One of those "I'm freakin out all my friends are getting married" threads...

[U2democrat]

One of those "I'm freakin out all my friends are getting married" threads...

Here I am 20, a happy swingin' single college girl and this summer alone 3 of my friends (each younger than me but only by a few months) are getting married, many more are engaged.

My friends are settling down so young and I feel like I'm just getting started! I need time to test the waters...live my life and have fun before I feel any desire to find a "mate" and settle down.

It's just kind of weird because I don't feel like I'm anywhere near full maturity and adulthood while people around me are getting expensive rocks and apartments together.

I don't feel any pressure...it's just kind of wigging me out to see my friends getting married...it's just weird to think that I'm getting to the age where people commonly do that sort of thing

 

[Bonochick]

I'm 25, and 5 of my close friends from high school are as follows:

1. Got married...got divorced.
2. Got married.
3. Got married.
4. Has a baby.
5. Got married and has a baby.

That kind of makes me feel like I haven't grown up yet. Granted, I'm not single...I live with my boyfriend...but we don't want kids, and he never wants to get married. Therefore, if we stick together, this is as far as we are going. I'm happy though, that's all that matters. People do things differently, and there's nothing wrong with that. You know what you want, just stick to your guns and don't let others influence you. I understand exactly how you are feeling though.

 

[Got Philk?]

I'm 25 too but I'm married. Kids however, I'll just stick to cats and dogs...

And in all this, I too feel like I haven't grown up.

 

[LemonMelon]

You won't feel so bad about this a year or two from now, believe me.

 

[Liesje]

Wow, I thought I got married young (22, was done with school...REFUSED to get married while in school). Four of my best friends are single or have a boyfriend and a fifth is married w/ 2 kids but she is 10 years older than me (not that she is old...just sayin though it's not weird for her to have 2 kids like it would be weird for someone my age).

If I may offer some advice, don't get engaged or married while in school (undergrad). IMO, you learn more important lessons about yourself than academics while in college and if you get engaged right away, you cut that short. You commit 100% to someone else before experiencing your own personal growth. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Lila64]

Take it from an older person. There is NO RUSH. Getting married so young, to me, is just stupid. You are still trying to find out who you are and what you want in life. You can't go from living with mommy & daddy to moving in with a significant other. Wait. I kinda did that. But we lived together for 5+ years before we got married. Still, you need to explore. DON'T wig out!

And what Lies said

 

[U2democrat]

I want to explore...I have NO desire to settle so young.


Granted, 2 of my friends that have been married this summer are marrying military men due to be shipped off to Iraq, so that's a little different. But still, to live out your college years as a married woman...no thanks!

 

[Lila64]

You are very wise Laura. Very wise

 

[U2democrat]

Thanks.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

People are getting married that young I'm sure a few people that age might be ready for it, but in my personal opinion that is waaaaay too young. In my view people that age have a completely unrealistic image of what marriage is, in general-there can always be exceptions to any generality.

I learned a long time ago that comparing yourself to anyone and living according to anyone's expectations and/or society's is a miserable way in which to live-and that true bliss is realizing that and accepting that your life choices are yours and just that alone makes them worthy. You are way too young to not just live and experience and not care about any of that Growing up isn't getting married and having babies, I know plenty of people who have done both but still haven't grown up in the ways that I define that.

 

[annie_vox]

A great friend of mine got married last month (she's 21). It was a shock for me (not because I'm jealous...). She's not studying but still I think it was too soon... And she is a very unstable person... Anyway I really hope it works out because she suffered a lot in the past.
As for me... I have no intentions to get married anytime soon! I don't even know if I want to get married because I have no good refferences (yeah I think I don't have faith in marriages). Plus, I think when you get married you fall into a routine sooner or later and you think of the other person as a guarantee, and that messes a lot with my head... Maybe I'll change my opinion... I hope so...

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Don't feel too freaked out, Laura. Stay single for as long as you possible can, trust me.

Ok, it's not all a bed of roses everyday, but it sure as hell beats having a couple of kids and a shitty marriage when you haven't even had a chance to really live yet.

Just my opinion, fyi - hope no one here takes offense. I'm sure there are people who married young who are and will continue to be very happy.

 

[lynnok]

I have friends that are getting married now too. I think some are because they aren't happy with themselves and believe that somebody else will make them happy.

