I’ve debated for some time now on how or even whether to post this, but I don’t see that I have any other outlet, and I’d very much appreciate any input anyone may have on this. It concerns Christianity, something I’ve always felt distanced from. Without revealing specifics, I’ll try to put as much information as I can. The reason I need to stay personal about things is because the person who has brought me to this crossroads in my life is an intensely private person – think somebody like Larry Mullen Jr. This makes it difficult for me to have a springboard, but I deeply respect him and I don’t want to betray his confidence in me. So I’m posting under an alias. It’s odd that I could do something so incredibly personal in front of thousands of people, but that’s the modern age for you.
This person (I’ll call him Peter) has had a really big influence in my life over the past few months, and recently revealed to me that he is a Christian. Now, when I say really big influence, I mean, he’s been helping me through something that I didn’t think I’d ever get through. I’m still working through my ordeal (trust me when I say it’s something absolutely huge and seemingly insurmountable), but the amazing thing is, I’ve been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in my life. And I completely credit him with helping me find that light. When he told me that he’s a Christian and has been praying for me, I was honestly bewildered. My first thought was, “Oh Peter, God never really paid much attention to me. Please – if you’re going to pray, pray for the people of Darfur, not for me. It won’t work for me, because I’m a hopeless case, but maybe it will for Darfur.” But then, I realized, his prayers were working for me, because I’m getting better. And I was humbled. And now the more we work together on my personal situation, the more I feel his love. I’m not talking about a physical attraction either. It’s his love of God. And the closer I am to being in that light that I see at the end of the tunnel.
I say I’ve always felt distanced from Christianity because I was not brought up in a religious household, so I have no foundation to start from. And as I got older it just wasn’t a priority in my life, and then I started to go through a lot of confusion and then ended up with a lot of hostility towards faith, mostly as a result of this ordeal I’ve been working on recently.
I suppose it would be okay to give a detail about myself, since I am posting under an alias anyway. I went through some pretty horrific child abuse and am now trying to cope with it as an adult. This is what Peter’s been helping me through. He’s not a psychologist or anything like that either, so it's not like he's violating any professional ethics by telling me something so personal about himself.
Anyway, my hostility stems from a deep anger with God – where was he when I was going through this? Why wasn’t I worthy enough to have been rescued? Why did I have to waste over 25 years of my life in a terrible depression and have suicidal urges? I feel like those years were stolen from me, and that my life is now beginning, and I have to be a child, a teenager, and a productive member of society all at the same time.
But suddenly, I’ve realized the specifics don’t even matter anymore. I asked Peter for some more information on his faith and he gave me one of those little Bible quick lesson things, which I kind of laughed at when I saw it, because things like that are things I used to go trolling through looking for flawed logic and Pollyanna-esque reasoning. But, as I said, I deeply respect Peter, so I sat down and read it. And I ended up doing what I usually do – looking for flawed logic. Then the air got really dry (probably because I was sitting close to an electric heater) and I closed my eyes for a few seconds. And I realized there’s just no denying the feeling that I have, the feeling he’s given me through his love of God. And I’m simply amazed that his love can be stronger than what I’ve endured. And when I let this feeling in, I just plain feel better - better than I've ever felt before - better than I could ever imagine. It’s like my spiritual senses have been awakened from a very long and deep sleep – and I don’t let all of the “Why me’s?” creep into my head. I then started looking through the literature he gave me and for the first time, I wanted to find things that were right with it rather than tear it apart and declare it as just a fairy tale or just plain nonsense. And I have to admit, I’m finding things that are right about it, that apply to me.
I truly feel as if I’m ready to make a leap of faith and I’m seeking guidance from anyone who is willing to offer it, Christian or not. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.
