GraceRyan
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
This is fiction. It's a little more cohesive than the last. Hopefully you like it. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Yadda yadda yadda.
Abby closed her phone after listening to Jake’s voicemail. She had completely forgotten that he was coming to New York. That was before Larry showed up. Before he spent every night in her bed. Before the warm January day when they both donned baseball hats and sunglasses to stroll hand in hand in Central Park. Jake would be arriving from Morocco in a few days. She would have to tell him it was over. She had no idea where her ‘relationship’ with Larry was headed. But the last week had been amazing.
Larry drew in a deep breath with his palm pressed against her door. He felt like he could be sick at any moment. Gathering his strength, he knocked. Abby leapt for the door. This was her most favorite time of day. She counted the minutes until she could be with him again.
“Hey,” he forced a smile.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed his collar bone. “Hey, I missed you.”
He held her to him tightly. “I missed you too.” He brushed the hair from her face – his eyes lingered on her smile. He leaned in to kiss her hungrily.
Her knees trembled. She laughed as he pulled away slowly. “I guess you did miss me. How was your day?”
He plopped down on her overstuffed sofa. “Well, we found a studio.”
“Really? Where?” she curled up beside him.
“It’s on the edge of Harlem. It’s a pretty decent size. For a brick building, it has amazing acoustics,” Larry rubbed his eyes.
“Long day?” she massaged his shoulder.
“You know it. Coming to agreement with all of us isn’t easy,” he said.
“When do you start recording?”
“In May sometime. We haven’t signed papers or worked out a schedule. We’re still working out financials. It should be sorted by early next week,” he glanced at her. “Then we go home.”
Her hand dropped. “Oh.”
Silence settled between them. Minutes seemed to stretch on for days. She searched for the right questions to ask.
“When do you come back?” her voice was small.
“Ehm, I don’t think until about May,” Nervously, he rubbed the back of his neck.
Her heart thundered in her chest. He was distant and distracted. Somehow, she knew the night wasn’t going to end with them falling into her bed.
“Something’s wrong,” she said.
He nodded slowly. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just say it,” she sat rigidly.
“This week has been amazing,” he fiddled with his silver bracelet. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to continue like we are.”
Abby sat absolutely still. She wasn’t even sure if she was breathing.
He glanced at her. She wasn’t even looking at him. “I have my family to think about.”
She let out a short laugh. “Funny, you weren’t thinking about them last night.”
He deserved that. “I know. I’m a shit. It’s my fault for following you home that night. I couldn’t stay away. Maybe I needed closure or something.”
She glared at him. “You call the last week closure?”
He couldn’t sit still. He paced around her living room. “I’ve fucked this up something awful. I do care for you very deeply. But I can’t leave them. I can’t leave my family. And we can’t do this forever as much as I would love it. You deserve more, Abby.”
He was right about that. It was true this week had been amazing and wonderful – but she wanted more. She did want this all the time.
“I can’t give it to you,” he said softly.
“Can’t or won’t?” she asked.
He looked out the window. The city was so much colder tonight. Across the way, he watched the coupe in the next building move around their apartment as they made dinner. They were probably married. Maybe they were planning a family. These were things Abby wanted and things Larry could not give her.
“Both. Abby, what do you want? In the future?” he turned to her.
“What do you mean?”
“Do want to be married with a family?” he asked.
She couldn’t believe this was happening. It was really over. Swallowing the cold lump in her throat, she nodded. “I do. I want a husband and one day, I want kids. Is that wrong to want that?”
“No, it’s not. It’s perfectly normal to want that,” he started to move towards her. “I can’t give it to you. I have three kids of my own. I’m 45 years old. I’m done. I have to take care of the family I have – with Ann.”
It hit her like a slap in the face. A part of her wanted to fight for him. Did he really still love Ann if he had been with her? All the feeling left her limbs.
“My family is an important part of me. I can’t destroy them,” he touched her arm. “And I can’t be what you need.”
She moved away. “What if I didn’t ask all of that from you?”
“I don’t want you to compromise for me. You’ll regret it,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m afraid that we’ve done enough damage to our friendship. If we keep going on….” His voice broke.
Abby could see that this decision was difficult for him. Though she wanted to beg and plead, she didn’t want him to stay out of guilt. This wasn’t an easy situation. She wasn’t about to make it harder. Her heart ached. She loved him, she was sure of it. But all the love in the world wasn’t going to save them. She would have to move on. Forget the wonderful times they had together. She needed to forget the way her body responded to his touch. His touch wasn’t hers.
“You’re right,” her shoulders slumped.
