80sU2isBest
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2000
- Messages
- 4,970
joyfulgirl said:You just proved Irvine's point. Again.
Stay out of it. I said nothing negative about or to you; this is none of your business.
joyfulgirl said:You just proved Irvine's point. Again.
FizzingWhizzbees said:
Now can we please get this thread back to the original subject.
FizzingWhizzbees said:Irvine, there are still better ways to express your opinions than name-calling. If you don't like another posters way of discussing a subject then you don't have to engage in a discussion with them.
FizzingWhizzbees said:Now can we please get this thread back to the original subject.
joyfulgirl said:
I am not going to try to convince you to change your mind. I just think that sometimes a person has trust issues that go way, way back and long precede the relationship in which the trust was broken, and in fact, sometimes a person's trust issues are so big, and so deep, that they draw the very situation to them that they most fear and most would like to avoid, thereby reinforcing their inability to trust. The one who was unfaithful might actually never ever be unfaithful again while the one who cannot trust is the one who is unable to heal and move on because they are so attached to the idea that they can't trust that person--or anyone.
It's just like statistically most people who are raped as adults were also sexually abused as children.
Dreadsox said:
However, without revealing too much about my personal past, many issues that have come up in my marriage were not really about my marriage, but about scars that have been opened from other periods in my life. It makes it harder to deal with the now when the wounds are open.
MrsSpringsteen said:I get tired of this happening in my threads, sorry I like all of you but it's frustrating
LivLuvAndBootlegMusic said:If my bf or future husband or whatever went out LOOKING for a sexual partner or had spent some time flirting and maybe even developing a relationship with another woman, I doubt I could ever trust him again.
Originally posted by joyfulgirl
Men tend to do it just for the sex (even if the sex at home is good) while women tend to do it because their emotional needs aren't being met at home.
Originally posted by joyfulgirl
...if they decide to end the marriage it can be done with the help of a counselor to ease the pain and bitterness and hopefully not create the same issues again.
BonosSaint said:I don't think monogamy is the issue. It is the understanding between the two parties. If there is an expectation of faithfulness, then the non-monogamy can be a deal breaker. The affair (or whatever) isn't just the sex. It's usually deception, a betrayal of trust, which may or may not be overcome. I agree with joyfulgirl. Counselling may be necessary to either continue or end the marriage civilly.
If there is no expectation of faithfulness, there is no betrayal.
It might be good to understand why the affair occurred, however.
It is fair for someone to have non-negotiables in any marriage or any relationship, as long as everybody knows up front what the non-negotiables are. I'm not going to judge anybody's negotiables.
u2bonogirl said:Im just wondering what the point of marrying somebody is if you think either one of you are going to cheat?
Whats the point of promising something that you dont think you can keep?
Why not just live together domestically until you get bored enough with one another, or trapped, or whatever, and move on to the next person?
Personally, if my husband cheated on me, it wouldnt be a deal breaker. It would be a big gigantic red fucking flag but it wouldnt break it for me. When I promised to stay by his side until death do us part I meant it.