Music/Band Jokes....

[BonoFox1]

I know that there was a Jokes contest a few months ago...I had a great time reading and laughing at these great jokes...I have some that I saved some time back...Some are lame some are crude but hopefully you'll get a giggle out of some

If you have any please share

Q: When did Paul McCartney write Silly Love Songs?


A: His entire career.

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: Why were the Byrds great?



A: They set Bob Dylan songs to music.

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: What does it take to get the Beatles back together?



A: Two bullets and a gun.




sorry!!

 

[LMP]

Q. How does Bono screw in a lightbulb?

A. He puts his hand on it and the world revolves around him.

 

[BonoFox1]

Q : what has 9 arms and sucks?





A :: Def Leopard.

 

[BonoFox1]

Edge arrived at the pearly gates.

"What did you do when you were alive?" asked St. Peter.

"I was the lead guitarist of U2 "

"Excellent! We have a vacancy in our heavenly rock band for a guitarist. Why don't you turn up at the next rehearsal."

So, when the time for the next rehearsal arrived Edge turned up with his heavenly guitar. As he took his place God moved, in a mysterious way, to the mike. Edge turned to the angelic drummer and whispered, "So, what's God like as a singer?"

"Oh, he's O.K. most of the time, but occasionally he thinks he's Bono."

 

[BonoFox1]

A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.

"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."

"You've Thinned?"

"Yes, I met Adam of U2, we went out Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."

"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."

"Will that wash away me Thin?"

"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."

 

[BonoFox1]

Q. How does Bono screw in a lightbulb?

A. He puts his hand on it and the world revolves around him.

That one is great!!!


here is my take::::


Q. How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Four:
Bono writes a song asking for deliverance from the dark.

Larry says it doesn't matter if it's light or dark. He's the drummer. Chicks dig him.

Adam wonders if it's worth getting naked when no one can see him

Edge, the mechanical genius, finally changes the bulb.

 

[BonoFox1]

A musician dies and goes to heaven. He meets Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, John Lennon - and then sees Bono flying by. "Hey," the musician says, "I didn't know Bono was dead!" "He's not," Elvis replies, "Thats God - He likes to pretend He's Bono!"

 

[GibsonGirl]

Roger Waters, David Gilmour and Nick Mason were all (amazingly) killed at the same time, in freakish accidents, and were waiting outside the pearly gates. St. Peter comes gliding up to them and gives the news that anyone wishing to enter the gates must first perform a task to prove their worthiness.

The three have to cross a fast flowing river. They all stroll to the bank and look into the icy torrent, each stepping forward about 5 feet from each other. Nick immediately sinks and drowns as he is washed away, Roger and Dave both walk across the surface of the water and safely reach the other side, and the entrance to heaven. Dave looks guiltily at Roger and says "Do you think we should have told him about the stepping stones?" Roger looks back puzzled and says "What stepping stones?"

 

[indra]

There's a whole slew of drummer jokes here.

 

[Muggsy]

Q : what has 9 arms and sucks?





A :: Def Leopard.

hey....that's so cruel
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

 

[BonoFox1]

Bono and The Edge are captured by cannibals one day. Before they are about to be cooked for dinner they are granted one final wish.

Bono says "Hand me a guitar and let me play SATS one last time...".

Edge says "Please kill me before he starts".

 

[BonoFox1]

Celine Dion walks into a bar and the bartender says, "what's with the long face"?

 

[BonoFox1]

hey....that's so cruel
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I did mention that some of these were crude

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: How do you know it's midnight at Michael Jackson's house?



A: The big hand's on the little hand.

 

[LMP]

Roger Waters, David Gilmour and Nick Mason were all (amazingly) killed at the same time, in freakish accidents, and were waiting outside the pearly gates. St. Peter comes gliding up to them and gives the news that anyone wishing to enter the gates must first perform a task to prove their worthiness.

The three have to cross a fast flowing river. They all stroll to the bank and look into the icy torrent, each stepping forward about 5 feet from each other. Nick immediately sinks and drowns as he is washed away, Roger and Dave both walk across the surface of the water and safely reach the other side, and the entrance to heaven. Dave looks guiltily at Roger and says "Do you think we should have told him about the stepping stones?" Roger looks back puzzled and says "What stepping stones?"

I'd expect Roger to write a song describing the morning dew of the area around the river, and sounds and smells of the riverbed.

 

[GibsonGirl]

That's it. That's the joke.

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's hands?




A: Neither has he

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: What do vegetarian worms eat?


A: Linda McCartney.




sorry for the rudeness...I saved these from a long time ago...

 

[GibsonGirl]

I'd expect Roger to write a song describing the morning dew of the area around the river, and sounds and smells of the riverbed.

Don't forget the oppressive nature of those damn fascist water lilies.

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: What do you call a cow with Wings?




A: Linda McCartney



eeek!

 

[LMP]

Don't forget the oppressive nature of those damn fascist water lilies.

wtfcoldplay? TEAR DOWN THE WALL !!!

These Linda McCartney ones aren't funny

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: where to cantaloupes and honeydew send their kids for the summer?



A: John Cougar Melon Camp

 

[LMP]

This one's more of an anecdote than a joke:

"So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really, but sure enough I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show."

If you know what movie this is from, then you deserve candy.

 

[BonoFox1]

These Linda McCartney ones aren't funny

I know....I decided to stop posting the rest similar to this.....

 

[BonoFox1]

TOM WAITS FOR NO MAN .......:



Again..I saved these from a long time ago and came across them on my file

 

[BonoFox1]

JC Penney's is having a Michael Jackson sale ... little boys pants 1/2 off.

 

[BonoFox1]

Q: How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: Two, one to change the lightbulb and another one to look bored

 

[BonoFox1]

A young Irish girl comes to town and goes to the priest.

"Father I have sinned .. I made love with Adam from U2 who gave me a ride to town. ."

"Daughter, say 10 prayers and you will be forgiven"

"Father," she says, "I will say 20 prayers because I will drive back with Bono."