“Am I?” She was taking it better than he expected.
She shrugged. “I knew it was too good to last long. We were on borrowed time. It was easy to just pick it up from where we left off because we never had this conversation. We’ve been avoiding it and living in our own little world because we both knew it wasn’t going to be forever.”
He longed to hold her and feel her body against him. As he stared at her, he chewed on his bottom lip until a salty taste filled his mouth.
“What now?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I think I should stay away for awhile,” she said. He nodded numbly. “It’s probably good that you’re leaving to go home in a few days.”
“What about us?” he asked.
She snorted. “Us? There is no ‘us’. That’s what we’ve decided, right?”
“Yeah, but you can’t stay away forever,” he said.
She rubbed her jaw. “I know. I’m sure we’ll get back to normal. One day, we won’t look at each other and think….well, you know. And maybe we’ll be friends again.”
Abby wasn’t convinced at this moment. She figured that a part of her would always pine for him and hope that he would be everything she wanted him to be. I won’t cry in front of him, she told herself.
“I guess so,” he stared at his feet. “I’m so sorry, Abby. I never wanted to hurt you. I shouldn’t have…”
“Shhh,” she said. She couldn’t hear anymore excuses or apologies. It was done. There was no looking back now.
They stood quiet staring into one another. Outside, the rain pelted the high windows. The city lights blurred against the rain.
“You should go,” she walked towards to the door.
He was afraid his life would never be right again once he stepped through the doorway. “Okay. I’ll see you…later?”
“Yeah….might be a few days,” she smiled weakly. “I’ll see you before you leave though.”
There was so much more he wanted to say before he slipped into the rain. He swallowed those words as she opened the door.
She struggled against tears. She just wanted him to leave. Looking at his beautiful face was torture. If he hugged her before walking out the door, she wouldn’t let go.
“Goodnight,” he nodded curtly as tears stung his eyes.
She collapsed against the door as she closed it behind him. Her heart felt as if it would explode out of her chest. Still, she refused to cry. This was always going to end like this. It was just a matter of time. Running her fingers through her hair, she busied herself lighting candles around the apartment to cover his scent. As the air filled with cinnamon and apples, she slipped out of her clothes and into a scalding hot shower. Her skin stung from the loofah sponge as she scrubbed every inch of body. She had to leave all of him behind.
Abby closed her phone after listening to Jake’s voicemail. She had completely forgotten that he was coming to New York. That was before Larry showed up. Before he spent every night in her bed. Before the warm January day when they both donned baseball hats and sunglasses to stroll hand in hand in Central Park. Jake would be arriving from Morocco in a few days. She would have to tell him it was over. She had no idea where her ‘relationship’ with Larry was headed. But the last week had been amazing.
Larry drew in a deep breath with his palm pressed against her door. He felt like he could be sick at any moment. Gathering his strength, he knocked. Abby leapt for the door. This was her most favorite time of day. She counted the minutes until she could be with him again.
“Hey,” he forced a smile.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed his collar bone. “Hey, I missed you.”
He held her to him tightly. “I missed you too.” He brushed the hair from her face – his eyes lingered on her smile. He leaned in to kiss her hungrily.
Her knees trembled. She laughed as he pulled away slowly. “I guess you did miss me. How was your day?”
He plopped down on her overstuffed sofa. “Well, we found a studio.”
“Really? Where?” she curled up beside him.
“It’s on the edge of Harlem. It’s a pretty decent size. For a brick building, it has amazing acoustics,” Larry rubbed his eyes.
“Long day?” she massaged his shoulder.
“You know it. Coming to agreement with all of us isn’t easy,” he said.
“When do you start recording?”
“In May sometime. We haven’t signed papers or worked out a schedule. We’re still working out financials. It should be sorted by early next week,” he glanced at her. “Then we go home.”
Her hand dropped. “Oh.”
Silence settled between them. Minutes seemed to stretch on for days. She searched for the right questions to ask.
“When do you come back?” her voice was small.
“Ehm, I don’t think until about May,” Nervously, he rubbed the back of his neck.
Her heart thundered in her chest. He was distant and distracted. Somehow, she knew the night wasn’t going to end with them falling into her bed.
“Something’s wrong,” she said.
He nodded slowly. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just say it,” she sat rigidly.
“This week has been amazing,” he fiddled with his silver bracelet. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to continue like we are.”
Abby sat absolutely still. She wasn’t even sure if she was breathing.
He glanced at her. She wasn’t even looking at him. “I have my family to think about.”
