Girls shouldn't ask guys out... or should they?

[gareth brown]

Wow, that is really sexist. Not all guys are going to be completely comfortable just asking a girl out, and we certainly aren't professional mind readers either. If a girl is nice to us, we aren't always going to automatically assume its because the like us, but it is because they are simply decent people. Furthermore if you are going to base your relationship on "control" and are worried about a guys "ego" getting boosted, its already doomed from the start.

Exactly...I don't think it's really fair to just try and establish that it's a guy's "Job" to ask the woman out...I've only done it once and it frightened the life out of me...

 

[Windmilllane]

Rejection?


If you get rejected, .... oh well....

his/her loss,, IMO

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Bah, rejection. Welcome to my world. I'm about to make a sweeping generalization here, so get ready.

I've found that many men are socially retarded. They just don't know what to do.

That said, women can be evasive, aloof, and confusing too. Yes, being rejected sucks, we all know that. But sometimes, isn't it worth the risk??

I've asked out a guy or 2 before. Did I like doing it? No. Would I rather guys ask me out? Yes. It's a catch 22 of sorts; noone likes overly agressive guys but who would want to go out with a ball-less wonder?

This is an interesting topic.

 

[Lancemc]

A woman taking charge like that is incredibly sexy.

 

[Windmilllane]

Okay, I am asking any Interference girl to go out with me.

Any takers?

 

[{paintedroses}]

A woman taking charge like that is incredibly sexy.

Ah yes, but I reckon it would only be sexy if you liked her. And if you liked her you'd have already asked her out anyway.

 

[Windmilllane]

*crickets*

See, woman complain that guys are too shy or scared to ask them out. But when we do, they reject us.

Anyway, it's all about looks.

 

[{paintedroses}]

Okay, I am asking any Interference girl to go out with me.

Any takers?

See... not afraid!

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Ah yes, but I reckon it would only be sexy if you liked her. And if you liked her you'd have already asked her out anyway.

I buy into this.

 

[Sad_Girl]

Ah yes, but I reckon it would only be sexy if you liked her. And if you liked her you'd have already asked her out anyway.

I've never met this guy I honestly have never met a guy who can ask a girl that he REALLY likes out. All of my guy friends have always been able to ask out only the girls they 'kinda like' but will pine over the one they REALLY like and wait and wait until she makes the first move

 

[Chizip]

I've never met this guy I honestly have never met a guy who can ask a girl that he REALLY likes out. All of my guy friends have always been able to ask out only the girls they 'kinda like' but will pine over the one they REALLY like and wait and wait until she makes the first move

I'll buy into this. The more a guy likes a girl, the greater the fear of rejection is, thus the less likely he is to ask her out.

 

[Windmilllane]

I'll buy into this. The more a guy likes a girl, the greater the fear of rejection is, thus the less likely he is to ask her out.

Totally agree.

Unfortunately, the guy is screwed. He is so shy and scared to ask her out, but then along comes another dude who takes a chance and she says yes to him and the shy guy feels like a total ass.

Guys need to cope with rejection. I have had a lot of crushes on girls, but was too scared and shy to say anything to them because of fear of rejection. My self-esteem is low enough as it is. If it gets any lower, I would have no choice but to kill myself because I feel like a total loser.

 

[yimou]

I'll buy into this. The more a guy likes a girl, the greater the fear of rejection is, thus the less likely he is to ask her out.

Well said Chizip.

 

[Chizip]

Hell if I was a girl I'd be a little skeptical of a guy that was easily able to as me out. It may be that the guy is very confident, or it may be the guy really doesn't like you thaaaaaat much, and if you say no then it's no big deal to him and he'll just go ask the next girl out.

It's the guy that agonizes over it for a while before finally working up the nerve to ask you out is the one that truly cares for you the most. But sometimes that guy never fully gets up that nerve, so sometimes the girl can step in and make a move.

I think a girl refusing to ask a guy out because she wants more control is just pretty silly.

 

[BVS]

Ah yes, but I reckon it would only be sexy if you liked her. And if you liked her you'd have already asked her out anyway.

Guys aren't allowed to be shy? Or allowed to take it slow?

I guess we're damned if we do, damned if we don't.

I've asked girls out without knowing what they felt, and I've waited to get a better feel, it really all depends.

I've also been asked out by girls.

Girls who aren't afraid to ask you out=

 

[redkat]

I'll buy into this. The more a guy likes a girl, the greater the fear of rejection is, thus the less likely he is to ask her out.

That's the best news ever for lots of girls. The ones without dates might be the most desired. I wished I'd known all this in high school

 

[{paintedroses}]

Hell if I was a girl I'd be a little skeptical of a guy that was easily able to as me out. It may be that the guy is very confident, or it may be the guy really doesn't like you thaaaaaat much, and if you say no then it's no big deal to him and he'll just go ask the next girl out.

It's the guy that agonizes over it for a while before finally working up the nerve to ask you out is the one that truly cares for you the most. But sometimes that guy never fully gets up that nerve, so sometimes the girl can step in and make a move.

I think a girl refusing to ask a guy out because she wants more control is just pretty silly.

Yeah I can see that my opinion isn't really shared here... I think you are all pointing things out to me which I didn't really take into consideration. I'm not gonna change my mind though, as I am quite stubborn (of course you already know that cos I won't ask a guy out )

*makes mental note to do more research before starting posts like this*

However, I think in situations where the guy is too shy to ask a girl out, he would probably still make the first move in a much subtler way. Or may not even be aware he's made a first move because the girl has picked up on him liking her anyway.

And of course its a whole different picture if the two people are already friends.

