating on your wife is disgusting. That woman promised to love and honor you. She never did anything wrong, as far as you've told us she's a great wife.


Bottom line...you shouldn't make your wife suffer for YOUR mistake. You have an obligation to your wife. You need to talk to her about this, and be honest. And try to work through it. And if that doesn't work well then maybe you two can mutually dissolve it. But walking in one day and saying " yeah, here are the papers" will not work.

You have to start thinking about someone besides yourself. Your obligation to your wife, takes precedence over any feelings you may have. This whole " i can't control my feelings" is a half truth. No you can't control how you feel, but you can control how you act. And just cos you are tempted by a woman, doesn't give you the right to throw your marriage out the window.


Be a man for god sakes, your not some adolescent. Own up to some responsibility for god sakes.


If you talk to your wife..and you can agree to work through this..then that's okay, and if you can't..that's fine too. But to leave your wife out of this process..is horrible.
Your in this marriage together, and just because you made the promise without your heart behind it, doens't mean that that promise is worthless. You obviously love your wife to some degree otherwise you wouldn't even bother . You'd have left her by now. You need to talk to your wife, and get into marriage counseling and at least try to work it out.


Doing what is right...is higher than any emotion that you feel.


Arun

 

[meegannie]

I agree with Arun V on this. The most important thing to do is to talk to your wife immediately.

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

This is really none of my business, but since you asked....

I strongly agree with foray and Crzy4Bono. They both said some wise things.

I've been married for 3 years. It took me forever to decide to get married. I went back and forth for about 2 years before I proposed (yes, wife is very, very patient woman). Finally, I realized something, that has been confirmed during our 3 years of marriage: Love is a choice. If you ask me, this talk of "true love" never fading is bull. People are annoying. People are selfish. You will never be on an emotional or physical high with someone forever. Sicy's right. People change. Situations change. But marriage is a choice to love someone, for better or for worse. Right now, it sounds like macphisotfly's situation is "for worse." That's rotten, man, and I really truly feel for you. But I believe you've made a commitment to put your wife's interests above your own. That's what love is. Not googly-eye lovey-dovey crap. Not that burning in your stomach, endorphin-enduced feeling of physical attraction. That stuff will come and go. I don't know you at all, and I know next to nothing about your situation, but I think it's safe to say that divorcing your wife at this point may or may not be the biggest mistake of your life (sleeping with Sam probably would be, I don't see how that would help the situation at all), but it would not be a "wonderous turning point." Don't fool yourself. Think of the pain it would cause your wife. That would not be wonderous.

My advice:
Step 1: Stay away from Sam. You yourself said you hate being in this situation. Do something about it, and avoid the temptation.

Step 2: Talk to a professional marriage counsellor about this. They'll give way better advice than me.

Hey, macphistofly, let me say that it's big of you to pose this question on an internet forum. You're obviously really struggling with this. That's good. There are guys who would not have such a hard time choosing to divorce their wife. I really feel for you and hope that this turns out well for you and your wife. I know I don't know you, and I know you may not want me to, but I'm gonna pray for you and your wife.

-Tim

 

[ghetofabu]

Originally posted by Arun V:
Bottom line...you shouldn't make your wife suffer for YOUR mistake. You have an obligation to your wife.

I got beef with this statement. Suffer? Do you think his wife would rather have him lie to her and not be in love with her for the next 20 or more years. And as far as his "obligation", I think that people have an obligation to be honest to themselves first and foremost. He did not enlist into the military. Life is pain and mistakes and getting hurt and hurting others. That is how we learn. If he leaves his wife and goes with the other women and it turns to sh!t and he regrets it for the rest of his life than that is his bad and he did that to himself and must come to terms with it. On the other hand that could be his soul mate. You just don't know, but you can not live your life based completely on if it will make other people feel bad. That is not living for yourself, and if you are not living for yourself than you a just wasting air and space.

