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Old 02-12-2008, 08:19 PM   #1
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Killer Kandy! It's Time for Government Control

America is under attack by a brutal industry that peddles death for profit to the American people. Every day nearly 2,400 Americans are cut down by heart disease, nearly one every 34 seconds, creating the largest and most likely cause of death in America.

Backed by addicted fanatics and corporate tycoons this industry targets not only consenting adults, but children as well, with $5 billion spent on Halloween alone. To solve this cycle of violence and fear I propose several steps:

1) A seven day waiting period on all candy purchases. This is to prevent emotion filled binge buying, allowing a person to settle down and reflect on what they are about to do to their body.

2) Back ground check to make sure they are healthy enough to eat the candy. Giving candy to an unhealthy person puts their life and the lives of others around them in jeopardy, and is not only unethical but should be illegal.

3) Ban high capacity candy containers. Why does someone need to have upwards of sixteen mints and/or Life Savers? These products only encourage dangerous eating behavior and no rational person has any use for them.

4) Outlaw the manufacturing, sale, and possession of certain candies that are so bad for you that they lack any reasonable nutritional value. These candies have only one purpose, to inflict bodily harm on those who eat them.
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:23 PM   #2
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Lawl, like gun control except with candy AM I RITE????



u r so conservative and awesom!!!!
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:30 PM   #3
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Arguments against statism will always get a fair hearing from me.
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:36 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by financeguy
Arguments against statism will always get a fair hearing from me.
I prefer when such arguments are not presented to me as if I were a kindergartner.
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:40 PM   #5
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Originally posted by Canadiens1160
Lawl, like gun control except with candy AM I RITE????
I like to "share" with high-powered assault candy. No one will get my PEZ!
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:44 PM   #6
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I like to "share" with high-powered assault candy. No one will get my PEZ!
PEZ is a personal liberty. RON PAUL 08!!!!
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:56 PM   #7
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Re: Killer Kandy! It's Time for Government Control

Quote:
Originally posted by the iron horse
America is under attack by a brutal industry that peddles death for profit to the American people. Every day nearly 2,400 Americans are cut down by heart disease, nearly one every 34 seconds, creating the largest and most likely cause of death in America.

Backed by addicted fanatics and corporate tycoons this industry targets not only consenting adults, but children as well, with $5 billion spent on Halloween alone. To solve this cycle of violence and fear I propose several steps:

1) A seven day waiting period on all candy purchases. This is to prevent emotion filled binge buying, allowing a person to settle down and reflect on what they are about to do to their body.

2) Back ground check to make sure they are healthy enough to eat the candy. Giving candy to an unhealthy person puts their life and the lives of others around them in jeopardy, and is not only unethical but should be illegal.

3) Ban high capacity candy containers. Why does someone need to have upwards of sixteen mints and/or Life Savers? These products only encourage dangerous eating behavior and no rational person has any use for them.

4) Outlaw the manufacturing, sale, and possession of certain candies that are so bad for you that they lack any reasonable nutritional value. These candies have only one purpose, to inflict bodily harm on those who eat them.
Word.

I had this friend one time who got mad because he thought some guys were messing with his girlfriend. He drove over to the house where she was at where a party was going on and pulled out a big old bag of Snickers. Good thing his dad showed up just then, grabbed the bag of Snickers, and wrestled him into his car. Otherwise all those partygoers woulda started eating and it would have been all over, know what I mean. That's why I fully support the restrictions on candy you've described. All it takes is one careless moment, a ho-ho offered in a moment of rage, and some one's life is OVER.



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Old 02-12-2008, 08:57 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by financeguy
Arguments against statism will always get a fair hearing from me.
Even rebuking the argument is as easy as. . .well, taking candy from a baby?
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Old 02-12-2008, 09:15 PM   #9
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Re: Re: Killer Kandy! It's Time for Government Control

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Originally posted by maycocksean


All it takes is one careless moment, a ho-ho offered in a moment of rage,

Where I come from, you do not mess with another pimp, I mean, person's ho-ho. Not unless you want to get cut down by a wad of Big League Chew.
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Old 02-12-2008, 10:18 PM   #10
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Wow, this is such a strong argument. Seamless...

You couldn't even argue that candy is just a "tool".







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Old 02-12-2008, 10:33 PM   #11
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Re: Killer Kandy! It's Time for Government Control

Quote:
Originally posted by the iron horse


1) A seven day waiting period on all candy purchases. This is to prevent emotion filled binge buying, allowing a person to settle down and reflect on what they are about to do to their body.



hmmm, ponders how long it would take to make the rounds of all the shops so that supply never runs out. This means I'm gonna have to get a fake ID or get someone else to buy my candy.
It's my civil right to have candy dammit
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Old 02-13-2008, 11:06 AM   #12
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I'll give up my Wintergreen Life Savers when they pry them from my cold dead hands
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Old 02-13-2008, 11:47 AM   #13
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If it wasn't for Green M&Ms I'd still be a virgin.
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Old 02-13-2008, 02:03 PM   #14
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Re: Killer Kandy! It's Time for Government Control

Quote:
Originally posted by the iron horse
America is under attack by a brutal industry that peddles death for profit to the American people. Every day nearly 2,400 Americans are cut down by heart disease, nearly one every 34 seconds, creating the largest and most likely cause of death in America.

Backed by addicted fanatics and corporate tycoons this industry targets not only consenting adults, but children as well, with $5 billion spent on Halloween alone. To solve this cycle of violence and fear I propose several steps:

1) A seven day waiting period on all candy purchases. This is to prevent emotion filled binge buying, allowing a person to settle down and reflect on what they are about to do to their body.

2) Back ground check to make sure they are healthy enough to eat the candy. Giving candy to an unhealthy person puts their life and the lives of others around them in jeopardy, and is not only unethical but should be illegal.

3) Ban high capacity candy containers. Why does someone need to have upwards of sixteen mints and/or Life Savers? These products only encourage dangerous eating behavior and no rational person has any use for them.

4) Outlaw the manufacturing, sale, and possession of certain candies that are so bad for you that they lack any reasonable nutritional value. These candies have only one purpose, to inflict bodily harm on those who eat them.
are you serious?

here's an idea. if you don't want the candy, leave it on the fucking shelve.
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Old 02-13-2008, 02:38 PM   #15
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it's not candy that kills, it's transfats.

sheesh.
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