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Old 08-26-2001, 05:56 PM   #16
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Dear Pub Crawler;

The first thing you will and have noticed about me is my ability to contradict myself, but it is not without good reason.

Indeed it is true, I HAVE always been a protestor against marriage, always sermonising on how marriage destroys the female and glorifies the male, devastating their life together and turning into their promising life into mulch, in a way I still do. I have lost so much faith into marriage, simply because no one ever seems happy in it. What is it that Darryl Van Horne said in "THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK"? Something along the lines of 'marriage is a nasty word; I hate it. Good for the man but lousy for the woman; all you get in the end is a man complaining about how he's fucking a dead woman when he's the one who killed her!" Forgive the profanity, and forgive the fact that the quote is coming from a fictional character who's not only mysoginst but also the devil. That phrase does somewhat ring true to me. I have seen so many marriages fail, so many destroy REAL love and so many ruin people's lives. I have also seen it cause so much suffering when the two parties want to split and divorce scews the lives of their children... it just doesn't seem worth it and its also somethign really out of date. As you may have picked up, I am thoroughly anti-catholic (despite coming from a strictly catholic upbringing) and marriage is one of those things that fall under Catholicism for me, albeit Catholicism didnt invent marriage.

On the other hand, I do suggest that Bonochick consider a Civil wedding/marriage. Mainly because a) a civil marriage is so much less complicated, as it ignores the entire concept of religion and b)it is so much less OFFICIAL, if you know what I mean. Not that it is considered any less binding or valuable than any other marriage, but its a purely psychological thing. For some reason, the human brain finds it in itself to complicate the simplest of matters; the role of religion within the marital structure is of no exception. See how many debates and interests are festering at the mere hint of the word 'marriage'? Who gives a pair of rotted dingo's kidney's what church Bonochik uses, as long as she and her fiance are together in soul? Apparently, some people do, and God knows you can't satisfy everyone's demands and expectations. Its too much to ask for. That is why a CIVIL WEDDING would be the most logical option. It IS a marriage (and they DO want to get married, don't they? Who am I to judge their relationship at all... THAT is why I'm advising marriage altogether) but it isn't a relgious one. Therefore, it doesnt really contradict my argument, my aim is to get rid of religious intervention, get rid of that and just be happy with the concept of being together.


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Old 08-27-2001, 10:11 PM   #17
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Bonochick - first of all congratulations again!

*crzy had an Episcopal wedding - you know catholic light - all of the sin, none of the guilt lol - plenty of wine flowing there anyway*

I really have two suggestions for you:
1. You could go ahead and have the wedding in a baptist church - if it doesn't really matter to you, then the wedding could go ahead in the church (and a lot shorter than a catholic mass too! ) then adjourn to a country club or some other location for your reception, where you can drink and dance and do whatever else to your heart's content. (This is actually what we did for my wedding and it worked out great).

2. You could also get married somewhere other than a church (could be a civil service, or not). You can even arrange to have a priest and a minister from each religion there to satisfy both families. Could be a park, a beach, your college campus, whatever.

Good luck and just keep in mind - the only thing that matters about your wedding is that the two of you walk away from it married - all the rest is just dressing!


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Old 08-30-2001, 03:21 AM   #18
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Originally posted by Anthony:
Oh, and another thing. I see some talk about the upbringing of your children and their religion; the concept of religion corrupts the human mind in the end... it is always safe to keep your children free of such corruption (not that anyone who follows religion is corrupt... but religion causes more trouble than its really worth, you must agreee!)

I think it is very important to bring up your children so that they will love and honour God. You know, religion and faith is something completely different. Religion is manmade. But faith is something directly from God. It is a gift from God that he gave us.

Im also very surprised about what you have to say about marriage. Ive been married for 4 years now, and Im very happy. But marriage is always what YOU make of it. Its not the institution itself, but what YOU make out of it.

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Old 08-30-2001, 06:20 PM   #19
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Dear AM,

I am not a parent, and I have no proper views on how to raise a child, but I was always brought up to love and honour Man, not just a God in some heaven. Bernard Shaw once said "beware of the man who's God lives in the sky". The best way for children and people to honour God is to honour humanity everyday of their lives; not by attending church every Sunday or whatever your particular faith dictates. I am not saying that religion is completely negative, but you do not need religion, or faith for that matter, to raise a decent if not beautiful human being. God isn't in the heavens looking down upon us in judgement and expecting us to honour it, it (I refer to God as IT, since I hate it when people refer to it as HIM or HE, since when was it known that God had a gender?)exits in us all. The belief in God doesn't purely have to stem from 'faith'.

"Im also very surprised about what you have to say about marriage."

Surprised, but not offended I hope. I didn't mean to offend, merely to present another side, marriage hasn't worked for everyone.
Marriage is indeed what you make of it, and most people know that (though, ofcourse, some do not), however, I am still of the belief that Love doesn't have to be so 'labelled'. As long as the love between the two people is recognised by them, who cares what anybody else recognises? People refer to marriage as the 'union before God', thats complete nonsense. As I stated before, God doesn't live in a Church, at least, mine doesn't. I am happy that you are happy in your marriage, but it still doesnt' remove the fact that I have seen tradition corrupt many lives, marriage falls under tradition for me.


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