 

[Sherry Darling]

[B

Girls who aren't afraid to ask you out= [/B]

Seriously, gents, on the rejection thing, and I know I'm a woman, so maybe it's a different experience: One of the best things that ever happened to me was being rejected in college by this man I was soooooooo in love with. He loved--and still loves--me as a friend, but it just wasn't "there" for him. I told him how I felt, our friendship survived. And *I* survivied and was (this is the weird part 100X MORE confident for it. Seriously. I had done something by telling him how I felt that I didn't know at that point I could do. Obviously, it stung for a bit but I've never underestimdated myself since.

Moral: Just ask her/him.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Moral: Just ask her/him.

For real though, I am not comforted by the thought that the times when I didn't have dates it was b/c some guy(s) was afraid I would reject him/them.

The phrase "strap on a sack" comes to mind.

I'm with SD, just ask. And if you're rejected, do what I do, drink until it goes away.

 

[Sad_Girl]

Hell if I was a girl I'd be a little skeptical of a guy that was easily able to as me out. It may be that the guy is very confident, or it may be the guy really doesn't like you thaaaaaat much, and if you say no then it's no big deal to him and he'll just go ask the next girl out.

It's the guy that agonizes over it for a while before finally working up the nerve to ask you out is the one that truly cares for you the most. But sometimes that guy never fully gets up that nerve, so sometimes the girl can step in and make a move.

I think a girl refusing to ask a guy out because she wants more control is just pretty silly.

Who wants to go out with someone who is sending you the signal that they are going to make you do all the work, anyway? but hey, thats just my take on it. Dating/romance is like everything else in life, if there are two people involved, both of them should have equal responsibility in the matter. If not, it's too easy for one to be very badly hurt

Yeah I can see that my opinion isn't really shared here... I think you are all pointing things out to me which I didn't really take into consideration. I'm not gonna change my mind though, as I am quite stubborn (of course you already know that cos I won't ask a guy out )

*makes mental note to do more research before starting posts like this*

However, I think in situations where the guy is too shy to ask a girl out, he would probably still make the first move in a much subtler way. Or may not even be aware he's made a first move because the girl has picked up on him liking her anyway.

And of course its a whole different picture if the two people are already friends.

I guess I never thought of THAT. I can't imagine asking someone out or agreeing to go out with someone I didn't already consider a friend

 

[Windmilllane]

Tradition holds that a girl is NOT supposed to ask a guy out.

It's supposed to be the guy. If a girl asked me out, that would be really, really weird, IMO.

Okay, getting back to my original posts... I am downright scared of being rejected, that's why I have never asked a girl out.

This thread makes me think of all the girls I had deep crushes on, but never had the nerve to tell them how I felt about them.

 

[Chizip]

The main point I've been trying to make is there are circumstances when it is good for a girl to ask a guy out. To stubbornly refuse to ever ask a guy out, and admitting that part of the reason is because you want "control," just isn't a very smart idea in my opinion. You could miss out on a really great guy with that kind of attitude.

And if I was a girl I'd ask you out Windmill

 

[{paintedroses}]

I guess I never thought of THAT. I can't imagine asking someone out or agreeing to go out with someone I didn't already consider a friend

Well I meant if they were already really good friends before one/both of them started gettting romantic feelings in which case it would be awkward.

 

[Windmilllane]

And if I was a girl I'd ask you out Windmill

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

This thread makes me think of all the girls I had deep crushes on, but never had the nerve to tell them how I felt about them.

This makes me think of all the guys I've had crushes on but they didn't have crushes on me.

Anyway, I've learned stuff from this thread, from both the guys and the girls.
I've always thought guys were turned off by girls who asked them out. Perhaps this is why I drank so much in college... I was asking the wrong guys.

 

[{paintedroses}]

The main point I've been trying to make is there are circumstances when it is good for a girl to ask a guy out. To stubbornly refuse to ever ask a guy out, and admitting that part of the reason is because you want "control," just isn't a very smart idea in my opinion. You could miss out on a really great guy with that kind of attitude.

I have said I recognise there are circumstances when a girl should do the asking. Of course I wouldn't stubbornly refuse to ask someone out if they weren't up to doing it themself. I think I also already explained that the "control" thing was to do with girls claiming they are taking control by doing the asking, whereas I believe a girl would have more control if she was asked. This doesn't mean I crave this kind of control.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

When I read "control" I see "security." Is this a correct?

 

[{paintedroses}]

When I read "control" I see "security." Is this a correct?

Hmm I suppose so, security and kind of the upper hand I guess. I know this shouldn't be the way relationships work!! I'm not saying I want the upper hand in a relationship.

 

[Sad_Girl]

Tradition holds that a girl is NOT supposed to ask a guy out.

It's supposed to be the guy. If a girl asked me out, that would be really, really weird, IMO.

Okay, getting back to my original posts... I am downright scared of being rejected, that's why I have never asked a girl out.

This thread makes me think of all the girls I had deep crushes on, but never had the nerve to tell them how I felt about them.

I think I've asked more guys out than have asked me. i asked my husband out first. He has admitted to me that he never would have asked me if I had left it up to him, and thanked me for doing it. It was the best thing that could happen in both of our lives I hate to think what my life would be like if I had thought it was wrong to ask him out.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Me and my guy were best friends for a few years before getting involved with each other. Both of us were feeling something romantic towards the other but neither of us were voicing it. I ended up making the first move. Turns out that if I hadn't said anything than he probably wouldn't have. Said he was worried I would have rejected him and it would have affected our friendship. The most shocking part is that he's a lot more outgoing than me as Im the shy one! lol. We are still the very best of friends and deeply in love. Way I see it if you like the guy than go for it!