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Old 12-10-2001, 04:12 AM   #16
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Suicide hits home for me. Its something that is hard to make people understand if they have never been in such a state of mind. I have people ask me.. "Why would anyone kill themselves?" "God gave you life its up for him to take it away" "How bad can it be that it leads to suicide?"


I don't know.. I used to think that it was up to us to make that choice, if we wanted to live or die. After all no one asked us if we wanted to be born right? That was my mentality when I was at my worse and darkest point of my life. I really didn't care. Life had gotten to real to even intent to heal. I came very close to it. And had it not been for my best friend who changed my life, god knows where I would be right now. Dead probably.

It was weird, because he saved me. He made me see the happier things in life, how much I was worth, what a good person I was, and most of all how much life I still had to live. And my life just changed. I started seeing things in a different light. I was coming out of this darkness... and for once I was able to see the positive things in life. I was begining to like myself as a person and enjoy life. And then I kept thinking, no matter how hard life gets YOU CAN some how hold on to something positive. There is something to live for. Even if the only reason you have is that the sun will rise in the morning that is reason enough.

But a year ago, that all changed.... something that even today I still can't understand and it still haunts me and the guilt is still there.. my best friend who SAVED me and made me see how wonderful life was killed himself. I don't get it. I still can't get over it. How could he do this. But why couldn't I see it coming. Because he too could have seen the light. But I can't judge him, or call him selfish, only he knew how bad it was. And I have been there and I know how bad it can get. I just wish I cold have done something to help him

I dunno, those are my expriences with suicide.


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[This message has been edited by SweetOnU2 (edited 12-10-2001).]
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Old 12-10-2001, 05:19 AM   #17
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what really sad is that self-suicide is actually illegal in a lot of places, so if you happen to survive it, then you get classified as a criminal!
i guess you really would be hitting people where it hurts the most if you commit suicide. their wallet.
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Old 12-10-2001, 07:58 AM   #18
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SweetOnU2, what a terrible thing that must have been for you. I hope it will all come to make sense to you some day.

For myself, I'm glad that the option is there, but I don't think I would use it, at least not as long as my parents are alive, because I couldn't do that to them. I would rather live and be miserable than be dead and having made them miserable.
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Old 12-18-2001, 04:14 PM   #19
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Last year, I was in a constant dark depression, and to tell you people the truth, last summer I nearly 'made it', but "something" (could be a God if it exist, could be a feeling, I don't know) stoped me... when I was actually in the "physical" process of "going away". I don't know whatever happened to me at that time, but the things I remember about this day, was that it was the culminant point of a year (or a year and a half) of constant depression. During this day, I remember that I didn't thought I was "there". I was feeling very weird, as if my body was there, but my soul was sick, so sick I couldn't even think rationally. And right up after that, I felt joy and I was optimistic. It took let's say 2 weeks after my "missed" or "cancelled" action to overcome this terrible depression and to finnaly feel sincerely good about something (like I was smilling and laughing cos that was the mood I was in, not to make people happy and to hide my fears, depression and constant suicide thoughts). I'm still trying to figure out how a year ago I was in fucking madness. In the last month I lost my dog I had since I was a kid, my uncle is very very sick , a grandmother nearly passed away, but... I'm still optimistic, I constantly say to myself "this is a part of life and I shall do everything I can to help those people and the others in trouble". But if that thing would have happened a year ago, I wouldn't be able to tell you now cos I would simply be gone. Is it faith ? I don't know. I've got a weird perspective of a God, I cannot say if I believe in it or not. I think I believe in a force or something like that, though I believe in the spirits. Is it that that saved me ? I don't know. Is it myself ? I don't know either. Do I constantly rely on a God since that day ? Certainly not, but since that ay (more or so), I really feel the presence of something else I could call a spirit or a feeling.

Also, during my year of depression, a friend of mine comitted suicide. It was last winter and I think I told this story to some folks here, i.e.: Bonovista or something... I never, never never thought that it was a treason against me, his familly never felt sad "cos he hurted us". It was his action, his perspective, his decision. I'm sure he now guides his familly and friends. Is it him who helped me when I was physically doing "my departure" ? I don't know. Maybe. He maybe knew better than me what I could do. I don't feel sad about what he did. I did all I could to help him, but it was his decision and I accept it because I know how muc courage it took for him to do so. I know he asked himself the question before leaving : 'shall I live unhappily for the one I love or shall I live happily and maybe, if there's something else, be more usefull than here ?' Sometimes I think of him, I imagine what he would do if he was still here. He's out there, somewhere, with his guitar and his long hair, jamming with some rockers, smoking his spliffs and his little cigars and enjoying life more than he would do here.