This person (I’ll call him Peter) has had a really big influence in my life over the past few months, and recently revealed to me that he is a Christian. Now, when I say really big influence, I mean, he’s been helping me through something that I didn’t think I’d ever get through. I’m still working through my ordeal (trust me when I say it’s something absolutely huge and seemingly insurmountable), but the amazing thing is, I’ve been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in my life. And I completely credit him with helping me find that light. When he told me that he’s a Christian and has been praying for me, I was honestly bewildered. My first thought was, “Oh Peter, God never really paid much attention to me. Please – if you’re going to pray, pray for the people of Darfur, not for me. It won’t work for me, because I’m a hopeless case, but maybe it will for Darfur.” But then, I realized, his prayers were working for me, because I’m getting better. And I was humbled. And now the more we work together on my personal situation, the more I feel his love. I’m not talking about a physical attraction either. It’s his love of God. And the closer I am to being in that light that I see at the end of the tunnel.
I say I’ve always felt distanced from Christianity because I was not brought up in a religious household, so I have no foundation to start from. And as I got older it just wasn’t a priority in my life, and then I started to go through a lot of confusion and then ended up with a lot of hostility towards faith, mostly as a result of this ordeal I’ve been working on recently.
I suppose it would be okay to give a detail about myself, since I am posting under an alias anyway. I went through some pretty horrific child abuse and am now trying to cope with it as an adult. This is what Peter’s been helping me through. He’s not a psychologist or anything like that either, so it's not like he's violating any professional ethics by telling me something so personal about himself.
Anyway, my hostility stems from a deep anger with God – where was he when I was going through this? Why wasn’t I worthy enough to have been rescued? Why did I have to waste over 25 years of my life in a terrible depression and have suicidal urges? I feel like those years were stolen from me, and that my life is now beginning, and I have to be a child, a teenager, and a productive member of society all at the same time.
But suddenly, I’ve realized the specifics don’t even matter anymore. I asked Peter for some more information on his faith and he gave me one of those little Bible quick lesson things, which I kind of laughed at when I saw it, because things like that are things I used to go trolling through looking for flawed logic and Pollyanna-esque reasoning. But, as I said, I deeply respect Peter, so I sat down and read it. And I ended up doing what I usually do – looking for flawed logic. Then the air got really dry (probably because I was sitting close to an electric heater) and I closed my eyes for a few seconds. And I realized there’s just no denying the feeling that I have, the feeling he’s given me through his love of God. And I’m simply amazed that his love can be stronger than what I’ve endured. And when I let this feeling in, I just plain feel better - better than I've ever felt before - better than I could ever imagine. It’s like my spiritual senses have been awakened from a very long and deep sleep – and I don’t let all of the “Why me’s?” creep into my head. I then started looking through the literature he gave me and for the first time, I wanted to find things that were right with it rather than tear it apart and declare it as just a fairy tale or just plain nonsense. And I have to admit, I’m finding things that are right about it, that apply to me.
I truly feel as if I’m ready to make a leap of faith and I’m seeking guidance from anyone who is willing to offer it, Christian or not. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.
I was raised in a Christian home (I'm 18), but I've gone through many horrible experiences myself. With the foundation of faith I've had, I've been able to grow and make a decision for Jesus myself, and I've determined that He is always there no matter what, and that He alone has saved me. As many posters have stated, God gives us Free Will. Sadly, too many people abuse it. However, imagine what the world would be like if we were all like puppets on a string that mindlessly followed Him. That wouldn't be good either! The Bible says that "God Is Love". He wants us to love Him in return out of our own decision, not because we're forced to! I hope God continues to speak to you, and will lead you into a relationship with Jesus on His time if He hasn't already. Please, surround yourself with Godly people who are not pious and self-righteous; people who know that Salvation comes from the Grace of God alone, and not through anything we can do on our own. John, Psalms, etc. are a great place to start studying your Bible! By the way, I want to let you know how much U2's music has helped me grow in my faith throug the way they live their lives and through their music. I recall Bono saying in an interview after the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington D.C. last Feb. that all U2 songs "proclaim Christ" however, as Edge has stated it's not blatant for those who choose not to see the message which I love!. If I may be so bold, may I suggest you order a book called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning from Amazon when you get a chance. It's changed my life like no other book besides The Bible. If you have any more questions, or would just like to talk some more, please e-mail me at 
I literally could not agree more! There is not a doubt in my mind that God has called, brought, and sustained Bono, Edge, Adam, and Larry to the place they are now as witnesses for Him that break our pious Christian mold of what a Believer is.
