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Old 06-17-2006, 08:41 AM   #1
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What do you see in your mirror?

There's a greeting card that shows a beautiful woman looking into a mirror and seeing an ugly hag and a gross man looking into a mirror and seeing a stud. (On a whole, women love that card because it speaks great volumes of psychological truth, lol)

But if there was a mythical mirror that could show you your physical, psychological, emotional, ethical, "coolness", intellectual, creative, etc., etc., what would you see?

Would you see your shortcomings or would you see your strengths? Or maybe the better question is, which would you tend to exagerrate?

(Of course, you could be absolutely brave and be specific with what you'd see and impress us all with your openness.

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Old 06-17-2006, 09:38 AM   #2
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Great thread

It would take me ages to articulate an appropriate response, but a quick one off the top of my head..

In the real mirror I see all my flaws- I hate my nose, my ears, my smile most times. I do like my eyes. My hair looks OK , if I put enough effort into it. I hate and magnify my lines and all that nasty stuff. I've internalized putdowns that some people have made of/to me. I am so pale and I hate that too.
Let's not even talk about the body..age, gravity, laziness. It used to look pretty good. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. At least I'm still tall and I like that.

In the mythical mirror I try to treat myself better-I see a person who has been through many personal hells but is a survivor, who should give herself more credit and not be so hard on herself, who is sympathetic and empathetic, who has a pretty decent sense of humor, who is sensitive and vulnerable and that IS a GOOD thing (or so I try to tell/remind myself). I am reasonably intelligent and I am still curious about the world. I am too easily hurt, which can make life every difficult. I'm too often afraid to show people all of me, that they will reject me in some way. But there should be a part of yourself that you never show to anyone and keep to yourself, that's what I believe. But more and more I am comfortable with myself and like myself and can be more comfortable with people rejecting me for whatever reason. Usually I am attracted to a certain type of person who usually doesn't do that sort of thing, but people are people so..and when that happens the good old self-doubt creeps in. And boy is it ever a bitch..

I have high moral standards but at the same time I truly believe in letting people just be and be whatever they are, as long as they're not going around doing truly evil things and/or intentionally hurting other human beings. I want to be accepted for who I am so I do my level best to do that to others.

I like the "fantasy world", it's so much easier than the real world is. And sometimes it really saves my sanity. I am an introvert and a loner. I think I am humble and I love humility and other people who are truly humble.

My weakness are numerous-a few..

I don't suffer fools easily, am impatient with people and can hold grudges. Sometimes I give my heart away too easily when I should know better and protect it.

I don't usually like to tell people when they're hurting me, and that just leads to more hurt. I don't know how to be assertive, am too much of a people pleaser. I'm working on that.

Sometimes my standards/expectations of other people are too high, and that can lead to trouble.

General low self-esteem and self-confidence

There are many more

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Old 06-17-2006, 10:58 AM   #3
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I have been seeing some older man that kind of looks like my dad.

And it's you when I look in the mirror
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Old 06-17-2006, 11:01 AM   #4
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I only notice whether my hair is a mess or looks relatively good
I think I don't really notice the rest because I know what to expect anyway
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Old 06-17-2006, 01:01 PM   #5
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in the real mirror.... I like to see my eyes, how I reflect myself in them and the weird way they shine. I also look how do I put too much effort in look excentric and unique, the bold lines of black eyeliner, the "geisha" makeup, the unmatching clothes.

then when I start to get deeper and deeper in my own reflection... I see a young woman who doesn't want to grow as an average adult, a girl who doesn't want to have a family, a white house and two kids, a girl who doesn't want a "normal" life, without any taste.

but, at the same time, behind the intimidating apareance, there's a quite vulnerable being... fragile and sensitive. The same being I see when I look into my bf's eyes which are so dark than I can't help to contemplate my own reflection and it is amazing -
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Old 06-17-2006, 01:44 PM   #6
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I see a young face with an old soul...and lots of freckles
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Old 06-17-2006, 09:22 PM   #7
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I see a skinny black guy with not totally flattering dreads, a black guy who keeps forgetting that he's black and really prefers to just be a person without the appendage of race.

