Macfistowannabe said:
So tell me about it. All you've said is that it matters. Now tell me why without personalizing my posts.
okay, let me tell you a story.
my best friend is south asian indian. we have been friends since 8th grade, and we are deeply emotionally intimate with each other. we've gone to the movies, and when i pay for my ticket and she pays for her ticket and the teller looks at us funny, as if to say, "why won't you buy your girlfriend a ticket," my response is, "oh, we're brother and sister." that gets a funny reaction.
anyway, the only time things get prickly is when we talk about race. i never, ever think of her race. i barely notice it; it's cosmetic to me. i can see it a bit more with her parents, since they do have accents and their house does have hindu religious artifacts all around. but, to my mind, whatever. it really makes no difference, and it is just one piece in the larger narrative in which i understand (and love) her as a person.
while i can forget that she's south asian, she never does. she is always completely aware that she is just a bit different, and i'm sure growing up in a vastly white suburb like we did exacerbated this. she says she's aware that she's indian every day, all the time, and in a million-and-one subtle ways that no mainstream white person would ever think of. it's the little things -- i remember while she was gushing about how good "the english patient" was, she mentioned, "not only was there an indian character, but he got to have sex!!!! that *never* happens in movies!!!"
essentially, when you are a minority in any way, you are reminded of this in all aspects of culture. to some, this becomes a source of strength; a way to individualize yourself and distinguish yourself from what you might perceive as a misguided mainstream. but not everyone's that strong, particularly when you're young and a teenager. indirectly, this contributed, i think, to a small battle with an eating disorder when she was a freshman in college; and, to this day, she is extremely aware of her looks -- thus, she looks *terrific* and her taste is impeccable.
for myself, being a sexual minority, i am always, always aware that i'm different whenever i'm amongst heterosexuals and there are discussions of dating, sex, romance, etc. and these somewhat anxious feelings arise even when i'm with people who know and love me and are supportive and would never, ever even think of treating me differently (much the way i never really think about my best friend's race). it doesn't matter that they are 100% comfortable with my having a boyfriend (and in fact, they often love going out with us to restaurants, since it's hip for straight couples to have gay couple friends); i am never 100% comfortable with my sexuality in the presence of all heterosexuals. weddings make me both anxious and depressed, no matter how happy i might be for my friends. this is something that i cannot do, a gift i cannot give my parents, a ritual in which i cannot participate, and ultimately no one is going to *really* understand except for another gay person. it's simply a fact that differences matter, because on a macro level, society treats you differently because of such differences.
the idea of a colorblind society strikes me as naive, and also sublty racist. being colorblind is a luxury only *you* can afford because you, as a white person, can walk through the day and never once think of your race. those of us who have to live with a major social difference -- race, ethnicity, religious, sexual -- are keenly aware of this. it's not that you, the individual, have done something wrong, or something intentional; it's that the structure of society is aligned, at all levels, to reflect and reinforce the values of the majority.
also, think about it -- there would be no white people if there were no black people; there would be no heterosexuals without homoseuxals. the very definitions and self-understanding of the mainstream norm is predicated upon the maintenance of social differences and distinctions with a minority.
