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Old 04-04-2008, 09:57 PM   #526
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Old 04-04-2008, 09:59 PM   #527
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Old 04-04-2008, 10:14 PM   #528
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Old 04-05-2008, 01:33 AM   #529
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Old 04-06-2008, 02:00 PM   #530
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Old 04-06-2008, 03:16 PM   #531
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Old 04-06-2008, 04:22 PM   #532
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Old 04-06-2008, 05:21 PM   #533
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Old 04-06-2008, 06:14 PM   #534
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Old 04-06-2008, 09:04 PM   #535
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Old 04-06-2008, 09:24 PM   #536
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Old 04-07-2008, 01:20 PM   #537
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Old 04-07-2008, 07:14 PM   #539
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:28 PM   #540
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Done quickly so apologies in advance for any typos etc...here you have the last bit since last collected:

Once upon a time in Japan some U2 fans snuck out of a tube from lala land and began squirting soy sauce over the beanie that Edge knit from tsetse fly silk and love beads. This pet rock can really rock during a disco techa! “Boom Cha!” screamed Elvis when three blind mice waltzed furiously to the song “Baby Got Back” , then Sir MixaLot began to tango all over the coffee table and he went powerjuice on everyone fast and furiously dripping with more syrup than Mrs Butterworth kissed. Seven minutes later all three members of ZZ Top began to do powerjuice. Things that were post whores and proud of weeping Powerjuice-laden-tears licked by beav daily. That damned pervert never stops chasing my dog and when he catches my dog the dog inevitably contracts bacterial diseases from Beav. The open sores around his mouth GFY they say. And Jesus said to his disciples, if one of your bastards betrays me I will smite thee and that’s when Judas said “Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” “STFU<” he replied. Judas, shocked, reached for his wineskin of LEMONade, not powerjuice, or so he thought, for Bartholomew had filled the skin with powerjuice. Damn him! Thought Judas Mendelbaum who swore that bats could spit mad rhymes like crazy gypsies swirling outta control like attention-starved citizens of the internet. Looking like freckle-faced fools with their incessant amount of powerjuice related technobabble and when we say powerjuice related, we mean not at all related to powerjuice , but rather the overwhelming unconfirmed reports speculating the existence of Powerjuice. Open your mind and the curtain opens and standing there is the king of fools, who many believe is related to Rush Limbaugh, and likes the Dominican Republic. Jim Zorn, who is a lefty in all senses of the word used his left hand to smite the powerjuice lovers but it failed, and instead smacked your mom as if it were a thousand flies exploding into oblivion. The next day after the morning ritual of fucking Matt Damon, the king of fools decided to punt even though it was not 4th down. Andy Reid would have done the same thing, except Reid was at rehab. Needless to say, visiting his kids was an act of penance, since Reid was bigger than Hurley from Lost. Yes, anger was felt, but also sorrow and sadness completed the mood. Suddenly, a large torch bearer ruthlessly scorched another thread with her tenuous grasp of reality. Sometimes it takes a Mormon with no understanding of discourse to become the king of fools. The King’s first edict was to banish all that stood to his banality and once that deed was done he looked upon an empty kingdom to look at while it dawned on him that nobody was willing to raise their young in such a uniquely devoid of intelligence kingdom. Thus, he developed an initiative which entailed brainwashing and distributing hallucinogenics which caused all of his subjects to think that he was cool. But the effect soon wore off. What happened next was appalling. Zombies. One of the king’s subjects picked up a dictionary and threw it at the zombies. Rick Astley and the zombies declined to read it though. Rick hit that shit suddenly rite, showing off his prowess to the Zombies. On a business trip the king of fools picked up the dictionary and was turned to the letter “L” section. Clearing his throat, he laid the smack down by reading the entry for LOVE but after that, he looked up a few words and found LeMAWN, but he kept reading the “L’s” and eventually found LOSER and Lollipop. The King of Fools was stunned, for the definition said “Also see: “Powerjuice is the diamonds”. Unfortunately, some