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Old 03-12-2002, 07:38 PM   #1
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Man of 2002

An email I just recieved, take note ladies!!

Dear Girls,

For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No more!

The man fights back!! Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead.... Long live the Man of 2002.

Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse down to a gym.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present... again.

5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. Saturday = Football. Let it be.

7. Shopping is not a sport.

8. Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!

9. Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.

10. Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?

12. 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.

16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument.

18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate you eat!!

19. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

21. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks. Do not speak when the Sports news is on!!!

24. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

25. If you want some dessert after a meal ? have some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

26. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

27. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

28. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.

29. Do not question our sense of direction.

30. All girls wearing tops that are either tight fitting / low cut / with slogan / with picture etc lose all right to complain about having their breasts stared at. If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect. The ball's in your court.
Sincerely,

The Lads




------------------
"we're free to fly the crimson sky...the sun won't melt our wings tonight..."
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Old 03-12-2002, 09:31 PM   #2
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women's response to this LOL:


1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse down to a gym.

*fair enough

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.

*it's bad fengshui letting the toilet seat up.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it.

*we just won't ask for your opinion.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present... again.

*not all women like cute gifts.

5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

*ahahahahaaaa....don't flatter yourself

6. Saturday = Football. Let it be.

*saturday = night out with friends

7. Shopping is not a sport.

*neither is watching sports a sport

8. Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!

*ok

9. Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.

*mmkay

10. Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

*wipe your pee then!

11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?

*ahahahaaaaa!!

12. 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

*if english is a new language to you, that is.

13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

*ahahahaa!!

14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

*watching sports isn't a sport

15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.

*check your laundry--doing it is an essential part of hygiene.

16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

*exactly, so stop expecting us to look perfect

17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument.

*you don't have a good memory?

18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate you eat!!

*well...maybe if you were better at *ahem*, then we wouldn't have to eat that much chocolate

19. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

*mmkay

20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

*jealous?

21. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

*not intelligent enough to express yourself accurately?

22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

*we'll ogle at men also.

23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks. Do not speak when the Sports news is on!!!

*don't talk to us while we are on the phone

24. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

*being tired 365 nights a year isn't normal--go see a doctor

25. If you want some dessert after a meal ? have some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

*lol

26. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

*words of wisdom

27. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

*if you don't like it, make it yourself

28. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.

*heart attack?

29. Do not question our sense of direction.

*how nazi like.

30. All girls wearing tops that are either tight fitting / low cut / with slogan / with picture etc lose all right to complain about having their breasts stared at.

*all human species who have a penis lose all right to complain about women!

okay..pretty lame..and I'm bored...


------------------
id love adam to perform for me..wearing only cologne and a smile
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Old 03-12-2002, 09:34 PM   #3
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Old 03-12-2002, 11:05 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by madamc:


7. Shopping is not a sport.

*neither is watching sports a sport

This completely cracked me up!
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Old 03-13-2002, 05:25 AM   #5
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HAR! Jonboy, very hilarious, but madamc was still funnier
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Old 03-13-2002, 05:26 AM   #6
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YAY!!!! *stands and applauds MadamC*

Good on ya for beating Bono-mans ass to a pulp...........see Bono-man?

For every question u ask, women answer back one better luv!!!!!!

so na na nanana!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-13-2002, 07:23 PM   #7
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ive learnt my lesson: never pick on women alone, they will all band together against you...

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Old 03-14-2002, 09:42 AM   #8
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Exactly

We are stronger than you
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Old 03-14-2002, 01:11 PM   #9
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*ROTFLMFAO* oh lord...isn't that cute... guys STILL think they have power. Woman have and will Always be the ones that have the final word. Come on...if it wasn't for Eve -Not Eve from here but the original Eve from the garden- then none of ya guys would be here in the first place
P.S. madamc.... 18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate you eat!!
*well...maybe if you were better at *ahem*, then we wouldn't have to eat that much chocolate GOOD ONE!!! YAY!!!

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Fear Not..For I'll Be Watching You. And I know what you're all thinking. FOR SHAME!!
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Old 03-14-2002, 01:31 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by JemEvans:
*ROTFLMFAO* oh lord...isn't that cute... guys STILL think they have power. Woman have and will Always be the ones that have the final word.
I would tend to agree with you
if it wasn't for 150 other threads about all the horrible things we men make women do that they really don't want

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Old 03-14-2002, 02:49 PM   #11
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thanks elaine...you read my mind! as usual!
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