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Old 04-04-2002, 02:23 AM   #16
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Z edge clearly you are not opposed to anyone's sexual preference. And like you point out, it is a bit of a rare occurance when it is put in the ratio of hetero men hitting on hetero women. I dont really see it as any different due to the sexuality that the individual has, like you ie gay straight. Its a horrible thing that we sometimes have to deal with and the gender of choice makes it no easier.

I guess the point I'm wondering about is like you said, you were made to feel like this in your own home. The guy sitting on your chouch could have easily swapped the "I am gay" line for "I have a gun in my back pocket". Its so unfortunate that we get into situations where our personal space in invaded. What is also unfortunate is when we cant speak up about it. Situations like this can lead to 2 things. People might brand you Z Edge as a homophobe. We all know that isn't the case. And it can also work the other way where people jump to the conclusion that gay men practice this often. Again, not the case. Anyway, like melon said, it works the same way for any gender and sexual preference. I hope you dont stay bothered for too long matie. We can be unwittingly meeting freaks on any street corner or at the gas station when we fill up. We never know who we could be trusting into our homes.
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Old 04-04-2002, 05:49 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by z edge:
No, I didn't mean that either. What I meant was, that they can get away with it more than a straight guy harassing a woman could. My reasoning was because it would go unreported and if it was it would probably just go unpunished, both for the reason of guilt and embarassment.

I believe if a guy were to pull this crap on a woman in her house, she could have him thrown in jail and he'd be in big trouble.
I can understand what you're saying, people are most likely to be unwilling to report being harassed by a lesbian or gay person of the same sex as they. And that does often happen because the person who experiences it feels ashamed or wrongly believes they could have done something to prevent it. However, a woman being harassed by a man is just as likely to feel those misplaced feelings of guilt or shame. Society has stereotypes about that too - he's "just being a normal guy" or "look at the way she dresses!" "she was asking for it" etc.

This isn't meant as a criticism, but I think you overestimate the seriousness with which men sexually harassing women is treated. At my first job one of my employers used to make suggestive comments to me all the time, he'd try to get me alone so he could elaborate on them or try other things. I didn't tell anyone because I assumed I wouldn't be believed or I thought I must have done something to give him the idea I was interested in him. After I left the job I found out that he'd done the same thing to another woman who worked there and she'd left the job after a few months because she was so afraid of him yet didn't feel able to tell anyone. Many people knew about his behaviour and yet he was never confronted about it. People still have those underlying assumptions that it's just something men do, or that the woman has done something to deserve it. Someone I know went to the police to report that her boyfriend had raped her - their response was that while they had to investigate if she wanted them to, they thought it was pointless because she'd slept with him willingly before and there was no way to prove she'd been raped. I guess by that logic if you've given money away before then it's okay if someone robs you.

None of this is meant to undermine what you said or say that the way that man behaved towards you was acceptable. I agree that there are many reasons for such behaviour to go unpunished but I believe there are just as many reasons for similar behaviour by a man against a woman to go unreported and unpunished.

*Fizz
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Old 04-04-2002, 07:27 AM   #18
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Lilly, if you're going to continue to post in this thread, you probably should change your sig...
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Old 04-04-2002, 09:04 AM   #19
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I've been harassed by a male and a female, both at work, and both instances bugged the crap outta me.
Once, when I worked at a movie theater, one of my co-workers pinched my butt, with customers around. She was an attractive girl, so I guess she thought I'd think it was "cute" or "funny", but I didn't. Not at all. It was embarassing as all get out. And I let her know about it after the customers cleared out.
Then, when I worked at a restaraunt, one of the male dishwashers pinched my butt when I was in the back. No customers were around, so I told him about it right then when it happened.
I have never harassed male or female in my life. But I do know how women feel now. It's repulsive, no matter who does it to you.
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Old 04-04-2002, 09:06 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by z edge:I believe if a guy were to pull this crap on a woman in her house, she could have him thrown in jail and he'd be in big trouble.
Women have learned by and large that you are not safe, even in your own home, if someone wants to get to you. A woman would have never ever invited a stanger into her home under those circumstances. A lesson learned after decades of attacks. Unfortunatley, you had that same lesson taught first hand.

[This message has been edited by YellowKite (edited 04-04-2002).]

[This message has been edited by YellowKite (edited 04-04-2002).]
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Old 04-04-2002, 10:05 AM   #21
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z- sorry to hear this happened, dude. I think it's important to recognize that this is significantly different than being hit on at on the street or at a bar or something. This was you and one other person in your home, and this guy was getting explicit. That is a really freaky situation. And you're right that this does happen to other guys. Two of my good friends have found themselves in very similar situations. One friend it happened at his own apartment, almost the exact situation you were in. The other was a friend who had gone to another guys place, he thought just to hang out. This guy had other ideas. It really freaked him out and he didn't tell me about it til 2 years later. Anyway, it sucks that this stuff happens to men and women. Unfortunately, it seems like this kind of thing, happening to men or women, goes unpunished most of the time. If something like this happened at work, something could probably be done about it. But in someone's home, if it's only words that are exchanged, I think nothing gets done about it, regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of the offender.
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Old 04-04-2002, 11:55 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by z edge:
[B
1. If a guy like me were to do the same thing to a girl (tell her I want her to strip for me and give her oral pleasure) under these same circumstances then I would be in fucking jail and probably be facing criminal charges or daddy's shotgun or something.
[/B]
This is not true at all, my friend. As Fizzing said, "I think you overestimate the seriousness with which men sexually harassing women is treated." Rarely would anyone face charges for aggressively hitting on anyone else. Rape is not even taken seriously in this country, let alone hitting on somebody. According to the 2000 National Crime Victimization Survey, Bureau of Justice Statistics, only 1 in 20 actual rapists will ever spend a day in jail. The other 19 are back on the streets.