------------------
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

[This message has been edited by ghetofabu (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[macphistofly]

Hey,
You guys have been so good to me in your own ways. I couldn't disagree with anyone here... Because we all have an opinion as to what marriage is all about. I for one was under the impression that the vows and the commitment and the knowing about temptation, these were all a part that the "head" was in charge of. My heart however is a totally different animal. My own father nearly destroyed my mother with all of his cheating (over a dozen times) I HAVE cheated on my wife in the metaphysical sense, yes this is true. However, I cannot shake the thought of Sam and perhaps that whole "Woman of my Dreams" thing put a lot of people off. But if it means anything at this point I would tell you that my wife IS a beautiful woman and that she is on the same level with Sam, this is not one of those trophy wife scenarios. I think that what it was about Sam at first WAS her looks, so I found reasons to dislike her and then when I got to know her I relaized that she and I are more "intellectually" compatible. We have less in common as far as hoobies are concerned, but we share an appreciation for fine art and literature and we are aggressive people when it comes to our goals. My wife is kind and good and loving and full of trust but not as complex intellectually. Am I shallow, perhaps. But I've done exactly what some of you have asked in the past (the whole not telling my wife, trying to re-discover my love for her thing) I am not asking for a quick fix, ultimately I decide. However, I am not one to jump to conclusuions, I just needed to hear how people who I wasn't particularly close to felt about the situation. I now know that the "WOMAN of MY DREAMS" thing may have been over the top, sorry. Sam and I have conversations and share ideas that my wife would never understand. Is that bad? No everyone is different. I simply feel that all of my initial stuffing of these emotions has escelated the situation, making it more difficult for my wife and I.But what kind of demons must a man have if he closes his eyes to kiss his wife and sees his "mistress"? I feel that supressing this and trying to work it out has gotten me to this point. I really respect those of you who aknowledge the fact that this is a difficult thing to expose and it is, I just want anyone who cares to know that I am taking as much time to decide as I can and I do not wish to go on like this any longer than I must. Nothing is BLACK and WHITE although the ideals of marriage are something I have long believed in, I cannot understand how it would be nobel or healthy for a man or woman to supress their strongest and most passionate feelings. Chivalrous? Yes. Healthy? I don't really think so. So do I forget about this and my wife goes on beliving that I never had a SERIOUS moment of doubt? If the tables were turned I would want honesty. If marriage is about happiness then I feel that HONESTY is essential. Should I have been more honest early on? ABSOLUTELY. But hindsight is 20/20, we all know that little cliche. My lies are all that are keeping my wife's happiness alive and my desperation from subsiding, I'm scared to death. I feel weak and strong all at once. Anyways, thank you all for your brutal honesty and beliefs. If my wife came to me and told me that she had met a man she could not live without or forget about I would say, "Go and Love him, if he is truly whom you desire." If he is not then she has followed her heart and knows the strength that it takes to do just that, as well as the pain. It would be painful, yes. But not as painful as subduing her happienss.

[This message has been edited by macphistofly (edited 05-08-2002).]

[This message has been edited by macphistofly (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[Hallelujah Here She Comes]

I agree with every word of Arun's post.

One thing to add: the decision to continue or end this marriage is NOT only yours. Doesn't your wife have the right to decide whether she wants to stay with a man who believes he's in love with someone else?

Of course, I don't know you at all, so I'm obviously not the best source of advice here. Talk to a professional about this. But, more importantly, talk to your wife.

 

[V Nura]

Originally posted by ghetofabu:
I got beef with this statement. Suffer? Do you think his wife would rather have him lie to her and not be in love with her for the next 20 or more years. And as far as his "obligation", I think that people have an obligation to be honest to themselves first and foremost. He did not enlist into the military. Life is pain and mistakes and getting hurt and hurting others. That is how we learn. If he leaves his wife and goes with the other women and it turns to sh!t and he regrets it for the rest of his life than that is his bad and he did that to himself and must come to terms with it. On the other hand that could be his soul mate. You just don't know, but you can not live your life based completely on if it will make other people feel bad. That is not living for yourself, and if you are not living for yourself than you a just wasting air and space.

Yeah...well I also said that he should resolve the issue WITH his wife..not independant of her.

and it doens't matter if they are soulmates...the promise of honoring his wife comes BEFORE honoring himself


[This message has been edited by Arun V (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[V Nura]

Originally posted by macphistofly:
If my wife came to me and told me that she had met a man she could not live without or forget about I would say, "Go and Love him, if he is truly whom you desire." If he is not then she has followed her heart and knows the strength that it takes to do just that, as well as the pain. It would be painful, yes. But not as painful as subduing her happienss.