I see someone who is funny, thoughtful, logical, smart, but not particularly charismatic. I see someone who hates to be wrong, and has a hard time being criticized and a harder time being disliked. I see someone who really, really wants people to like him and approve of him and doesn't like that in himself.

I see someone who is proud of the choices he's made in life, proud of the rather "non-traditional" life he's chosen, but also someone who fears that he's letting his dreams pass by and is not really having the guts to go out and do what he really wants.

I see someone who on the surface is pretty "moral" and good but though I "don't believe in forced entry, don't believe in rape, every time she passes by wild thoughts escape." I see someone who is a perfectionist, organized in the extreme, but who can be impatient with other people and remarkably self-centered.

I see someone who is a skeptical believer, someone who believes in God but is wary of claiming to know everything about Him, someone who is terrified of fanaticism, but also fears that perhaps I tailor what I "believe" to fit what I want. I see someone who at the end of the day really, really just wants to do what I want to do, but who doesn't usually follow through on that.

I see someone who appears very open but actually just has a high "sharing" threshold.

I see someone who believes in love.
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Old 06-18-2006, 07:04 AM   #8
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Another question would be, what is the disconnect between how you see yourself and how others see you? We don't always know exactly how others see us, but sometimes from what the people in our lives tell us..

What do you do about that disconnect, if anything?
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Old 06-18-2006, 07:38 AM   #9
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I see exactly who I wanted to be 5 years ago, I got my wits about me, got pretty much all I need to have and got myself togeter by myself and I can hold up a decent enough conversation (my worst problem is that the internet and global telecommunications has wreaked havok upon my pronunciation so every once in a while I slip a horrible Americanism by accident- perhaps I should be practicing the recieved pronunciation).

Insofar as other people and how they may percieve me, I am a closet straight guy
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Old 06-18-2006, 07:49 AM   #10
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Some of these responses have been more eloquent and open than I would have hoped. So I'm now obligated to meet my own challenge.

When I look in the mirror, I still see the nineteen year old I feel like. Just with graying hair when I go too long without coloring it.
I've put on too much weight, so I feel shapeless, so I just look at my face and since I can control the angle I look at it, the face is OK. I try not to look at my body, but I know it's there. My eyes are too small, but they are dark against fair skin and they can charm you with mischief or wither you with one glance. You won't see much expression from the rest of my face, but you will in my eyes.

I exagerrate my physical flaws. I wanted to be objectively beautiful and I am not.

I exagerrate my intellectual capability. If I come up against a truly gifted person, oops, I'm not as smart as I thought I was. But since there are not really a whole ton of truly gifted people, I can remain smug that I can hold my own.

I will cop to not knowing a ton of things. I'm a minor jack of trades, but somebody can beat me with factual knowledge. I don't retain facts well. But I take them in and coalesce and the sum total will be pretty accurate. So people can challenge me with facts, but it will be harder to challenge me on my synthesis.
My perceptions are pretty dead on. But I'm patient and willing to sit back and wait to form my impressions. Unless I am in a mood to hold court, I sit back and listen. I ask a million questions and I'm not afraid to admit I don't know something.

While I'm not always self secure, I'm brimming with ego.

When I look in the mirror, I see a fair person (often fair to the point of my own detriment, so I am not objectively fair). I do not see a particularly compassionate person, unless you are in the circle of people I care about. I can't pretend to feel something I don't feel. I can be capable of being absolutely cold. But if I think someone is being treated unfairly, and I can do something about it, I will move in. But I'm not feeling their pain. I don't feel much of anything. I'm wonderful at detachment. I do not feel much guilt. If I've wronged someone, and I do often enough, I try to correct it. If I cannot correct it, I generally do not lose any sleep over it. I don't often look back. I also don't often repeat the same mistakes over and over.

I consider that this lack of emotion a failing in myself. And that is my prime concern of what I work on.

I'm basically honest, but I will lie if it suits my purposes. I try not to lie to myself.

I will not attack unprovoked. But if you cross a boundary of mine (and there is a lot you would have to do to cross a boundary) or of somebody I love, I will exact revenge if I can. I will be patient and if it takes years, so be it. I'm a good friend, but I'm not a good enemy to have.

I'm physically fearful and mentally fearless. I don't censor myself in thought at all. Anything is fair game.