of his citizens also saw the entry. A plan was hatched to overthrow their “King”. The King retreated to a place where his mind could be free Jing of Prussia. Jing of Prussia was immediately dismissed, since it made no sense, so the King of Fools instead retreated to San Remo, Atlanta, Germany, however his citizens followed with murder in their eyes and torches in their hands, chanting “ ‘carry each other, carry each other”, they wanted to confirm that the King of Fools would never live with a native son, whose not a native son in their country. So, Nate decided he would quietly meet with the King of Fools..whose list of “Who’s who” did not include anyone from Canada. The list did however include unmarried pirates, pirates who were incredulous at the uphill climb they were faced with, as they kept running into obstacles that made them shake their heads. The pirates were all tied together with a rope, and the pirates who moved on smoothly up the hill grew increasingly frustrated when they would be dragged down by the other pirates who did not understand the concept of hill climbing, again shaking their heads. The King of Fools noticed the pirates and torchbearers coming for him, so he cursed mike for posting at the same time, totally ruined the flow of things. Hispanics, who lied about their marital status, chased the King of Fools to his mountain retreat, located in Utah, in a diamond shaped lair protected by polygamists. The King of Fools was ignored by postwhores without dictionaries. However, as this was going on, a new power was rising in the Midwest, a power that could only be described as obtuse, as the Chicago Wolves. As rumored, or at least confirmed, with the Chicago Wolves. Yes, as obtuse, and as confirmed as can be, this rising power was a Wolves devotee. And a crooked politician. As NSW exited his meeting of insanely high powered executives, he took out a large metal flask filled to the brim with something that wasn’t powerjuice because powerjuice only comes in glasses. The clock struck no pants o’clock and as a mouse darted down an alleyway irrelevantly, a small group of brave heroes went powerjuice in a basement. Suddenly, cops began to pound on the door and take their whips out. As the cops opened the door, the brave heroes offered the cops Powerjuice. Next time you guys go Powerjuice, please just warn us ahead of time, said the cops. The brave heroes replied with one accord, : FOAD!!!, someone inanely uttered from the street. Of course, the cops were nonplussed by all this nonsense, but wanted to know the one demand the heroes had of the cops. And that demand was, the next time the king thought of drinking V8 juice, that they would beat him senseless, and the cops would look the other way on the “medicinal” cocaine binges. The cops had no comment. Walking out the door, they saw Gob Bluth and when he asked them to pick a card, they tasered him. With smoke protruding from his flesh, Gob Bluth then did his greatest trick…um….illusion of all time. First he took a bunch of matches in one hand, and a piece of tissue paper in another and then he realized that he’d actually meant to pick up a banana instead of tissue paper so he lit the tissue paper on fire and came back to beat the Rangers 6-5 in OT and took off all his clothes, but tripped over his skates..that’s okay because he turned it all into a sexy dance. He danced so vigorously he killed a man, quite by accident. And took off in the opposite direction. However, after running for a mile, he was spotted by Dog the Bounty Hunter, who was still trying to prove that he was “down”. So, next thing you know, Dog jumps into his Ford Ranchero with the radio playing "I'm down with the clown till I'm dead in the ground" and proceeds to chase Gob. Gob had Franklin with him, though, so, when Dog saw Franklin, he said "come on brother, I only want a taste of your wad of piece of incoherent babbling manual. Which Dog had obtained from a Russian double agent. This manual was used to to crack the chatter codes during the time when lynnok cornered david. unfortunately she has yet to post this confrontation and has us all on the edge of our seats. The David Digression* aside, the incoherent babbling manual (to be called the IBM going forward) was the key to decrypting certain chatter codes. Dog had vowed to protect it with his very life, but Gob
(at this point I'd like to point out a slight inconsistency. According to punctuation used earlier, Gob was in possession of the IBM and Dog, upon seeing Gob and Franklin together, proceeded to beg for said manual. So he would likely not ask for it from Gob, if in fact he had obtained it from a russian agent. or, the earlier punctuation may have been incorrect, leading to this confusion. I'll try my best to follow the earlier train of thought, which NSW seems to have returned to)
steadfastly refused to part with the IBM, as as his, not Dog's was the true IBM.