I am sorry this happened to you and you have a right to feel violated. But I also agree with Melon and the others...this happens to women everyday. One in six women (about 17.7 million women) in this country are sexually assaulted at some time in their life. The stat for men is about 3% (2.78 million men). Very, very little is done about it.

I have never, ever been hit on by a woman in my entire life though I have as many lesbian friends as straight friends--maybe more even--whereas I am hit on or verbally assaulted almost everyday by a man.
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Old 04-04-2002, 12:00 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by Spiral_Staircase:
z- sorry to hear this happened, dude. I think it's important to recognize that this is significantly different than being hit on at on the street or at a bar or something. This was you and one other person in your home, and this guy was getting explicit.
Four out of ten sexual assaults take place in the victim's home. Approximately 62% of female victims know their assailant. I don't know what the stats are for men, but the point being, most sexual assaults happen at home with someone you know.
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Old 04-04-2002, 12:30 PM   #24
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joyfulgirl, I hope you didn't think I was trying to say that this situation was unique because it happened in his home. I was just trying to make the point that this situation would likely have a bigger effect on someone than a situation where you're hit on by someone passing you on the street or at a party or bar. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but that's what I was trying to say.
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Old 04-04-2002, 12:37 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Spiral_Staircase:
joyfulgirl, I hope you didn't think I was trying to say that this situation was unique because it happened in his home. I was just trying to make the point that this situation would likely have a bigger effect on someone than a situation where you're hit on by someone passing you on the street or at a party or bar. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but that's what I was trying to say.
Yes, I understand and I agree with you--I wasn't criticizing your post at all, just pointing out that, in fact, most sexual assaults do occur in one's home, for whatever that's worth here. I just find it interesting, I guess, when I see a statistic validated, although I wish all the sexual assault stats were wrong because they are so depressing.

[edit] I also want to add that I'm not saying that z edge was sexually assaulted according to whatever the legal definition of that is, but he felt violated and that's why I'm using sexual assault stats--because we don't really have stats for what happened to z edge, but what we do have demonstrates that there is something terribly wrong in this country regarding sexuality, sex crimes, how sex crimes are treated, etc.[/edit]

[This message has been edited by joyfulgirl (edited 04-04-2002).]
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Old 04-04-2002, 12:44 PM   #26
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Z Edge-
I love you like a brother but this is a tiny bit funny.
Be good.
Next time try not to look so sexy for a freak-jk.

Diamond
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Old 04-04-2002, 01:00 PM   #27
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Originally posted by U2Bama:
No means no.
I like short replies like this one


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Old 04-04-2002, 01:18 PM   #28
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Normally I would just ignore what you said Diamond-but there is nothing remotely 'funny' about this.

I figured sooner or later someone would make a comment like that. Sorry, but your attempt at 'humor' is not, in my opinion, appropriate.
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Old 04-04-2002, 02:35 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl:
Yes, I understand and I agree with you--I wasn't criticizing your post at all, just pointing out that, in fact, most sexual assaults do occur in one's home, for whatever that's worth here. I just find it interesting, I guess, when I see a statistic validated, although I wish all the sexual assault stats were wrong because they are so depressing.

[edit] I also want to add that I'm not saying that z edge was sexually assaulted according to whatever the legal definition of that is, but he felt violated and that's why I'm using sexual assault stats--because we don't really have stats for what happened to z edge, but what we do have demonstrates that there is something terribly wrong in this country regarding sexuality, sex crimes, how sex crimes are treated, etc.[/edit]

[This message has been edited by joyfulgirl (edited 04-04-2002).]
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Old 04-04-2002, 02:40 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by Diamond The U2 Patriot:
Ive silently said to myself precisely what Melon said re-(overly aggresive men hitting on women to a fault)..
"Oh so this is how it must feel to be an attractive woman,".-bearing in mind that they get hit on 20 times a week and us not to often and very very inoften by a clueless gay man.
I just wanted to clarify this is not true at all. A woman being attractive makes NO difference to the amount they recieve unwanted attention. Being a woman is enough reason to be hit on by any drunk or obnoxious boy/man who thinks he was born with a pass in his hand that lets him get away with shit, doesn't matter what you're wearing, how tall short you are, what your bra shoe shirt skirt size is.

z edge- sorry this happened to you. What an uncomfortable, unnecessary, and unacceptable position for him to put you in. The fact that things like this go unchallenged gives these people more confidence/assertion to do it again. You handled it well- telling him straight out you were NOT comfortable with this, and it was NOT acceptable to you, which is what anyone should do.


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