I/O... Ask Doctor Phil

[Doctor Phil]

Hi y'all.

I know y'all have plenty of problems and issues, okay? especially with the holidays comming up. doctor phil knows it's a stressful time, okay, so feel free to tell doctor phil your problems, okay?

okay.

 

[ZeroDude]

Excuse me Sir but I've lost twenty nine different variations of socks induced by a chronic migraine, can you please help me return those socks to their rightful owners?

(Doc Phil is prejudiced against me.)

 

[Poutine in a Suitcase]

Do you like Poutine?

 

[gvox]

Disgusting.

 

[Doctor Phil]

Excuse me Sir but I've lost twenty nine different variations of socks induced by a chronic migraine, can you please help me return those socks to their rightful owners?

(Doc Phil is prejudiced against me.)

Are you nuts? You need to get your life under control boy. You're not even making sense. Lost socks inducing chronic migraines? Why I've never... Are you sure it's not your failed hopes and dreams that are giving you these chronic migraines?

You need to read my book, son.

-Doctor Phil

 

[Doctor Phil]

Do you like Poutine?

I think you need to ask yourself, what does Poutine mean to me? This little game your playing of trying to spin your obsession with Poutine on to other people is not fooling anyone. You need to deal with your own obsession first.

Admission is the first step. For years Oprah would not admit to her love for t-bone steaks. Then finally we had a break through, she admitted to her problems, and now look at her? It was the steak that was holding her back. Now she's the most succesuful woman in the world.

Read my book, young Poutine. It answers all questions.

Good Luck,

Phil

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

Do you like Poutine?

 

[Doctor Phil]

Why the anger towards this reference to Poutine? Are there some inner demons that you are not dealing with?

--Phil

 

[Numb1075]

inner demons

 

[Doctor Phil]

inner demons

what is it about inner demons that makes you drool? are you nuts?

love,

phil

 

[financeguy]

Doctor Phil

ever time your programme comes on I pick up my television set and through it out the window. This is becoming a bit of a problem as yesterday the TV ended up causing a serious road accident and I'm facing a bunch of charges.

Any advice?

 

[Numb1075]

what is it about inner demons that makes you drool? are you nuts?

love,

phil

Certifiable

 

[Irvine511]

Dear Dr. Phil,

How much money are you making these days by positioning yourself as a televised father-figure surrogate (who's love and advice comes at the cost of one of your endless series of books ... when did you become a nutritionist and qualified to teach people how to lose weight? strikes me that you could lose some yourself ...) in order to exploit the insecurities of overweight women across the country and take their money?

Thanks!



Sincerely,
Irvine

 

[Mr. BAW]

Next time I'm your show, I'm kicking your ass prime time live!

 

[Doozer61]

 

[UberBeaver]

DP,

I am an insane manic man-boy that needs to get his life under control. I play games with myself and other people in an attempt to hide from the truth that I am an insane manic man-boy. When I try to face the truth that I am running from my own demons, failures and broken dreams, I tend to act like an insane manic man-boy and usually wake up 2 days later, three states over in a pig trough, and the scary thing: I am at peace when I do come to.

What advice can you give me?

Thanks!
UB

PS - I read your book, and I loved it! F OPRAH! You don't need her.

 

[Doctor Phil]

Doctor Phil

ever time your programme comes on I pick up my television set and through it out the window. This is becoming a bit of a problem as yesterday the TV ended up causing a serious road accident and I'm facing a bunch of charges.

Any advice?

i believe you have some serious anger issues that you need to get under control. now when oprah was going through a similar issue - she had taken to throwing canned hams around the Harpo offices when a show didn't go off the way she had hoped - we had a nice little sit down and we got all of her inner demons out into the open. now when she's angry instead of throwing things, she jumps up and down on her couch like tom cruise.

i would suggest doing the same.

phil

 

[Doctor Phil]

Dear Dr. Phil,

How much money are you making these days by positioning yourself as a televised father-figure surrogate (who's love and advice comes at the cost of one of your endless series of books ... when did you become a nutritionist and qualified to teach people how to lose weight? strikes me that you could lose some yourself ...) in order to exploit the insecurities of overweight women across the country and take their money?

