I've come to realize...

[BonoInAKilt]

how childish i have been concerning the guy I am in love with.

so here's the basic story...we've been friends my whole life..he lives next door to me..he's the one who got me into U2...we were best friend. I fell in love with him, told him I loved him and then he didn't speak to me for about a year. I wrote him a poem cause I'm a dork, we become friends..and the very day we become friends..he gets a girlfriend. The day we became friends happened over 3 years ago..and now he is marrying his girlfriend this year.

How have I been childish? Well, everything that happens between him and myself, I make it so dramatic. Well, most of the things that happen between us are arguments..cause he is so mean to me. But, I just make a big deal out of it...when it is really nothing. In January..he talked to me for the first time in about 6 months..and ya know what? He only wanted something from me. He just wanted to borrow my U2 cds...he had them for like a month and he wouldnt give him back. So..i bitched him out. lol. because he only talks to me when he wants something..and he knows i'll do whatever he wants...so i told him to stop using me.

And then I bitched about it some more on my online diary...and he saw it..and I just created more pain...for myself. I'm an idiot. because then I bitched about his girlfriend..because the night they got engaged..she showed me the ring and I said congrats and hugged her..and she goes "are you okay with this?" and im like..uh yeah..and she was like "are you sure?" I WANTED TO PUNCH HER. ever since they started dating...whenever i hang out with them..she always says something about me loving her boyfriend...she makes horrible comments....

anyways. lol i decided last night...after thinking about everything I've been through with him....that I am happy for him, even if I am not the one making him happy. If she makes him happy, then that's great. I accept the fact that they are getting married..and I will partake in the marriage festivities(that means free drinks!). The only thing I am sad about...is that the house they are building is going to be done in June, and they are going to move in when it is done...which means he will no longer live next door to me. I'm never gonna see him again....

I hate all these emotions...i never know what to do with them...


~Katelyn

 

[LoriHewson]

I'm glad you've decided to be the bigger person in this one!!! I know how hard it can be to do that sometimes, but it usually works out for the best! Trust me I can't believe his GF makes those kinda comments though...I hate when people do that!!! It drives me !!!!! Good luck with everything and enjoy the free drinks...hehe

Lori

 

[BonoInAKilt]

aww thanks for making me feel loved! i was so sad.

anyways. yeah i was like, what the hell am i doing? I'm only causing more pain to myself...and driving him away as my friend. He's still my friend...even if he doesn't talk to me that much anymore.
Yeah his gf...we'd all go out n like out of no where she'd be like "it's okay Katelyn, we know you love Terry." and im like, excuse me? and then one time she said something about how terry and her always talk about me loving him. I'm like what the hell?
another thing that makes me mad...is that she only likes U2 cause he does..but its fun when him and I discuss U2 and she doesn't know what were talking about. i just laugh.
lol thats the only reason I'm going to the reception...free drinks!! i'll just get drunk and make an ass out of myself...
uh oh. maybe that isnt a good thing...haha I'd probably like jump on Terry or proclaim my love for him some more. that wouldn't be good...haha it'd be funny though!
maybe he'd change his mind...and he'd marry me!

that's a very nice thought.

~Katelyn

 

[LoriHewson]

aww thanks for making me feel loved! i was so sad.

anyways. yeah i was like, what the hell am i doing? I'm only causing more pain to myself...and driving him away as my friend. He's still my friend...even if he doesn't talk to me that much anymore.
Yeah his gf...we'd all go out n like out of no where she'd be like "it's okay Katelyn, we know you love Terry." and im like, excuse me? and then one time she said something about how terry and her always talk about me loving him. I'm like what the hell?
another thing that makes me mad...is that she only likes U2 cause he does..but its fun when him and I discuss U2 and she doesn't know what were talking about. i just laugh.
lol thats the only reason I'm going to the reception...free drinks!! i'll just get drunk and make an ass out of myself...
uh oh. maybe that isnt a good thing...haha I'd probably like jump on Terry or proclaim my love for him some more. that wouldn't be good...haha it'd be funny though!
maybe he'd change his mind...and he'd marry me!

that's a very nice thought.

~Katelyn

Yeah i know how that is when a BF or GF only likes something because the other one likes it!! One of my close friends is like that with every man she meets...lol. It's like oh and is that what your new boyfriend likes...hehe.

Those comments she makes are stupid...if she only knew how they made you feel, plus they must make Terry uncomfortable.

Haha...I can just see the reception now

Lori

 

[BonoInAKilt]

Yeah isn't that annoying? I admit, at first, when he got me into U2...I only liked them cause he did. But ya know what? I got into them... and i love them...and its not cause he likes them. To this day, he says I only like U2 because he does..but that is not true. If I only liked them cause he did, I would not be so obsessed with them! He just doesn't understand that I love U2 more than I love him! hehe

Yeah those comments she makes...she says them randomly..like out of no where. I've told her to stop saying them and how they made me feel, she just doesn't listen. And Terry...when she says stuff like that he just smiles...or laughs...and then winks at me. ugh!!! why does he tease me?!? I wish I could just hug him...and then kiss him! hehe. I'd love to know what it'd be like to kiss him...just once....
He's kissed me like 398390 times..but just on the cheek...ahh I can still feel his goatee against my face..

haha I'm nuts. oh God..I don't know what I am going to do at the wedding...I don't know if I will be able to sit there and watch the only man I love get married... that is going to be so hard.. but at the reception...i can easily ignore them! haha

as long as there is Guinness...

~Katelyn

 

[LoriHewson]

mmmm...Guinness...what a good friend...lol.

I wonder why Terry does things like that...treat you badly and then wink at you and stuff...can we say mixed messages! Haha! I like that ...he just doesn't want to realize you love U2 more than him...hehe See you were young when he got you hooked on U2, so that's an excuse for liking it then becuase he liked it becuase you were young...ya know?

Maybe you should just go to the Reception and skip the Ceremony part...you don't want to get yourself upset!

Lori

 

[BonoInAKilt]

Guinness is definitely a good friend! mmm i love that stuff.

Terry always does things like that. I remember one night it was just him and myself in my house and we were watching U2 Live from Popmart...I don't remember what song came on..but i started crying cause my grandpa had just died...and i remember him sitting almost on top of me and he just held me and kept kissing my forehead...and telling me everything would be okay and that he'd always be there for me....i think that was the moment I knew i loved him...
that's when he used to be nice... he still flirts with me n stuff and it makes me mad cause I can't have him.

Yeah im thinking about not going to the ceremony...ill just go to the reception...haha actually Jenny and myself planned to drink while everyone was at the ceremony...and then go to the reception and drink some more. lol i don't know how that'll work. I might pass out before i even make it to the reception. haha

~Katelyn

 

[LoriHewson]

Yeah you and Jenny should just go to the reception!...lol

Lori

 

[BonoInAKilt]

lol that's what I am thinking...

unless Terry asks me, personally, to go to the wedding...lol cause i'll still do whatever he wants...even though i shouldnt.

~Katelyn