 

[U2Girl416]

it seems like a lot of people I know waited to get married. a friend got married in May, and she's 28. another friend 27, is getting married next month. and I'll be 28 by the time I'm married next year. I kinda feel like I'm not the norm though, like everyone else did get married after college, or early 20s. I won't start having kids until I'm at least 30.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

I remember being in your same situation. One of my best friends got married when we were about 20ish. I stayed single. After college, I travelled all around Europe (on multiple occasions), lived in Switzerland, jetted around to U2 concerts, and did a stint in the Peace Corps, where I learned two new languages, met presidents and rock stars and went to Timbuktu. She had four babies. When we catch up and she tells me how "lucky" I am to travel (as if planning didn't have anything to do with it...travel just falls into your lap apparently), I have to admit (although I never say it to her face) that I wouldn't trade. lol.

Enjoy your freedom. Live your life. There's plenty of time for all that other stuff later.

 

[AtomicBono]

Yeah I'm 18 and my friend is engaged...gonna get married next year...it's crazy. I wish them the best of luck of course but it seems so soon. If I ever get married I expect it will be after college (undergrad at least). The idea of being married during college just seems really strange to me.

 

[Lemonchick]

Engaged at 18?! that's crazy! I'm 18! I've never even had a boyfriend and I still feel like such a kid sometimes.

Wow.

I know I won't be one to marry young either. There are just so many things I want to do and I honestly can't see myself settling in my early 20's.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Marrying young doesn't have to be a bad thing, though. Mr. Blu & I were both 21 when we got married. We'd been a couple for 3 years by then & there was no doubt in our minds that there was no one else in the entire world for either of us. We were careful about birth control so we didn't get extra responsibility thrown on us before we were ready for it (which is ironic, because as it turns out, I'm unable to carry a child - but that's besides the point ) and we went into the marriage knowing there were going to be difficulties and disagreements that came our way.

That's probably the biggest difference between us and some other couples who get married young - we cared more about 'us' than we cared about ourselves individually. I don't know, maybe we're just ridiculously lucky. Regardless, marriage gets a bad rap that it doesn't deserve a lot of times. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

 

[redhotswami]

Re: One of those "I'm freakin out all my friends are getting married" threads...

Here I am 20, a happy swingin' single college girl and this summer alone 3 of my friends (each younger than me but only by a few months) are getting married, many more are engaged.

My friends are settling down so young and I feel like I'm just getting started! I need time to test the waters...live my life and have fun before I feel any desire to find a "mate" and settle down.

It's just kind of weird because I don't feel like I'm anywhere near full maturity and adulthood while people around me are getting expensive rocks and apartments together.

I don't feel any pressure...it's just kind of wigging me out to see my friends getting married...it's just weird to think that I'm getting to the age where people commonly do that sort of thing

Hey don't sweat it. I'm your friend, older than you, and will never marry. So it's all good!! No pressure comin from me BTW your sig!

 

[Diemen]

I got a letter in the mail last week about my 10 year high school reunion. On the RSVP form, there was no option for single/married. It stated:

Spouse's Name:

Children's Names:











I'm not going.

 

[A_Wanderer]

Ah the advantages of being a man, prospects increase into middle age

Marry at twenty, regret it at twenty five, no thanks.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Im 28 and by the time I get married I will probably be about 30 or close to it. Don't even want to think of what age I will be when I start having kid's

Only a few of my friend's are married or even engaged. Know a couple married in their early 20's. Well one got married while we were still in high school. She was 17 at the time and was married up until last summer. Was only a couple of years ago when she had her first child.

I think you are being very smart Laura about enjoying life before settling down. There is so much out there to see and do!

 

[cobl04]

There are kids at my school who are 16 and they are engaged the morons

 

[BonosBaby12]

There are kids at my school who are 16 and they are engaged the morons

Geez at 16 I was only concerned about my license. The idea of marriage never entered my mind!

 

[joerags]

I'm 34 and single. In fact, I don't think I will ever get married. I feel ashamed about that, but I don't want to feel ashamed about that.

