JCOSTER
ONE love, blood, life
What I'm about to unload is really eating at me.
I have a 5 year old nephew with life threatening peanut/egg allergies. For the past couple of years my brotherinlaw and sisterinlaw have been confronting my husband and myself about certain issues. We never ask them for anything and keep our mouths shuts in order not to hurt their feelings. They also live about 45 minutes away from us.
The issues at hand are:
My brother in law wants us to make an egg free cake for birthdays etc. I do provide him with an alternative. My kids do not like this egg free cake. I think my kids should have the cake they like on their birthdays. Plus I stay clear of egg free products when serving food. On occasion, I have forgotten, but there has always been something for him to eat. I cut out labels and give them phone numbers is I have something catered.
They think we don't care enough to provide a safe environment for him. My sil said when he was younger it was a nightmare to come to my house.
I expect them to keep an eye on him and not run crazy around my house.
They give my husband and myself self help books on relationships as gifts. I've been married for 18 years and together with my husband 26. They have been married 10 and together 12.
What are they trying to say, Meanwhile, they are constantly calling each other honey, and sweetie in an overcompensating way
My sisterinlaws mother while at my sil house told them that she saw my older son doing something inappropriate with my nephew on his lap. Instead of defending my son who did nothing wrong (I was sitting right next to him) my bil confronted my husband. My husband was shocked and did all he could to restrain himself.
We discussed this with them and they were shocked that we would be upset, they only mentioned it because they thought there might be something physically wrong with my son or he was in some kind of pain. I told them that was a strong accusation and how much it hurt us that they didn't defend their nephew
They decided to get the family together including my sil mother on a family 10 day cruise this summer. After everyone else agreed, they asked us. The problem with this is it was never discussed where to go, my inlaws decided on a cruise and everyone agreed. The other problem is I am terrified of cruise ships and sailing like that.
Now if you decided to get people together on a family vacation wouldn't take suggestions on places to go. I would fly anywhere, I just don't go on boats. My in laws said they want us to go really bad but not bad enough to change their plans and to something I am not terrified of. Its what they wanted to do.
My sister in law complains that we are not close and she just wants to be closer. She also complained that in the summer we are always busy and have no time for them. We also don't talk enough on the phone.
They can't just drop by if I don't have the appropriate food for my nephew and my house isn't cleaned for peanut dustings. I must admit our summers are pretty busy, we're a baseball family and travel alot, but thats our family. She said on Christmas that we need to be closer and talk on the phone more, I have yet to hear from her after we had discussed all these issues.
My husband has spoken to his brother a few time since, but all her crying and such....I haven't had one phone....she was the one complaining.
Also in response to coming to my house being a nightmare, my husband said, so you mean to tell me that even though you were afraid your son would have an analphalactic reaction in my house you were too afraid to talk to my wife about it. So you put your son in danger by doing so. At this point my sil was like Niagra Falls.
When we parted ways that evening she said can we start over and promise to talke and communicate better with each other, we all agreed we hugged and the went home. That was a monther ago.
Am I wrong on these issues? I need to know if I'm looking at this wrong.
Any input is greatly appreciated.
I have a 5 year old nephew with life threatening peanut/egg allergies. For the past couple of years my brotherinlaw and sisterinlaw have been confronting my husband and myself about certain issues. We never ask them for anything and keep our mouths shuts in order not to hurt their feelings. They also live about 45 minutes away from us.
The issues at hand are:
My brother in law wants us to make an egg free cake for birthdays etc. I do provide him with an alternative. My kids do not like this egg free cake. I think my kids should have the cake they like on their birthdays. Plus I stay clear of egg free products when serving food. On occasion, I have forgotten, but there has always been something for him to eat. I cut out labels and give them phone numbers is I have something catered.
They think we don't care enough to provide a safe environment for him. My sil said when he was younger it was a nightmare to come to my house.
I expect them to keep an eye on him and not run crazy around my house.
They give my husband and myself self help books on relationships as gifts. I've been married for 18 years and together with my husband 26. They have been married 10 and together 12.
What are they trying to say, Meanwhile, they are constantly calling each other honey, and sweetie in an overcompensating way
My sisterinlaws mother while at my sil house told them that she saw my older son doing something inappropriate with my nephew on his lap. Instead of defending my son who did nothing wrong (I was sitting right next to him) my bil confronted my husband. My husband was shocked and did all he could to restrain himself.
We discussed this with them and they were shocked that we would be upset, they only mentioned it because they thought there might be something physically wrong with my son or he was in some kind of pain. I told them that was a strong accusation and how much it hurt us that they didn't defend their nephew
They decided to get the family together including my sil mother on a family 10 day cruise this summer. After everyone else agreed, they asked us. The problem with this is it was never discussed where to go, my inlaws decided on a cruise and everyone agreed. The other problem is I am terrified of cruise ships and sailing like that.
Now if you decided to get people together on a family vacation wouldn't take suggestions on places to go. I would fly anywhere, I just don't go on boats. My in laws said they want us to go really bad but not bad enough to change their plans and to something I am not terrified of. Its what they wanted to do.
My sister in law complains that we are not close and she just wants to be closer. She also complained that in the summer we are always busy and have no time for them. We also don't talk enough on the phone.
They can't just drop by if I don't have the appropriate food for my nephew and my house isn't cleaned for peanut dustings. I must admit our summers are pretty busy, we're a baseball family and travel alot, but thats our family. She said on Christmas that we need to be closer and talk on the phone more, I have yet to hear from her after we had discussed all these issues.
My husband has spoken to his brother a few time since, but all her crying and such....I haven't had one phone....she was the one complaining.
Also in response to coming to my house being a nightmare, my husband said, so you mean to tell me that even though you were afraid your son would have an analphalactic reaction in my house you were too afraid to talk to my wife about it. So you put your son in danger by doing so. At this point my sil was like Niagra Falls.
When we parted ways that evening she said can we start over and promise to talke and communicate better with each other, we all agreed we hugged and the went home. That was a monther ago.
Am I wrong on these issues? I need to know if I'm looking at this wrong.
Any input is greatly appreciated.