That is truly the saddest argument in history

That's really easy to say when your in your position...but what if your with sam and she decides to do that. Then what?...your going to be noble about it?



[This message has been edited by Arun V (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

i totally agree with arun.

basically, as he said, husbands are supposed to honour their wives. wives are supposed to honour their husbands. basically, you honour each other. it works both ways, and if a person essentially promises to love someone for life, by marrying them, then if it seems a big bump in the road comes up, the couple should give it a hell of a shot before just giving up.

 

[pax]

number one..the fact that you even considered cheating on your wife is disgusting.

Arun, that's pretty harsh, don't you think? He hasn't *done* anything, to our knowledge. Everyone has doubts and confusions sometimes. Yes, it would be quite wrong if he went ahead and did it. But he's in a difficult position right now, and it sounds like he's beating himself up about his feelings enough.


------------------
Well, the God I believe in isn't short on cash, mister. --Bono

But a day will come
In this dawning age
When an honest man
Sees an honest wage.
--The Edge

 

[V Nura]

Originally posted by paxetaurora:
Arun, that's pretty harsh, don't you think? He hasn't *done* anything, to our knowledge. Everyone has doubts and confusions sometimes. Yes, it would be quite wrong if he went ahead and did it. But he's in a difficult position right now, and it sounds like he's beating himself up about his feelings enough.

Yeah it's harsh..but it's not a light topic. And this is not a fleeting thought, he has given it serious thought. If he really wants to do it...I hope he has the decency to get a divorce first. And as much as he is beating himself up..somehow I doubt it's enough if he still has the audacity to say that he'd thought about seeing whether she was pleasing enough to him to leave his wife for.

there is no "test drive" here

 

[cell]

reading this thread about how some would advise to "work things out" or "see a marriage counselor" or "make your marriage work" makes me kinda sick. some say marriage is forever. not in this day and age. i'm glad my ex decided to leave me and try to pursue another woman. i wouldn't have wanted him to stay with me just for the sake of marriage, making me feel second best, giving me that "its not your fault your a pain in the ass" look all the time.
the woman he tried to pursue dumped his ass and then he tried to come back to me. did i want him back? hell no! i refuse to be treated like that. marriage is no longer considered sacred anymore. yeah i think it works for some or whatever, but oh well...whatever.
mac do what you feel is best.

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you've got to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice..

 

[Sicy]

Right on nellie.

 

[diamond]

Vows are vows not flimsy suggestions to see if a marriage contract is a little expirement to see if things will sorta hopefully "work out".

If this were the case Bono would have been on the Love Connection already.

I gotta side w/the halfrockstar here.

Out-
diamond

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AIM= diamondbruno9

 

[Stories for Boys]

Originally posted by nellie:
reading this thread about how some would advise to "work things out" or "see a marriage counselor" or "make your marriage work" makes me kinda sick. some say marriage is forever. not in this day and age.

i know i don't have experience, especially in the marraige area, but that statement about this day and age makes me fear for the future of our planet. what is the world coming to? i mean, really?

 

[ABEL]

I believe in marriage, and that the vows of marriage are sacred. Everything should be done to try to save the marriage. Marriage should not be taken lightly. If after trying everything to save the marriage, there are still irreconcilable differences, only then should divorce be considered.

What ever happened to for better or worse? I just can?t believe the ?throw away? attitude of today?s society.

Originally posted by oliveu2cm
women/marriages are not cars- you can't test drive them and take it back if you don't like it while having the other on hold.

This is a tough situation. I definitely think you need to talk to your wife before you decide what to do, and consult with a marriage counselor. The only thing I can say Macphistofly, is to follow your heart and do what you think is best after talking with your wife. I hope everything works out for you.


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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by ABEL (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[diamond]

Originally posted by Stories for Boys:
i know i don't have experience, especially in the marraige area, but that statement about this day and age makes me fear for the future of our planet. what is the world coming to? i mean, really?

Exactly my point.
We live in a selfish age.
An age of self gratification.
Me first, YOU second.
The best advice is for MacFly's wife to tell him to get the fu*k out cuz he's a fraud,while she is not.

