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Old 03-15-2005, 08:32 PM   #91
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Thank you for answering crusader
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Old 03-15-2005, 08:53 PM   #92
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Originally posted by nbcrusader


Wow! The million dollar question.

I'd say a spouse is a partner, lover and friend. Think of the three aspects of love - eros, philia and agape. That is erotic love, brotherly love and sacrificial love. If all three are present, I'd say you are in good shape.

Mmm, yeah.

I know what you are talking about, but is there a way you could elaborate, or like some sort of book or something where I could learn more about those terms?


I don't mean to make it sound mechanical, "those terms", but this really is a topic that facinates me. I think it's because it's probably one of the most vaulable or rare kind of thing, and I really want it, and hopefully if I know a little bit about it, and have a lot of luck, I can come close to it some day.

I know someone who admits to some sort of "brotherly love", and defininte erotic love, but sacrificial..... that sounds most intriguing. But something that would explain all three would be most helpful.

I think I personally have all three down in one case, but in my heart, what I know will drive me is my desire to learn and deal with changes and do all the things to make it work. I don't know everything, I don't know anything, really, but I have the desire to learn along the way. I'm not afraid to be in love anymore, and I think that was a big step for me.





NBC (not the TV station, but the man), I really think it's great that you take the time to do a thread like this. I really appreciate it, and I know a lot of people repsect your words.

many thanks.
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Old 03-15-2005, 08:57 PM   #93
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PS: if you wanted to go into a field of study that included love or something like that, what would it be?

does anyone know?


Maybe I should become a ..... love doctor?
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Old 03-15-2005, 09:05 PM   #94
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Maybe I should become a ..... love doctor?


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Old 03-16-2005, 05:16 AM   #95
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader


I agree with you.

Going to sleep angry = wake up tired, grumpy and angry

Going to sleep after you work it out = wake up tired (and perhaps relaxed if you really worked it out )


I think sometimes people go to sleep angry as a "negotiating move" (i.e., the cold shoulder) with the idea that maybe the other person will just give in on the point. Same thing with "storming out of the house". It may make one feel better for the moment, but doesn't resolve anything and perhaps makes it worse.
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Old 03-16-2005, 07:54 AM   #96
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader


I agree with you.

Going to sleep angry = wake up tired, grumpy and angry

Going to sleep after you work it out = wake up tired (and perhaps relaxed if you really worked it out )


I think sometimes people go to sleep angry as a "negotiating move" (i.e., the cold shoulder) with the idea that maybe the other person will just give in on the point. Same thing with "storming out of the house". It may make one feel better for the moment, but doesn't resolve anything and perhaps makes it worse.
This strategy wouldn't work for my upcoming "madhouse." The more I "reason", the more bent out of shape it gets. I guess my method is ignoring each other until we're ready to talk. However, I'd refuse to sleep on the couch.
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Old 03-16-2005, 09:14 AM   #97
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See, for me, there is nothing worse than trying to fall asleep with something that major hanging in the air. I have a hard time sleeping when I'm stressed out, and so I believe in having it out until both sides can come to a resolution. It's better for me spiritually because sometimes I have difficulty admitting when I'm wrong, so if I'm tired and want to get it over with, perhaps I'm a bit more likely to step back and say, "Okay, I had a hand in creating this situation...I need to reach out to the other person and admit my role in it."

But anyway, let's not derail the thread. I'm liking this one a lot.

Macfistowannabe, please feel free to e-mail me if you'd like to chat about it further.
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Old 03-16-2005, 11:18 AM   #98
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Quote:
Originally posted by For Honor
I don't mean to make it sound mechanical, "those terms", but this really is a topic that facinates me. I think it's because it's probably one of the most vaulable or rare kind of thing, and I really want it, and hopefully if I know a little bit about it, and have a lot of luck, I can come close to it some day.

I know someone who admits to some sort of "brotherly love", and defininte erotic love, but sacrificial..... that sounds most intriguing. But something that would explain all three would be most helpful.
Thank you, I really have enjoyed this thread.

I don't know of a book that could spell out these terms for you in more detail.

All three aspects relate to each other on some level, butyou can't let one drive the others.

For example, there may be a physical attraction that is so strong you would want to do anything to be with that person. That is not "sacrificial" love even though it may seem to be.

I'd say sacrificial love is where your desires for self become subordinate to your desires for the two of you as a couple (this, obviously, works best when its mutual - otherwise it can be a source of abuse).

I guess I should look into books on the subject to explain it better.
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Old 03-16-2005, 11:22 AM   #99
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader

I don't know of a book that could spell out these terms for you in more detail.

