MsMofoGone
Blue Crack Addict
I was very upset the other day as my best friend, who I've known since my childhood, just told me she believes her husband of 20 yrs is cheating on her. I was flabbergasted ... I didn't know what to say at first. I know him and he just doesn't seem like the 'type' to do that, especially because, they both have such a GOOD marriage. Now, she's feeling totally lost. It's like everything she's worked so-ooo hard for is in turmoil. I'm just trying to tell her IT'S HIM, not her. This is so-ooo difficult ... I hope she can get through this. As for me, I'm angry ... it made me realize that one day it could happen to anybody ... and for no apparent GOOD reason. It doesn't matter how 'picture perfect' your marriage is. That's the reason I guess, what got me so-ooo angry to start with. I couldn't believe there was a 'WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN' to all this. They were the 'perfect' couple, who always worked-out their differences that sometimes caused arguments to surface. Yet, they understood each other and committed 100% to their marriage that my friend thought she and her husband were connected on an 'above and beyond' level.
As of now, they supposedly have been talking. But you know, it's NOT at all positive that she's mistaken. There's still signs (in his responses) that makes her feel like it's all 'planned' answers.
And here's some other concerns:
He does alot of working past normal business hours.
He leaves for work much earlier than necessary.
He will spend several hours alone on the internet playing poker or backgammon, instead of spending time with her.
He takes showers the moment he comes home from work.
He sits alone in the den watching TV programs that he previously recorded days before. (because he was working late ??)
He has no interest in being intimate with her.
He doesn't show any affection to her.
He forgets about conversations she's had with him or it seems like his mind is elsewhere when she talks to him.
He gets in arguments with her for no apparent reason ... or over something ridiculously minor.
He checks his e-mails in private ... or signs off the moment she enters the room.
Although, they eat their meals together ... after dinner, he immediately disappears to the den, she cleans up the kitchen by herself and then she's alone in the living room.
Overall, it's a very sad situation for her. Right now, I am being the BEST friend I can be, by listening to her and trying to help with some cautious advice. I tried to tell her that she needs to figure out ways to catch him ... that way, she knows completely for sure if it's really true. She can then determine what is the BEST WAY for her to handle it. She seems to be driving herself off the deep-end with worry and heartbreak over not knowing absolutely the complete truth, only what she senses is happening. I can sympathize that it's probably not a great feeling to have to wonder how to 'check-up' on your husband ... but, I have told her it's necessary in order to put her mind at ease and get to the actual facts. I just hate to hear her crying every time I talk to her ... she's really depressed and feels it's somehow her fault. I continually tell her, it isn't. She is having a difficult time relating to anyone's advice at the moment. I just wish her husband would break and tell her the absolute truth and save her the further misery that he is putting upon her. Damn, he owes her that much, at least he should be honest enough to tell her the truth.
So, what I'm asking is if anyone can give any other advice on how my friend should proceed or what are other things that could indicate cheating ??
You can rule these out ...
There's no smell of perfume on his clothes.
No lipstick on his shirts.
No scratches or marks on his body.
And nothing out of the ordinary inside his car/trunk.
So, what else should she look out for ?? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
As of now, they supposedly have been talking. But you know, it's NOT at all positive that she's mistaken. There's still signs (in his responses) that makes her feel like it's all 'planned' answers.
And here's some other concerns:
He does alot of working past normal business hours.
He leaves for work much earlier than necessary.
He will spend several hours alone on the internet playing poker or backgammon, instead of spending time with her.
He takes showers the moment he comes home from work.
He sits alone in the den watching TV programs that he previously recorded days before. (because he was working late ??)
He has no interest in being intimate with her.
He doesn't show any affection to her.
He forgets about conversations she's had with him or it seems like his mind is elsewhere when she talks to him.
He gets in arguments with her for no apparent reason ... or over something ridiculously minor.
He checks his e-mails in private ... or signs off the moment she enters the room.
Although, they eat their meals together ... after dinner, he immediately disappears to the den, she cleans up the kitchen by herself and then she's alone in the living room.
Overall, it's a very sad situation for her. Right now, I am being the BEST friend I can be, by listening to her and trying to help with some cautious advice. I tried to tell her that she needs to figure out ways to catch him ... that way, she knows completely for sure if it's really true. She can then determine what is the BEST WAY for her to handle it. She seems to be driving herself off the deep-end with worry and heartbreak over not knowing absolutely the complete truth, only what she senses is happening. I can sympathize that it's probably not a great feeling to have to wonder how to 'check-up' on your husband ... but, I have told her it's necessary in order to put her mind at ease and get to the actual facts. I just hate to hear her crying every time I talk to her ... she's really depressed and feels it's somehow her fault. I continually tell her, it isn't. She is having a difficult time relating to anyone's advice at the moment. I just wish her husband would break and tell her the absolute truth and save her the further misery that he is putting upon her. Damn, he owes her that much, at least he should be honest enough to tell her the truth.
So, what I'm asking is if anyone can give any other advice on how my friend should proceed or what are other things that could indicate cheating ??
You can rule these out ...
There's no smell of perfume on his clothes.
No lipstick on his shirts.
No scratches or marks on his body.
And nothing out of the ordinary inside his car/trunk.
So, what else should she look out for ?? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.