Why does society make people feel pressured about getting married, especially if you are in your late 20s, 30s, 40s, etc..?? It's worse if you are older, because the older you get, the harder it gets to get married, IMO. When you get older and if you are still single, you come across as being desperate to find somebody to get married, IMO. That's how I am feeling. I can't ask women out because, No. 1, I am ugly, and No. 2, I will come across as a desperate person looking to find somebody to marry right away since I am getting older.
Just last week, I was at a family party and I felt ashamed to see my relatives because I am still single. It sucks.
I wish I can just thumb my nose at society and say marriage isn't for everybody.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Wow. I can't imagine myself being married and still in college. Even then, there was no way that was going to happen. I wasn't that stupid. At 20, I still had a lot of growing up to do. My friend got married when she was 20. She couldn't even drink at her own wedding. ( the reception hall would not serve her) She and her husband were separated on their one year anniversary. (no surprise to anyone)

Seriously Laura, it's nothing for you to freak out about. Let the brides freak out.

 

[Liesje]

Marrying young doesn't have to be a bad thing, though. Mr. Blu & I were both 21 when we got married. We'd been a couple for 3 years by then & there was no doubt in our minds that there was no one else in the entire world for either of us. We were careful about birth control so we didn't get extra responsibility thrown on us before we were ready for it (which is ironic, because as it turns out, I'm unable to carry a child - but that's besides the point ) and we went into the marriage knowing there were going to be difficulties and disagreements that came our way.

That's probably the biggest difference between us and some other couples who get married young - we cared more about 'us' than we cared about ourselves individually. I don't know, maybe we're just ridiculously lucky. Regardless, marriage gets a bad rap that it doesn't deserve a lot of times. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I agree and I do have friends that got married while we were in school and still together. However, I don't think that you have anything to loose by waiting. If I had not explicitly stated to Phil that I was absolutely 100% NOT interested in getting married during school, I'm sure he would have proposed earlier. Instead I made it clear that school was school and marriage was marriage. Our relationship did NOT suffer in anyway and I would argue was better because of it. Looking back, I think I may have gone insane if I hadn't made that choice and did get married while still in college. I made him wait (he was grades ahead of me) and honestly I still consider 22 a young age for marriage, but I'm a year younger than most people in my class, younger than a lot of people in the class below me, so I didn't base my decision on age, just on how mature I expected to be given how far along I was with school.

I supposed it all depends on the person though b/c I'm not a "find yourself in someone else" kind of girl. If I'm not OK with myself, I don't see how I can be OK in a committed relationship. I also expect my partner to have a strong sense of self-worth and self-respect and have some sort of direction and life goals regardless of the relationship. Honestly, I don't think I was ever meant to be in a committed relationship so I'm lucky to have found someone that respects my independence, stubbornness, and strong will.

 

[U2democrat]

Frankly I don't see myself getting married until I'm 30. I have NO desire to have kids...I think the maternal genes all went to my big sister and none to me It's fine if other people have kids of course, they just ain't my thing.

 

[MaxFisher]

I'm 34 and single. In fact, I don't think I will ever get married. I feel ashamed about that, but I don't want to feel ashamed about that.

Why does society make people feel pressured about getting married, especially if you are in your late 20s, 30s, 40s, etc..?? It's worse if you are older, because the older you get, the harder it gets to get married, IMO. When you get older and if you are still single, you come across as being desperate to find somebody to get married, IMO. That's how I am feeling. I can't ask women out because, No. 1, I am ugly, and No. 2, I will come across as a desperate person looking to find somebody to marry right away since I am getting older.
Just last week, I was at a family party and I felt ashamed to see my relatives because I am still single. It sucks.
I wish I can just thumb my nose at society and say marriage isn't for everybody.

don't give up...you could meet someone tomorrow. And don't feel ashamed. It's easy to feel bad about it but in reality being single is not an indication of low personal worth.

 

[anitram]

I can't imagine having gotten married at 20. Totally foreign concept to me. I think it works for some people and definitely in some cultures it's more common, but nowadays, at least within my group of friends, nobody got married that early.

I was able to live a certain lifestyle because I was single. I have no doubt that I wouldn't have seen even half the world I've seen had I been married earlier and I probably would have made very different decisions about my life. I was able to travel a lot, accept jobs I wanted and go away to school without consideration for other people and their wishes. I've not had to compromise and I really feel that I've made 100% the right decisions for myself and am very grateful for that. I am now going through the process of applying to law firms for a job and it's a lot less stressful for me than for people who are tied to a certain city or area because of a husband/wife/kids. I have no doubt they are grateful to have families, but equally I'm grateful that I'll be able to decide for myself, based only on what I want. Sometimes selfishness pays off.