Thanks!



Sincerely,
Irvine

irvine, i believe that your personal attacks towards me are really just a relection on the problems that yooou face in your every day life. what is it about overweight housewifes that upsets you? this is something i'd like to discuss further with you.

and perhaps the overweight balding man you see is really your fear of your own future. is your hairline getting a little thin? perhaps you should look into rogaine.

we have much to discuss friend. don't be shy. let yourself go.

love,

phil

 

[Hulk Hogan]

this guy's nuts, brother.

 

[Doctor Phil]

Next time I'm your show, I'm kicking your ass prime time live!

Mr. Baw

i believe you should read what i wrote before re: both anger issues and male patern baldness.

love

phil

 

[Doctor Phil]

DP,

I am an insane manic man-boy that needs to get his life under control. I play games with myself and other people in an attempt to hide from the truth that I am an insane manic man-boy. When I try to face the truth that I am running from my own demons, failures and broken dreams, I tend to act like an insane manic man-boy and usually wake up 2 days later, three states over in a pig trough, and the scary thing: I am at peace when I do come to.

What advice can you give me?

Thanks!
UB

PS - I read your book, and I loved it! F OPRAH! You don't need her.

while i appreciate your comments regarding my book, i would advise you not to "F" oprah, as you put it. been there, done that, got the herpies.

now moving on to your questions

it's good that you can admit that you are, as you say, an insane manic man-boy. but before we can go further i must ask; what are these failures and broken dreams that you're running from? and why, may i ask, are you running from them? i see by your name that you are, in fact, a beaver. perhaps there was some issue earlier in your childhood with a broken beaver damn that is now clogging your mind and holding you back from reaching your full beaver potential.

you need to come sit on my couch, mr. bevaer.

phil

 

[Sly Stallone]

Should i make a sequel to Cobra ?

 

[UberBeaver]

while i appreciate your comments regarding my book, i would advise you not to "F" oprah, as you put it. been there, done that, got the herpies.

now moving on to your questions

it's good that you can admit that you are, as you say, an insane manic man-boy. but before we can go further i must ask; what are these failures and broken dreams that you're running from? and why, may i ask, are you running from them? i see by your name that you are, in fact, a beaver. perhaps there was some issue earlier in your childhood with a broken beaver damn that is now clogging your mind and holding you back from reaching your full beaver potential.

you need to come sit on my couch, mr. bevaer.

phil

Are you mocking me?

 

[Doctor Phil]

Should i make a sequel to Cobra ?

now why would you go and do something stupid like that?

sly, you need to understand that it's over. you have no career, and even when you did, it's not like you were ever a great actor in the first place.

nobody... and i mean NOBODY wants to see a 60 year old man running around with no shirt on, the loose skin that used to be muscle flopping around in the breeze.

your career is over sly. i hope you saved your money well, or else frank may have to support you.

phil

 

[Doctor Phil]

Are you mocking me?

the real question is are you mocking you?

think about it.


phil

 

[Numb1075]

Is there any quick acting over the counter medicine to cure chaffing of the buttocks?

 

[Sly Stallone]

The ´Cobra 2 - World of crime´ script have no scenes that requires a shirtless hero. But maybe you are right

 

[Doctor Phil]

Is there any quick acting over the counter medicine to cure chaffing of the buttocks?

numb,

oprah uses icey hot. it works wonders

phil

 

[Numb1075]

Thanks Doctor Phil.....my butt thanks you too....

I'd be lost without you !

Signed:
Your new faithful follower

 

[angelordevil]

I think you need to ask yourself, what does Poutine mean to me? This little game your playing of trying to spin your obsession with Poutine on to other people is not fooling anyone. You need to deal with your own obsession first.

Admission is the first step. For years Oprah would not admit to her love for t-bone steaks. Then finally we had a break through, she admitted to her problems, and now look at her? It was the steak that was holding her back. Now she's the most succesuful woman in the world.

Read my book, young Poutine. It answers all questions.

Good Luck,

Phil

funny funny!