DB9

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AIM= diamondbruno9

 

[ghetofabu]

Originally posted by Arun V:
Yeah...well I also said that he should resolve the issue WITH his wife..not independant of her.

and it doens't matter if they are soulmates...the promise of honoring his wife comes BEFORE honoring himself

B]

I can see it now.....Hi honey I'm home I just wanted to let you know that I have just about always thought about this other woman even when I was making out the wedding invitations and before I even met you and I wanted to know if you could help me with this?

Come on now. Lets be realistic. I can see in a nicer world that would be great. Hell I would loooove to live in that world. Sign me up I would be on the next plane. The sad thing is that as emotionally dependant as his wife sounds she would take him back and how sad would that be. What the hell are vows if you did not even mean them in the first place, and in this day and age only about 50% mean it in the end because the is about the divorce rate now a days. Words mean nothing with out conviction.

------------------
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

 

[V Nura]

Originally posted by ghetofabu:
I can see it now.....Hi honey I'm home I just wanted to let you know that I have just about always thought about this other woman even when I was making out the wedding invitations and before I even met you and I wanted to know if you could help me with this?

Come on now. Lets be realistic. I can see in a nicer world that would be great. Hell I would loooove to live in that world. Sign me up I would be on the next plane. The sad thing is that as emotionally dependant as his wife sounds she would take him back and how sad would that be. What the hell are vows if you did not even mean them in the first place, and in this day and age only about 50% mean it in the end because the is about the divorce rate now a days. Words mean nothing with out conviction.

working through this with his wife..and just walking home and talking to her about it are different things..no one ever said this is going to be easy..the situation is difficult.

But I will tell you that not telling his wife one way or another is nothing but an act of cowardice

And what do vows mean???..they are VOWS...they are promises that you have to try live up to in any situation no matter how bleak..this is a process that can only be taken forward with the help of his wife.
If you can't live up to them...Dont' take them..he did take them and he has to try and reconcile his feelings with his obligations.

Mac..I'm not tryign to be adversarial about this..I'm advising you as I would a friend. But you have the oppurunity to start resolving this problem in the next few weeks....or it is going to get worse. And your wife loves you, and was willing to spend the rest of her life with you the LEAST you can do is try to surmount this obstacle with her help.


[This message has been edited by Arun V (edited 05-08-2002).]

 

[pax]

This guy has been married for two months and is having some confusing thoughts. Right? YES, of course he should be honest with his wife. And NO, he should not "experiment" with Sam, with or without his wife's knowledge. But some people here are being terribly judgmental of someone who, as far as we know, wants to be a good husband and hasn't cheated on his wife!

I *do* think that marriage is very holy, and that marriage vows ought to be taken seriously. But people are always going to be challenged by those vows. Diamond, for example, you've started calling names. Who here who is married or in a relationship has *never* had second thoughts?

::cricket noises::

I know that you're probably just trying to help, but some of you are getting pretty damn sanctimonious.

------------------
Well, the God I believe in isn't short on cash, mister. --Bono

But a day will come
In this dawning age
When an honest man
Sees an honest wage.
--The Edge

 

[She Is Raging]

Now this is defintely a situation I would never want to be in... but I HAVE in a sense been on the other side of things here.


About six years ago I was dating this man that I was friends with for years prior. It was kind of on and off since he was in the service - but I also knew that he was a "wanderer" in a sense and that he fell in love easily etc... but I didnt pay too much attention. We had at times talked about marriage - never TOO seriously, but it was something that we both thought was a possibilty for us down the road when he was done in the service and we were both a few years older. As time went by we decided to take things down a level and keep things casual. We both still had pretty strong feelings but the distance was an issue. So one night I'm at home and I get this phone call from him in the Bahamas telling me that he just got married!! He had met this woman that he just completely and totally fell in love with in a matter of two weeks- she was his "dream woman" and he couldnt help himself. Talk about a slap in the face, but at the same time - I was glad our relationship had never progressed. So I'm sure it comes as no surprise, a year later, they got divorced. This "perfect woman" turns out to be not quite so perfect. I started getting phone calls from him saying how he'd made a mistake etc...and he shouldnt have been so impulsive. He was wrong and let himself get too wrapped up in the thrill of the moment - rather than examining everything and figuring out what he really wanted in the long run. Basically told him that I would never be able to live with or trust someone that had acted/treated me like that with that kind of disregard, or that was that careless with my feelings for that matter. To this day I still have not spoken to him again, and I honestly dont think I ever would or could.