Gob decided to use this to his advantage by further deliberately obfuscating the thesaurus using phrases, not obtained by means of any education or refinement, he shot himself in disbelief. The only problem was, like Rasputin, Gob was a ladies man. But, more to the point, the only problem was (sometimes we're just not in synch, you know, so I'm giving you this gift of a repeated line....) he was a terrible shot. When he came to, he had his life, but not the IBM. So he dusted himself off and died an inner death of shame. He knew that while he had cheated Death once again, he might not be so lucky the third time. So he went home, and went to a web site called "interference". He got himself a user name, and started exploring the site. The first thing he noticed was that whilst some had enrolled seeking the approval of others to fill the emptiness they felt inside , others came in a vain effort to boost their fractured egos, fooling only themselves. But amongst the incoherent babbling there began to emerge a rather sophisticated network of losers, with no real life at all, who marvelled at how someone could do something 27,268 times in just over 2 years yet would question the lives of others. But no questions were asked, nor bitter sentiments assuaged, nor fingers pointed, but conclusions were drawn. He asked himself “Have I really stooped so low”? , and the resounding answer, deafening in it's silence and yet unavoidable in truth, was disappointing, but not half as disappointing as "died". So having thoroughly convinced himself that creativity was a lost cause in the barren wasteland he found himself, he was on the brink of tossing in the towel. In that very same moment appeared a young child, who, taking him by the hand, said “Where's the beef?" And in a puff of smoke the child returned to "what's for breakfast lunch or dinner" to find it. Interestingly, the beef really was putrid and needed to be recalled by the FDA. The child was forced to choose something other than the beef, and ate chicken instead and was satisfied with the chicken even if it was slightly rancid unlike the fish though. On a completely unrelated note, things took a turn for the worse when people went to bed, leaving the three stooges to run amok in drag during Festivus. Meanwhile…in the Arena a giant llama with a grudge thought it would be a good idea to attack one of the combatants. So he surveyed them, noting that their scales were much too blue for his taste, , so he laughed really loudly, hysterically and awkwardly. the kind that make Varitek say "shut up dude." the sort of laugh that makes the hair in your ears stand straight up. the laugh was so piercing that it caused everyone within a 15 mile radius to bleed from their ears. Dalton was already bleeding, though, from his MFA, where NSW shoved his photoshopped GED. Everyone was doing the Dinosaur with Unico and then out of the blue a bell rang and a loud voice said Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for high street shopping. But, is there a time for high street shopping? That was LemonMelon's question to the way of the Universe. “What?” Said a sane citizen who was carrying a hot dog in one hand and a duck under his arm. They've run out of Hot Dogs in this city! The duck needs one and when there's a pet in trouble NSW calls upon the assistance of the RESCUE PETS! After those five died, the pet rescue team was very upset. So to lift their spirits, Bonochick threw a crazy party in their honor, inviting LOLZOMG!!1! and his friend who, being the completely humourless louts they were, broke their iPhones in a rant and threw them all into a flaming bowl of milk, the dorks then melted some cheese on sticks over an open exhaust pipe. "What about some Damn Good Chili?" an Interferencer said Only if it is chili con carne, not just beans since they give me gas! said the other Interferencer "Where's the Beano" asked Al Gore. All bean chili is the primary cause of global warming in Iceland which is warmer than Greenland and known for providing Bobby Fischer sanctuary. Speaking of Pawns, the double of a certain British one-named singer danced the night away with one wooden leg and he’ll wait with the leg for sailor peg who’s slipping knitted woolens to Chicago. So this woman in Georgia laughed her ass off and while doing so, she also managed to bake brownies which turned out to be ash browns which she then tossed with anchovies and capers, the new “it” foods according to the New Republic. Garp , or the World According to Garp, is a wonderful read, said your mom and Doofus Bush, illegitimate & illiterate just like his even dumber brother Goofus. Just then the perpetually perky Rachael Ray burst in carrying a copy of Garp and the National Review and demanded to know how to read either, since "learnin and readin" weren't really her forte. and then gallant and goofuth came along...noticing strange muffins all over the place and the muffins were filled with human hair and lotus petals mixed with love and topped with powdered Ebola Virus the creepier cousin of Spontaneous Dental Hydroplosion which is commonly known to be bill Paxton who is captain of the blue sky and captain midnight who teetered upon a pole dancer’s pole upside down while sshakin that booty while Bono’s wife danced to the soing Baby Got Back while dancing on top of a huge fluffy pink rabbit carrying carrots and a gun. Suddenly the image appeared on the side of the deep murky river, and the image was that of a frosted flake. WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Screamed Kiki! as muffins and bananas wooted with joy running amok looking for Albuquerque on the map of the world that was in Japanese! The surgeon general made a coffee for all and ate a few muffins before running to the post office to post a box of cherries and booze with pretzels covered with ants crawling into raisins scaring back home baby birds begging for worms on a hotdog bun which nauseates me to think about! So then I coughted a few times but it sounded so fake, so I ran. I ran so far away. When I stopped running there appeared some purple slimy icky goo on the bottom of my shoe. I grabbed a tissue from Babydoll’s purse which was really very wet and hot so it broke apart leaving a smudge lipstick on some leather seats, unexplainable so given that I thought this should not have happened at all in this state of mind. All of a sudden Bono was perplexed about being a sex god so he decided to explore his suitcase full of song lyrics tonight. We wondered why
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