zuropa_fit
Blue Crack Addict
Okay, so my half sister is only now getting to know just how crazy I am about this band and she sent me the following joke letter. Thought I'd share it with y'all.
Dear Mr Bono (Who's Not The Dead One That Was Once Married To Cher),
I really don't mean to bother you, but I'm having a problem with my sister. Actually we're more like best friends than sisters, but then again isn't it the ideal for sisters to BE best friends? I'm not sure--it's very shakey emotional ground for me because there was a 26 year span where I kept myself away and noncommunicative. And since our reunion I've discovered that you really cream her jeans [She doesn't know it's actually Larry] --sorry for the vulgarity. However, my vulgarity cannot negate the fact that you turn my LITTLE ( both in size and age) sister on like a cat with a catnip featherbed.
Please stop it. Just don't do it anymore. Yes, of course I am only REQUESTING that you cease forthwith, but please realize that it's Mrs Staff Seargent ********** who is making this request. Now despite the fact that I am married to an American soldier (Oklahoma born and bred) who's done 2 tours in Iraq already, and could very well be deployed for a 3rd tour, I am not asking for any kind of favoritism. I'm just trying to edify you in regards to whom you're being addressed by. I am the simple and humble 1/2 Naive American Indian wife of a war torn soldier who doesn't agree with war yet fights it in hopes of preserving the basic tenets that all Americans grew up believing in and my sisters chastity. Chastity!?HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!
Now Mr Bono, you might think the former would be of more importance to me, but you would be mistaken. I am more concerned with the latter than anything else. To be honest, I more than mildly concerned regarding the influence you seem to have over my dearest younger sisters loins. I am hoping that you will comprehend the position that I and my husband, Staff Sergeant ********** (recipiant of a Purple Heart), have found ourselves in. Her innocence and reputation are of utmost importance. A dalliance with you could very well destroy her ability to advance in this world, as I'm sure you can understand.
I appreciate your taking the time from your busy social schedule to glance at the beseechment I make on behalf of my younger and less wise sister.
Yours in Confidence,
S***********
wife of
SSGT ***************
Dear Mr Bono (Who's Not The Dead One That Was Once Married To Cher),
I really don't mean to bother you, but I'm having a problem with my sister. Actually we're more like best friends than sisters, but then again isn't it the ideal for sisters to BE best friends? I'm not sure--it's very shakey emotional ground for me because there was a 26 year span where I kept myself away and noncommunicative. And since our reunion I've discovered that you really cream her jeans [She doesn't know it's actually Larry] --sorry for the vulgarity. However, my vulgarity cannot negate the fact that you turn my LITTLE ( both in size and age) sister on like a cat with a catnip featherbed.
Please stop it. Just don't do it anymore. Yes, of course I am only REQUESTING that you cease forthwith, but please realize that it's Mrs Staff Seargent ********** who is making this request. Now despite the fact that I am married to an American soldier (Oklahoma born and bred) who's done 2 tours in Iraq already, and could very well be deployed for a 3rd tour, I am not asking for any kind of favoritism. I'm just trying to edify you in regards to whom you're being addressed by. I am the simple and humble 1/2 Naive American Indian wife of a war torn soldier who doesn't agree with war yet fights it in hopes of preserving the basic tenets that all Americans grew up believing in and my sisters chastity. Chastity!?HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!
Now Mr Bono, you might think the former would be of more importance to me, but you would be mistaken. I am more concerned with the latter than anything else. To be honest, I more than mildly concerned regarding the influence you seem to have over my dearest younger sisters loins. I am hoping that you will comprehend the position that I and my husband, Staff Sergeant ********** (recipiant of a Purple Heart), have found ourselves in. Her innocence and reputation are of utmost importance. A dalliance with you could very well destroy her ability to advance in this world, as I'm sure you can understand.
I appreciate your taking the time from your busy social schedule to glance at the beseechment I make on behalf of my younger and less wise sister.
Yours in Confidence,
S***********
wife of
SSGT ***************
Well, your sister does seem worried about your chastity... but see, my name is Chasity (only one T, thankyouverymuch) and I wouldn't complain if your sister wanted to trade me to Bono in exchange for your virtue 
)
That is so brilliant! I sorta wish my older sister would right B a letter like that. 
That's one hilarious letter!