I like the bizarre and the offbeat. I value anyone who can give me a different perspective on something. I have no interest in anyone who can argue only one side of an issue and presents only those facts.

I'm neither religious nor spiritual. I do not understand the value of ritual. But I can be superstitious and if you can convince me something works, I'll ritual all day. To me, it's just a matter of practicality, lol, and I'm practical. I'm not above calling out for some outside help, even if I feel it is only a desperate cry in the wilderness.

There may be something of the sociopath in me, but it is tempered by other things.
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Old 06-18-2006, 08:08 AM   #11
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Originally posted by BonosSaint

I exagerrate my physical flaws. I wanted to be objectively beautiful and I am not.
("meaningless" internet hug just cause I feel like it)

But beauty really is in and of itself objective, so how can anyone ever truly be objectively beautiful? Unfortunately we have to live in society and with society's insanely superficial and unrealistic standards.

I know it doesn't ever change how we truly feel about ourselves, but beauty ultimately is so meaningless-I have known /know so many people who are beautiful on the outside and so many other things are so ugly. They have no honest and objective self awareness either, honest self awareness is truly beautiful. It's easy to put on a good show, a beautiful physical and psychological front, but I find real honesty about oneself to be so beautiful. I'm a lil scared of the sociopath thing , but your brutal honesty about yourself is a very good thing.
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Old 06-18-2006, 08:38 AM   #12
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Thank you. I'm flattered.

They had a scenario question one time, and I immediately answered it like a sociopath would, lol. So I leave it within the frame of possibility. However, I'm not a psychopath.
I think it's healthy to recognize the sociopathic tendencies in one's self.

You posted an interesting question above. I want to think about it a little.
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Old 06-19-2006, 06:42 AM   #13
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God god, where do I start?

I'm a drama queen.
I whine and complain and bellyache each and every single day away.
I live in lalaland with stupid big dreams and stupid big daydreams. I cant even differentiate anymore between dreams and daydreams.
No one annoys me more than myself, and I continuously waste precious time getting annoyed at others.
I perfected the art of procrastination and have lost possibly days, maybe weeks, in total doing god only knows what.
I am too fat for my own good, and know objectively that I am not hugely obese simply because I feel I am (though I need to lose some). I battle many weight issues as I have done my entire life and they are simply another trait. They live with me.
My superficiality is enough to make anyone cringe, and yet I do know that I value the big picture second to the people in my life.
I'm quick to explode, but love to move on once it's said and done. I hate confrontation and dragging things on. Fogiving/forgetting and carrying on as before is my preferred way. Maybe it's laziness, but I dont usually hold grudges.
I believe in simple karma, and am getting more inclined toward the 'bigger' karma. Maybe that's spiritual, I dont know. I dont like labels.
Speaking of not liking, I would need a piece of paper as long as The Great Wall to list my gripes and peeves with the world. Yet even the simple good things make up for it. I do know that.
I 'collect' phobias and am almost even afraid of my own shadow. I am petrified of spiders, heights, and planes, but among that is the unseeable, like death, the dark, shadows, failing, other people's judgement, other people thinking I am stupid (infact this also makes me extremely angry )...etc.
Autistic-like frustration at what I know is in here, but I cant get it out.

Hello. My name is Anna, and I collect issues.
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Old 06-19-2006, 07:26 AM   #14
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I collect issues too Anna. My "gridges" are more like walls I put up against being hurt, the only real grudges I have are against the people who have truly hurt me so much that I fear I'll never recover from it. I have good ability to ignore and avoid people I don't really care for, in general I think I'm pretty nice and can get along with many different types of people-just certain types I have no interest in and no patience for.

I hope many more people willl respond to this thread. Interesting in general how women can so easily describe their self-perceived flaws.

I'd say the disconnect for me is that in general people tend to see me in a much more favorable light, physically and otherwise, than I see myself. I try to take that to heart but it's usually not possible.
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Old 06-19-2006, 04:06 PM   #15
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Looking in the mirror only causes me to work harder on who I am. I tend to see all the flaws, and have the added "bonus" of looking for my dad's flaws in me. In addition, I watch for and fear the Alzheimer’s that will inevitable come.

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