And this also does not mean that I dont believe in marriage or true love. Sure sometimes it seems unrealistic. you'll be dating someone a few months and after a while feelings start to cool down and you realize this person isnt the one for you. But then I look at people like my parents who have been married for 35 years and I know still love each other as much as ever after all this time. Even the relationship I've been in now, it's only been seven months but I love him to death, and everyday still feels like the first day I met him. I'm not saying that this is true love - but it's like nothing I've ever experienced before.


In other words... before you go doing anything - listen to all the great advice that people have given to you. I cant stress how sorry I feel for your wife - I hope that if it's possible she never finds out about any of this.. and that you continue to give this a great amt of though before doing anything either way. Just remember that what seems like the right thing right now, isnt necessarily so...good luck.

------------------

What in God's name have you done?
Stick your arm for some real fun...
Rest in peace Layne.

Get on board and have some fun -
Take What you need to turn you on...

 

[Angela Harlem]

Wow, What a horrible situation.
From an outsider's perspective it doesn't really sound like you are in love with this Sam. But I dont know you, I dont know your personal definition of love. Perhaps you are. What you sound to me, is mighty attracted to her. Her looks, her sharp mind, specific things about her that dont make a whole person. To be honest matie, you sound intellectually turned on, or physically attracted, either or both. Is it actually HER that you love? You may not be in love with your wife. You may have made a mistake there. But this Sam is a second issue. I'm probably way over the line here, and sorry. But what you describe with this other woman doesnt sound like the everlasting (or not necessarily forever), deep rooted absolute all out love you should be feeling for a person you trot down the aisle with. I think we use the term marriage, as I am, as simply a measure of the amount of love felt. You may not last with this one, you may leave and go to Sam, but may not last with her either who knows. Lets assume though that you can use marriage as a scale or a measure, do you love either of these women enough to undertake the marriage deal? Consider them seperately, as they are seperate problems you face I think.

You said something about your heart and head earlier. Your heart goes completely off feelings. If what this with Sam is all about whats coming rom your heart, I dont know if I necessarily agree thats what you should seek. I know love is all fo the heart blah blah. But your head is not telling you there is any sensible reason that Sam is the right one. You heart is all excited because her mind excites you, her body is all too appealing, her attitude make you swoon.

I dunno dude.

But please also remember, the honeymoon ends. What will Sam be like once you lose that heart fluttering sensation everytime you touch or see her? All relationships calm down. Our hearts cannot cope with the constant adrenalin you feel with Sam currently. She is the forbidden fruit, that is why you are still feeling it. She is untouchable, unchartered territory, and very very appealing. But one day that will be gone. Who will you be left with? Are you IN LOVE with the aspects of Sam that dont make you weak-knee'd? Because darl, if you aren't, you will be left with an empty loveless relationship when your honeymoon is over. And it will hurt.

 

[doctorwho]

Originally posted by nellie:
reading this thread about how some would advise to "work things out" or "see a marriage counselor" or "make your marriage work" makes me kinda sick. some say marriage is forever. not in this day and age. i'm glad my ex decided to leave me and try to pursue another woman. i wouldn't have wanted him to stay with me just for the sake of marriage,

When I read through these articles, I don't see anyone say, "make your marriage work." But I do hear people, like myself, recommend seeing a counselor - and that is a GOOD thing.

Maybe for you it wasn't. But if you were so easily able to accept your husband leaving for another woman, that also suggests that you were also ready to end the relationship.

However, in most cases, I do feel that least an *attempt* at saving the relationship should be made. For example, is MacFly lusting after Sam because this is his "soul mate" - or has he finally come to the realization that he can no longer sleep with other women? Sam represents the "forbidden fruit." Additionally, I think they both need to work out a few issues. Why is MacFly's wife so dependent on him? Why is he so willing to run to another woman? He needs to work out his issues of guilt and confusion. Only a counselor can do this.

Therefore, to just say, "eh, get a divorce then bang away" is just as ignorant as saying "make your marriage work." At least an attempt should be made to save it. THEN, if things still aren't working, I fully agree that the marriage should end. Some peoople aren't meant to be married, and some marriages aren't meant to be. But all marriages will face road bumps, including attractions to other people. To end a marriage just because he has an attraction to a coworker is rather extreme.