I never felt that he bashed me or his familly or his others friends.

Suicide is not only made of black and white.

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Old 12-18-2001, 05:58 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by Anthony:
I don't think its selfish at all, but it is very, very stupid.

Ant.

I think its very, very selfish.

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Old 12-18-2001, 06:47 PM   #21
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It's so easy to say it is selfish act. If you have never gone through depression ( and I have) you have no idea what it is like. Yes depression is a chemical imbalance, and if it gets so bad you just want out. And yes I got help thanks to medication and counseling. I would not wish it on anyone.
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Old 12-18-2001, 07:15 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by TheU2:

I think its very, very selfish.

CK
then you are very, very selfish yourself because you are not thinking of the suicidal person's feelings, but of your own feelings of loss and self pity for having "lost a friend/mate/relative etc)".
to take your own possessions is certainly not selfish.
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Old 12-18-2001, 09:29 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by CannibalisticArtist:

then you are very, very selfish yourself because you are not thinking of the suicidal person's feelings, but of your own feelings of loss and self pity for having "lost a friend/mate/relative etc)".
to take your own possessions is certainly not selfish.
Their feelings? Fuck their feelings....they are dead.

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[This message has been edited by TheU2 (edited 12-18-2001).]
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Old 12-18-2001, 09:50 PM   #24
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i meant before they die obviously.
you know improperly labelling them selfish would only make them that bit more suicidal.

[This message has been edited by CannibalisticArtist (edited 12-18-2001).]
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Old 12-18-2001, 09:54 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by CannibalisticArtist:
i meant before they die obviously.
you know improperly labelling them selfish would only make them that bit more suicidal.

[This message has been edited by CannibalisticArtist (edited 12-18-2001).]

I didn't label suicidal people selfish. Just people who actually did it.
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Old 12-18-2001, 10:27 PM   #26
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if i had a courage , i 'd probably did it , but the main thing is : my other active-live part is fighting and winning ( step by step ) , i can't do this right now , cause a lot of bad feelings will be in my parents , relatives , friends , and other people who knows me::::;; minds ;;;;;;
and i got good waves from others
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Old 12-18-2001, 10:59 PM   #27
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Its selfish, yes, but does selfish is necessarily a bad thing ? Its the most personnal decision of a person. This world is fucked-up. You can kill someone (i.e.: legal guns), but you cannot decide to kill yourself cos it's selfish. It's the most personnal decision of a 'normal' person ('normal' i.e.: in a occidental way, I don't know about the other cultures).

Is it selfish ? Yes. Is it selfish in a bad way ? Not always... its a minority.
I never felt the act of my friend did was selfish just to say "fuck you" to all of his familly, friends and her lover. It was a selfish act, cos otherwize he would have drown the world. It's certainly not stupid. I refuse to admit that suicide is stupid.

Cheers

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"I am the last man. Against all, I shall defend myself..."
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Old 12-18-2001, 11:03 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by Holy John:
Its selfish, yes, but does selfish is necessarily a bad thing ? Its the most personnal decision of a person. This world is fucked-up. You can kill someone (i.e.: legal guns), but you cannot decide to kill yourself cos it's selfish. It's the most personnal decision of a 'normal' person ('normal' i.e.: in a occidental way, I don't know about the other cultures).

Is it selfish ? Yes. Is it selfish in a bad way ? Not always... its a minority.
I never felt the act of my friend did was selfish just to say "fuck you" to all of his familly, friends and her lover. It was a selfish act, cos otherwize he would have drown the world. It's certainly not stupid. I refuse to admit that suicide is stupid.

Cheers


I disagree. Suicide is stupid.
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Old 12-18-2001, 11:07 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally posted by TheU2:

I didn't label suicidal people selfish. Just people who actually did it.
it's a lost cause with you, but that's ok, it's your opinion.
i suppose going into battle knowing that you probably would die could be also considered suicide, how do you think the families of the army feel about their loved ones going into battle? are they(the soldiers who died) selfish too, because they GAVE their life away for their country and what they stood for? oh but they TOOk their live away form their loved ones(friends and family)
it's a complicated situation, you cannot put it in nice neat catgeory.

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Old 12-18-2001, 11:11 PM   #30
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can you enlighten us TheU2, on why you think suicide is "stupid" and "selfish"? and please use some new arguments, because quite frankly, i've heard them all
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