She let out a short laugh. “Funny, you weren’t thinking about them last night.”
He deserved that. “I know. I’m a shit. It’s my fault for following you home that night. I couldn’t stay away. Maybe I needed closure or something.”
She glared at him. “You call the last week closure?”
He couldn’t sit still. He paced around her living room. “I’ve fucked this up something awful. I do care for you very deeply. But I can’t leave them. I can’t leave my family. And we can’t do this forever as much as I would love it. You deserve more, Abby.”
He was right about that. It was true this week had been amazing and wonderful – but she wanted more. She did want this all the time.
“I can’t give it to you,” he said softly.
“Can’t or won’t?” she asked.
He looked out the window. The city was so much colder tonight. Across the way, he watched the coupe in the next building move around their apartment as they made dinner. They were probably married. Maybe they were planning a family. These were things Abby wanted and things Larry could not give her.
“Both. Abby, what do you want? In the future?” he turned to her.
“What do you mean?”
“Do want to be married with a family?” he asked.
She couldn’t believe this was happening. It was really over. Swallowing the cold lump in her throat, she nodded. “I do. I want a husband and one day, I want kids. Is that wrong to want that?”
“No, it’s not. It’s perfectly normal to want that,” he started to move towards her. “I can’t give it to you. I have three kids of my own. I’m 45 years old. I’m done. I have to take care of the family I have – with Ann.”
It hit her like a slap in the face. A part of her wanted to fight for him. Did he really still love Ann if he had been with her? All the feeling left her limbs.
“My family is an important part of me. I can’t destroy them,” he touched her arm. “And I can’t be what you need.”
She moved away. “What if I didn’t ask all of that from you?”
“I don’t want you to compromise for me. You’ll regret it,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m afraid that we’ve done enough damage to our friendship. If we keep going on….” His voice broke.
Abby could see that this decision was difficult for him. Though she wanted to beg and plead, she didn’t want him to stay out of guilt. This wasn’t an easy situation. She wasn’t about to make it harder. Her heart ached. She loved him, she was sure of it. But all the love in the world wasn’t going to save them. She would have to move on. Forget the wonderful times they had together. She needed to forget the way her body responded to his touch. His touch wasn’t hers.
“You’re right,” her shoulders slumped.
“Am I?” She was taking it better than he expected.
She shrugged. “I knew it was too good to last long. We were on borrowed time. It was easy to just pick it up from where we left off because we never had this conversation. We’ve been avoiding it and living in our own little world because we both knew it wasn’t going to be forever.”
He longed to hold her and feel her body against him. As he stared at her, he chewed on his bottom lip until a salty taste filled his mouth.
“What now?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I think I should stay away for awhile,” she said. He nodded numbly. “It’s probably good that you’re leaving to go home in a few days.”
“What about us?” he asked.
She snorted. “Us? There is no ‘us’. That’s what we’ve decided, right?”
“Yeah, but you can’t stay away forever,” he said.
She rubbed her jaw. “I know. I’m sure we’ll get back to normal. One day, we won’t look at each other and think….well, you know. And maybe we’ll be friends again.”
Abby wasn’t convinced at this moment. She figured that a part of her would always pine for him and hope that he would be everything she wanted him to be. I won’t cry in front of him, she told herself.
“I guess so,” he stared at his feet. “I’m so sorry, Abby. I never wanted to hurt you. I shouldn’t have…”
“Shhh,” she said. She couldn’t hear anymore excuses or apologies. It was done. There was no looking back now.
They stood quiet staring into one another. Outside, the rain pelted the high windows. The city lights blurred against the rain.
“You should go,” she walked towards to the door.
He was afraid his life would never be right again once he stepped through the doorway. “Okay. I’ll see you…later?”
“Yeah….might be a few days,” she smiled weakly. “I’ll see you before you leave though.”
There was so much more he wanted to say before he slipped into the rain. He swallowed those words as she opened the door.
She struggled against tears. She just wanted him to leave. Looking at his beautiful face was torture. If he hugged her before walking out the door, she wouldn’t let go.
“Goodnight,” he nodded curtly as tears stung his eyes.
She collapsed against the door as she closed it behind him. Her heart felt as if it would explode out of her chest. Still, she refused to cry. This was always going to end like this. It was just a matter of time. Running her fingers through her hair, she busied herself lighting candles around the apartment to cover his scent. As the air filled with cinnamon and apples, she slipped out of her clothes and into a scalding hot shower. Her skin stung from the loofah sponge as she scrubbed every inch of body. She had to leave all of him behind.
Any more chapters yet? Dying for another update.