 

[V Nura]

Originally posted by paxetaurora:
This guy has been married for two months and is having some confusing thoughts. Right? YES, of course he should be honest with his wife. And NO, he should not "experiment" with Sam, with or without his wife's knowledge. But some people here are being terribly judgmental of someone who, as far as we know, wants to be a good husband and hasn't cheated on his wife!

I *do* think that marriage is very holy, and that marriage vows ought to be taken seriously. But people are always going to be challenged by those vows. Diamond, for example, you've started calling names. Who here who is married or in a relationship has *never* had second thoughts?

::cricket noises::

I know that you're probably just trying to help, but some of you are getting pretty damn sanctimonious.

you don't have to be a saint to tell someone to do the right thing


and you dont' have to be a sinner to do something horrible

 

[zooropamanda]

Ive read this thread so many times and haven't been able to reply. But now I just feel really sad for Mac.
Some of you are being very harsh and talking about things that he hasn't even done, and to be honest, none of you have the right to judge him on. Aren't some of you that are judging so harshly actually divorced yourselves?
He came here for help and advice, not to be told he was a fraud. For goodness sake.Pax is 100% right.

Mac, I can understand how this must be a terrible thing for you to be going through. I won't offer you any advice because I've never been married, and I think you've got advice coming out of every pore via this thread.
I really feel for you though, and I hope you come to a decision that will be honest and right for all three people involved.
Good luck to you.

 

[ghetofabu]

Originally posted by Arun V:

working through this with his wife..and just walking home and talking to her about it are different things..no one ever said this is going to be easy..the situation is difficult.

But I will tell you that not telling his wife one way or another is nothing but an act of cowardice

And what do vows mean???..they are VOWS...they are promises that you have to try live up to in any situation no matter how bleak..this is a process that can only be taken forward with the help of his wife.
If you can't live up to them...Dont' take them..he did take them and he has to try and reconcile his feelings with his obligations.

Mac..I'm not tryign to be adversarial about this..I'm advising you as I would a friend. But you have the oppurunity to start resolving this problem in the next few weeks....or it is going to get worse. And your wife loves you, and was willing to spend the rest of her life with you the LEAST you can do is try to surmount this obstacle with her help.


[This message has been edited by Arun V (edited 05-08-2002).]

You do have some good points. I do agree about the cowardice part. But I can't really agree with you about the Vows issue. I think I said my say and thank you Arun for your point of view. I like to see to opposite side of things.

------------------
When life hands you a lemon, say "Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else you got?" --Henry Rollins

 

[V Nura]

Originally posted by zooropamanda:
Ive read this thread so many times and haven't been able to reply. But now I just feel really sad for Mac.
Some of you are being very harsh and talking about things that he hasn't even done, and to be honest, none of you have the right to judge him on. Aren't some of you that are judging so harshly actually divorced yourselves?
He came here for help and advice, not to be told he was a fraud. For goodness sake.Pax is 100% right.

Mac, I can understand how this must be a terrible thing for you to be going through. I won't offer you any advice because I've never been married, and I think you've got advice coming out of every pore via this thread.
I really feel for you though, and I hope you come to a decision that will be honest and right for all three people involved.
Good luck to you.

well...it is harsh..it's a harsh situation. and even though he hasn't done anything...we do have to make it clear that the serious consideration of it..is not a good thing.

 

[UV2001]

I'm not being cruel by saying this so please don't take it that I am but you say you have been married 2 months and that you have been in love with someone else for 1 year so why did you get married?
I haven't read all of what you said yet just that was the first thing that hit me about your situation.

 

[diamond]

Manda
and
Pax-
Let me explain.

I dont think you gals have been married.
I am also 20 yrs older than Manda I know.
I had been married for 8 yrs.
Marraige believe it or not is a 'contract'.
In taking out this contract/agreement publicly you VOW to keep your end of this 'contract'.
If you refused to perform in a agreement/contract, what does that make you?

Secondly,
Call it tough love, this is how guys talk to guys.
We dont parse our words too much.

Lastly
-Mac reminds me of a 'male-version' of my Ex.
I was the one who got burnt and used, so this thread gets a reaction.

The saddest thing is he has to come here for advice, from strangers, and can't communicate w/his spouse, who should be his best friend.

DB9




[This message has been edited by diamond (edited 05-09-2002).]