THE TOQUE
CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR AND SATIRE
TORONTO-- It has taken Edward Eden almost a lifetime, but he believes he has found his soulmate of chocolate bars--the Coffee Crisp. After years of candy-craving uncertainty and snack confusion, Edward thinks that he has found the right chocolate bar, the confection that represents him the best.
Edward Eden believes that the Coffee Crisp is his right light snack.
"I can't believe it's taken me this long to find my match," said Edward, 39. "I spent the last ten years of my life as a Kit Kat man; I thought the bar was snappy, like me. It had four fingers of delicious chocolatey wafers--you didn't have to commit to the whole thing at once. It was a chocolate bar with class, yet carried a hint of smarm, that showed off my frivolous side.
"Oh I'd tried other candy bars. When I was a teenager, sure I experimented--but everyone did. Mars, Snickers, Goobers, it didn't matter. Back then it was just for the sugar kick. I was young, and I did foolish things. Eventually I settled down with the Kit Kat bar. But ultimately, the Kit Kat and I were mismatched. But even though it no longer felt right, I hung on to Kit Kat for several sordid years. It was unfair to me, and to my chocolate bar. I regret that now."
Edward reflected on his snacking past momentarily, but then continued:
"Of course, I feel disappointed that I lost the best years of my life with the wrong chocolate," said Edward, "but life is like that I guess. I just had to move on. There was no sense brooding over it."
Edward discovered the Coffee Crisp when he was out shopping for nasal decongestant.
"I saw the Coffee Crisp at the checkout counter--they were on sale, two for a dollar. I'd never tried one before. I thought it was one of those pretentious bars, kind of snobby and full of attitude. Well, I was wrong. The Coffee Crisp felt like the right fit from the first seconds I hand my fingers on it...before it began to melt that is."
Edward was sure about the match after only one or two bites.
"I felt a little guilty, like I was cheating or something," continued Edward. "Here I was enjoying another chocolate bar--and the Kit Kats were not even 10 feet away from me! But I couldn't help myself. It just felt so right, so true. It had something that Kit Kat was never able to give me--larger layers of wafers with more crunch...and a rich creamy taste."
"It was delicious too, which was a bonus," said Edward. "I didn't realize it at the time, but Coffee Crisp represents a certain maturity and class that I had never found before in any other chocolate bar. Maybe I wasn't mature enough before. Maybe I wasn't ready for the Coffee Crisp--until now."
Edward has since made a commitment to his candy bar choice--he just bought a case of them from Costco.
"I didn't even think twice about the purchase," said Edward. "I never would have done that with the Kit Kats, or even Three Musketeers. It wasn't right--until now." Edward took a big bite for emphasis.
"How do you like your coffee?" asked Edward rhetorically with another bite. "Crisp," he answered himself and smiled with pleasure.
Oh- I've also been to Windsor, the place to go to drink if you're under 21 but 19+. 
canadians.
That's where I live! ...and then where I am moving! 
Sexy men, Ketchup chips, you name it...
It'll be my first time in Canada. be gentle. I cant wait to see the *snort*... "BUTT STOPS!!!" 
You guys don't have ketchup potato chips? Poor Americans. What about Dill Pickle chips? 
...you should know better...havlat isn't french canadian
