Do you ever grieve over things you've done in the past? - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind > Free Your Mind Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 10-13-2006, 01:08 AM   #1
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
80sU2isBest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,970
Local Time: 02:43 PM
Do you ever grieve over things you've done in the past?

Think about a time in your past, whether recent or distant, in which you did things or behaved in such a way that you are ashamed of yourself. Now, do you ever stop and think about that time period and grieve that you wasted that time being that way?

When I was 22 and 23, I made some very costly mistakes and sinned some big sins. The ramifications of my actions were enormous. I screwed up royally. I was such a weak blob of jelly back then, and that is what contributed to most of my behavior.

Sometimes I look back to that time 17 years ago with deep regret and sorrow. I know I'm forgiven, but it still gets to me. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, oooweeeee, it gets me.
__________________

__________________
80sU2isBest is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 01:17 AM   #2
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: London/Sydney
Posts: 6,608
Local Time: 08:43 PM
Unfortunately, don't have to look too far. The last 48hrs have been rather rough.
__________________

__________________
Earnie Shavers is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 01:20 AM   #3
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
redhotswami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Waiting for this madness to end.
Posts: 5,846
Local Time: 02:43 PM
Usually ever night, before bed, I tend to think of how I would've done things differently. Not a happy way to end the day, as I usually end up slapping my forehead many times.

Even scarier is during the day, I could be doing whatever activity, and then randomly something I'm ashamed of in the past (which is usually completely unrelated to the activity I was doing at the time) will pop up and trouble me.

I guess I have a hard time of letting things go. I tend to pick at scabs, both emotional and physical.
__________________
redhotswami is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 02:15 AM   #4
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
U2DMfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: It's Inside A Black Hole
Posts: 6,637
Local Time: 01:43 PM
My answer would be at least every 24 hours or so.
__________________
U2DMfan is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 05:40 AM   #5
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
BonosSaint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,566
Local Time: 03:43 PM
A handful of things when it is somebody I care about and different actions of mine could have had different consequences.
When I could have been more caring. So there are some things that haunt me.

Other than that a few uncomfortable twinges now and again. I don't dwell on the past very much. It took a long time to work out my guilt feelings. I monitor my behavior so I'm aware of it and its consequences and I will try to undo any damage I've done. But on a whole, I don't find guilt very productive except as a learning tool. Other than some character flaws, I don't carry any shame or guilt for anything I did that didn't harm anybody else.

I'm usually sorrier for the things I haven't done than the things I have.
__________________
BonosSaint is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 07:44 AM   #6
War Child
 
najeena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: an island paradise
Posts: 995
Local Time: 07:43 PM
Sure, those that don't are either blessed or cursed, I'm not sure which. Ideally we should be mindful of the lessons of the past while letting go of the particulars. But who can?
__________________
najeena is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 08:11 AM   #7
The Fly
 
OceanGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 256
Local Time: 05:13 AM
Quote:
Usually ever night, before bed, I tend to think of how I would've done things differently. Not a happy way to end the day, as I usually end up slapping my forehead many times.

Even scarier is during the day, I could be doing whatever activity, and then randomly something I'm ashamed of in the past (which is usually completely unrelated to the activity I was doing at the time) will pop up and trouble me.
I can totally relate to this. I do exactly the same thing! It's awful, isn't it?
__________________
OceanGirl is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 08:29 AM   #8
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,974
Local Time: 02:43 PM
Yes, but the best thing to do is to turn that grief and regret into something positive-learn from mistakes and become a better person because of them. The only reason to truly grieve is if you are completely lacking in self-awareness and haven't learned anything from mistakes. And when we hurt others, we should do our best to make amends.
__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 10:24 AM   #9
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
80sU2isBest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,970
Local Time: 02:43 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by redhotswami

Even scarier is during the day, I could be doing whatever activity, and then randomly something I'm ashamed of in the past (which is usually completely unrelated to the activity I was doing at the time) will pop up and trouble me.
Same thing happens to me, but it's always this one issue.
__________________
80sU2isBest is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 10:34 AM   #10
Blue Crack Supplier
 
Irvine511's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 30,471
Local Time: 02:43 PM
you know what's weird? the big mistakes i've made in my life, i don't grieve over. i also tend to agonize over every major decision, and thoroughly think things through, so that when all is said and done, even if it turns out to have been the wrong decision, i know exactly why i made that decision and can point to specific rationale as justification.

however, it's the little things that i agonize over. a thoughtless comment, some social malapropism, unwitting rudeness, or thinking back to childhood when perhaps you did things out of fear of social ostracism that you now regret. it's all emotional stuff that kills me, not the life decisions that seem to have more to do with intellect and reason.

but that's just me.



but, yes, i do know the agony, and i do know the sleepless nights wishing you could go back and change things. and sometimes you can. you can apologize, but more importantly, you can atone.

