namkcuR
ONE love, blood, life
I'm a 21 year old male virgin. I've only ever had one girlfriend; that was 2 years ago, it was long distance, and it didn't work out. I'm over that.
I finished a two year program at my community college and am in the middle of a year off before going to a four year college. There is almost a 100% chance my major will change. I am currently unemployed.
Long story short, at this point in life, I really don't want to be in a relationship. I mean, sure I'd like to have that companionship and everything, but the fact is that, like most things in life, it's more complicated than that. The fact is that relationships are about sharing your life with somebody else. My life is hardly one worth sharing right now. I spend most of my time at home, chilling. I'm not currently going to school and I am not currently employed. I have big decisions to make in the next year and - while this may sound cold - I don't want to have this other person to think about while making those decisions. I don't want to have take somebody else's feelings into consideration while making these decisions when I hardly even know what my own feelings are. It's not fair to ask anyone to be in a relationship with me when I really have no idea where I'm going in life yet. It's like asking someone to get on an oceanliner with no clue as to its destination.
And even if I did have a more stable life to share, I don't know that I would yet. I just don't feel like I want to commit to anyone at this point yet. Just the opposite - I want to be utterly uncommited at this point in time. I don't believe in the idea of actively looking for love either. People who go on a million dates a year looking for Mr./Ms. Right annoy me. I believe in letting love find me/you. You happen to meet some at school or at work or wherever. Maybe I'm being totally idealistic and naive(I'm 21, I have a right to be ), but I believe in that saying...love will find you when you least expect it. Now, I realize that not all relationships have to be serious or long-term, but I really am not the type to do casual relationships. I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of casual romantic relationships. Casual relationships are usually a catalyst for casual sex and that is something I really am not comfortable with.
Don't misinterpret that - I am not religious AT ALL. I've never 'done the deed', but whether I'm married or not when I do doesn't really matter to me at all. What matters to me is that I'm doing it with a person that I am commited to and that I feel is equally commited to me. I am a believer that the experience of physical love will be that much better if the two people really love and are commited to each other. And I really would never want to use a girl for sex...even if she would be completely aware that it would be a casual one-off/two-off kind of thing.
I loathe the idea of formal dating anyway, let alone formally dating someone in what will never be more than a casual relationship. I feel like if I have to take my partner to fancy restaurant in order for her to enjoy being with me, it's a doomed relationship anyway. And going to the movies on first/second dates seems counterproductive; What are you going to learn about each other while you sit in silence watching a movie in a dark theater? I will always, ALWAYS, be the type to prefer laying on a couch at home(mine or hers) and watching a movie on TV with a bowl of microwave popcorn. There is much more to learn about each other when you have the freedom to talk, move around, dress the way you normally dress, etc. Much less pressure involved.
Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent. The point is, I don't want a serious relationship now or any time close to now. It could be two or three years, maybe more, before I feel like being in a relationship. I don't know how long it will be. And since I don't really want any casual relationships either, it could be a while before I'm ever in ANY relationship. And I'm ok with that. But the thing that makes me a little uneasy is this: What if, let's say in three years I'm ready to be in a relationship, I meet the right person, we're commited to each other...would a 24 year old woman care if her parter is a (by then)24 year old virgin who has never even come close to it before? I know I'm probably worried about nothing.
Sorry this was so long-winded...I just needed to paint a clear picture for you before asking these questions:
The question I asked in the last paragraph.
Are my views on love and relationships and sex just too idealistic? Don't sugarcoat it.
Is it normal to have this combination of A.Being unintereseted in casual relationships and B.Not wanting to be in any serious relationship yet?
I just needed to get that all out.
I finished a two year program at my community college and am in the middle of a year off before going to a four year college. There is almost a 100% chance my major will change. I am currently unemployed.
Long story short, at this point in life, I really don't want to be in a relationship. I mean, sure I'd like to have that companionship and everything, but the fact is that, like most things in life, it's more complicated than that. The fact is that relationships are about sharing your life with somebody else. My life is hardly one worth sharing right now. I spend most of my time at home, chilling. I'm not currently going to school and I am not currently employed. I have big decisions to make in the next year and - while this may sound cold - I don't want to have this other person to think about while making those decisions. I don't want to have take somebody else's feelings into consideration while making these decisions when I hardly even know what my own feelings are. It's not fair to ask anyone to be in a relationship with me when I really have no idea where I'm going in life yet. It's like asking someone to get on an oceanliner with no clue as to its destination.
And even if I did have a more stable life to share, I don't know that I would yet. I just don't feel like I want to commit to anyone at this point yet. Just the opposite - I want to be utterly uncommited at this point in time. I don't believe in the idea of actively looking for love either. People who go on a million dates a year looking for Mr./Ms. Right annoy me. I believe in letting love find me/you. You happen to meet some at school or at work or wherever. Maybe I'm being totally idealistic and naive(I'm 21, I have a right to be ), but I believe in that saying...love will find you when you least expect it. Now, I realize that not all relationships have to be serious or long-term, but I really am not the type to do casual relationships. I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of casual romantic relationships. Casual relationships are usually a catalyst for casual sex and that is something I really am not comfortable with.
Don't misinterpret that - I am not religious AT ALL. I've never 'done the deed', but whether I'm married or not when I do doesn't really matter to me at all. What matters to me is that I'm doing it with a person that I am commited to and that I feel is equally commited to me. I am a believer that the experience of physical love will be that much better if the two people really love and are commited to each other. And I really would never want to use a girl for sex...even if she would be completely aware that it would be a casual one-off/two-off kind of thing.
I loathe the idea of formal dating anyway, let alone formally dating someone in what will never be more than a casual relationship. I feel like if I have to take my partner to fancy restaurant in order for her to enjoy being with me, it's a doomed relationship anyway. And going to the movies on first/second dates seems counterproductive; What are you going to learn about each other while you sit in silence watching a movie in a dark theater? I will always, ALWAYS, be the type to prefer laying on a couch at home(mine or hers) and watching a movie on TV with a bowl of microwave popcorn. There is much more to learn about each other when you have the freedom to talk, move around, dress the way you normally dress, etc. Much less pressure involved.
Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent. The point is, I don't want a serious relationship now or any time close to now. It could be two or three years, maybe more, before I feel like being in a relationship. I don't know how long it will be. And since I don't really want any casual relationships either, it could be a while before I'm ever in ANY relationship. And I'm ok with that. But the thing that makes me a little uneasy is this: What if, let's say in three years I'm ready to be in a relationship, I meet the right person, we're commited to each other...would a 24 year old woman care if her parter is a (by then)24 year old virgin who has never even come close to it before? I know I'm probably worried about nothing.
Sorry this was so long-winded...I just needed to paint a clear picture for you before asking these questions:
The question I asked in the last paragraph.
Are my views on love and relationships and sex just too idealistic? Don't sugarcoat it.
Is it normal to have this combination of A.Being unintereseted in casual relationships and B.Not wanting to be in any serious relationship yet?
I just needed to get that all out.