Ava Adore
The Fly
For the last year and a half I have been taking night classes at school. I never told anyone at work because what I am studying has nothing to do with the industry I am in. I wanted to keep my options open and not have any doors closed on me, because I advertised the fact that my interests lie elsewhere.
Anyway... I am nearly done the program, and quite a few people in the office have slowly become aware of my extra curricular activities... however, I have managed to keep the secret from my bosses. I feel kinda guilty, because I plan on leaving at the end of August. I am moving to Ireland actually for a few years, in hopes of pursuing my new career. Now my life has become so complicated and I don't know what I am doing anymore.
Lot's of people know and lot's of people don't know. Many of the ones at work who know I am in school, also know of my plans for the fall. However, I feel guilty because it may come as a shock to my bosses when I finally tell them. Not that I owe them anything. I have worked here for nearly three years, longer than my original intent. But I still feel guilty. It'll come as a shock, but then again, perhaps not.
My boss was talking to me the other day of wanting to go to Scotland in September. I felt bad inside, because I knew with me leaving at the end of August, she may not be able to go. Yet again, not my problem, but I feel guilty. I plan on giving them one-two months notice, so they will have plenty of time to replace me. Anyone could do my job, but this office is strange. They act as if the world is ending if someone leaves, and they always seem to leave the hiring to the last minute.
My second guilt is the fact that everyone in my family knows of my plans except for my father. I don't know how to tell him, because we are really close and it will break his heart. I leave in 6 months so I better tell him soon. I am worried how he will feel being the last one to know.
My other guilt is knowing how much I want to go, but also feeling torn leaving everyone behind. What I am doing is selfish, living for me, and all about me for once, but I am not a selfish person and it's really hard... Ugh!
I feel I have been living one big ass lie and I hate it.
That is my confession.
------------------
...there's so much doubt in every heart,
for all our faults we carry on
...
Anyway... I am nearly done the program, and quite a few people in the office have slowly become aware of my extra curricular activities... however, I have managed to keep the secret from my bosses. I feel kinda guilty, because I plan on leaving at the end of August. I am moving to Ireland actually for a few years, in hopes of pursuing my new career. Now my life has become so complicated and I don't know what I am doing anymore.
Lot's of people know and lot's of people don't know. Many of the ones at work who know I am in school, also know of my plans for the fall. However, I feel guilty because it may come as a shock to my bosses when I finally tell them. Not that I owe them anything. I have worked here for nearly three years, longer than my original intent. But I still feel guilty. It'll come as a shock, but then again, perhaps not.
My boss was talking to me the other day of wanting to go to Scotland in September. I felt bad inside, because I knew with me leaving at the end of August, she may not be able to go. Yet again, not my problem, but I feel guilty. I plan on giving them one-two months notice, so they will have plenty of time to replace me. Anyone could do my job, but this office is strange. They act as if the world is ending if someone leaves, and they always seem to leave the hiring to the last minute.
My second guilt is the fact that everyone in my family knows of my plans except for my father. I don't know how to tell him, because we are really close and it will break his heart. I leave in 6 months so I better tell him soon. I am worried how he will feel being the last one to know.
My other guilt is knowing how much I want to go, but also feeling torn leaving everyone behind. What I am doing is selfish, living for me, and all about me for once, but I am not a selfish person and it's really hard... Ugh!
I feel I have been living one big ass lie and I hate it.
That is my confession.
------------------
...there's so much doubt in every heart,
for all our faults we carry on
...