80s, have you ever read Atonement by Ian McEwen?

it was, hands down, one of the very best books i've read in the past 5 years, and it gets at much of what you're talking about. it's gorgeously written, i actually cried at the end of it, and it's important to note that the title of the book isn't Apology but Atonement.

i found it an astonishing read.
__________________
Irvine511 is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 11:00 AM   #11
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
80sU2isBest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,970
Local Time: 02:43 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511
however, it's the little things that i agonize over. a thoughtless comment, some social malapropism, unwitting rudeness, or thinking back to childhood when perhaps you did things out of fear of social ostracism that you now regret.
I can relate to that, also. When I was a child I yelled at someone "you're ugly". I regret that to this day.


Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511
but, yes, i do know the agony, and i do know the sleepless nights wishing you could go back and change things. and sometimes you can. you can apologize, but more importantly, you can atone.
The situation I was involved in was very complicated. The main other party initially did hurtful things to me, but I am every bit as much to blame as her, because were it not for my own weakness and immaturity, I never would have been in the situation in the first place. And once I was in the situation, my own weakness, stupidity, selfishness and immaturity had me responding in ways that amplified the horrible ramifications. Things got so much worse.

She hated my guts at one point, and probably still does. I don't even know where this person lives anymore. I definitely don't want her back in my life, either. But I hope she has changed, as I have, and realizes that I never intended to hurt anyone.

The other main person involved in all of this passed on and is now with God. I know that person would forgive me.

But more people were hurt by this thing. As for them, time has healed those wounds and all is forgiven.

Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511

80s, have you ever read Atonement by Ian McEwen?

it was, hands down, one of the very best books i've read in the past 5 years, and it gets at much of what you're talking about. it's gorgeously written, i actually cried at the end of it, and it's important to note that the title of the book isn't Apology but Atonement.

i found it an astonishing read.
I have never heard of it, but it certainly sounds good, from the review I read. I may go check it out. Thanks for the recommendation.

On a personal note, I just wanted to say that I am much happier with FYM this time around than I was before I left. I think most of that is because you and I aren't having a war. I like these kinds of conversations better.
__________________
80sU2isBest is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 11:08 AM   #12
Refugee
 
fly so high!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: St Andrews NSW Australia
Posts: 1,835
Local Time: 05:43 AM
I don't think i would say grieve...but i definately look back on certain things and i blush or get angry at myself....but this is something everyone does, i would'nt beat myself up about it
__________________
fly so high! is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 11:16 AM   #13
The Fly
 
Illumination70's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Eastern, WA.
Posts: 271
Local Time: 07:43 PM
You bet I mourn the past because socalled adults who tend to hold mistakes over one's head and never let the individual forget about it.
__________________
Illumination70 is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 11:28 AM   #14
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Justin24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Mateo
Posts: 6,716
Local Time: 12:43 PM
I regret the thought of Killing my self a few years ago. And before that when I was 14 years old.
__________________
Justin24 is offline  
Old 10-13-2006, 11:40 AM   #15
Blue Crack Addict
 
Liesje's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the dog house
Posts: 19,557
Local Time: 02:43 PM
I'm not ashamed of my past, per se, because what's missing was sort of out of my control, but yes there is one thing I regret every single day of my life. I love gymnastics more than anything (well, not certain people, but you know what I mean). I miss training like I did in high school and everyday I wish I could've got off to a better start because I would've gone so much farther. My parents could never afford for us to play sports unless it was free at the rec department so I didn't start until I could pay for my own classes. I know it sounds dumb, but everyday I miss tumbling and even miss the torn skin and bloody hands against the bars, falling on my ass, doing 500 sit-ups...... For years it was all I cared about because it's so easy to love a sport because it can never hurt you or be dishonest, it's just YOU and your own weak mind and weak self. Since college, I've entered reality and have better relationships, but shit I would probably go back if I could...I miss being able to FLY!
__________________

__________________
Liesje is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:43 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com