...

I guess I should look into books on the subject to explain it better.
The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis?

I'm only reading the last page of this thread; perhaps it's been suggested already...
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Old 03-16-2005, 08:37 PM   #100
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No, it hasn't, nathan1977. thanks for the info


and of course, thanks NBC.

.....It seems like everything right now is about this... not to sound overwhelmed, but, I sort of have to focus on "Love" right now. It's just all over my life, and I need to deal with some issues. Now is the time. And half of it isn't in regards to me, personally, so I'm trying to learn and teach a little bit, too.


I've got a friend...... well, hold on......

Quote:
furthermore,
JoshuaTreePride [11:09 PM]: you are not
JoshuaTreePride [11:09 PM]: a puppet
JoshuaTreePride [11:09 PM]: or a toy
JoshuaTreePride [11:10 PM]: that other people play with when they want
JoshuaTreePride [11:10 PM]: and that other people don't care about when they are not playing with you
JoshuaTreePride [11:10 PM]: you deserve to be cared about all the time
JoshuaTreePride [11:10 PM]: and
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: You have to understand, Sarah, that
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: you can be madly in love with someone
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: AND
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: be respected all the time
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: and still feel like
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: "it's all good"
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: I really don't want you to become a person where
JoshuaTreePride [11:11 PM]: you do'nt feel comfortable unless there is something wrong with a relationship
JoshuaTreePride [11:12 PM]: that's really, really, really dangerous
************* [11:12 PM]: what if i am like that, already ... :-(? jesse i'm scared


(DON"T let the childish appearance fool you......)



Essentially, I went on to sort of guide though some things.
But if I can actually have some factual terms, it will help me understand, and allow me to explain things better.

This is a close friend who has confided in me some really serious stuff, so I want to do what I can. It matters to me, but I'm no too attatched to where I will be crushed if something bad happens.




I don't want this thread to be about her or me, though, so don't make it that way.
This is NBC's thread, and that's how it should stay.



But my friend and I are both interested in this subject.
And she's looking to me for some support
And if anyone knows about me, there is no way I would turn my back on that. And I've already been through the mill about it's not my business, but she actually is looking to me for some assistance - I'm not barging in.....
Damn.....
This thread isn't about me!!!!!!
I'm sorry






And It should be noted that my original questions in this thread have nothing to do with this post. I have a secular interest in "love" - but this is a separate situation that arose rather .... interestingly.....

Alright, I wrote too much already...
Thanks....
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Old 03-17-2005, 08:22 AM   #101
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Relationships must be mutual to succeed. Not a 50/50 partnership, but a 100/100 effort by both sides.

The hard part is wanting to change someone to get them to the 100% level when you are aleady there and madly in love.
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Old 03-17-2005, 05:36 PM   #102
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yeah, that's what I'm trying to get her to see....



Hey, you deserve a more user-friendly question every now and then.


So tell me, what's the best thing about being in a working marriage?
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Old 03-17-2005, 05:57 PM   #103
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Hey Doug, I am really really late for your anniversary - I've been swamped at work lately and haven't had much time to check in - but my hearty congrats to you both

I don't think I had ever heard about your early relationship details - Karl and I were quite similar. I was a believer, I let myself get sucked in because I knew he was seeking spiritually, I thought I could get him to come around (BAD plan, I know). I was in the same boat as your wife, knowing he couldn't become a Christian FOR me, and I was worried he was going to try to fake that. I finally came to see things from the perspective of Abraham surrendering Isaac - God asked me to let him go, and when I truly did, He gave Karl back to me as a changed man.

Congrats again
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Old 03-18-2005, 08:21 AM   #104
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So tell me, what's the best thing about being in a working marriage?
A couple of things. One is a place of refuge. No matter what happens in the world, I know I can go home to a place of peace, love and support.

I've seen the opposite. I worked with a guy who would either work late or go to movies after work instead of going home right away. All he wanted to do was avoid his wife. Very sad.



Another great this is knowing, as a Christian, that my wife is praying for me during the day.
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Old 03-18-2005, 08:47 AM   #105
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Quote:
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A couple of things. One is a place of refuge. No matter what happens in the world, I know I can go home to a place of peace, love and support.

I've seen the opposite. I worked with a guy who would either work late or go to movies after work instead of going home right away. All he wanted to do was avoid his wife. Very sad.



Another great this is knowing, as a Christian, that my wife is praying for me during the day.
That's really beautiful.

Knowing that someone is praying for you is one of the most comforting feelings in the world.
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