I'm Torn About Christmas...What Is Your Opinion On This Matter? - U2 Feedback

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Old 12-06-2001, 10:37 AM   #1
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I'm Torn About Christmas...What Is Your Opinion On This Matter?

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love the warm fuzzies I get from being with family and friends and sharing love and Christmas songs.

It's my first Christmas I will get to spend with my fiance. He lives in Virginia, so I'll be flying there on Dec. 22 and returning the 29 (as many of you know).

Well, this will be my first Christmas away from home...away from my parents...away from my big sister (she is 22, I'm 19). My sister is really disappointed that I'm not coming home for the holidays, especially since I'll be with my fiance (she hasn't met him yet, but she already has expressed her distaste for him many times). It almost seems like even my parents are now upset with me that I'm going, even though they are the ones who paid for my ticket as my Christmas gift (it seems like they are having second thoughts on this whole idea).

My plane ticket is non-refundable...so I am definitely going...but I didn't think my family would really mind if I went, and it seems like they do...

Well, here's my question:

Was it wrong of me to break tradition to spend Christmas with drgnwolf1969, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Or should something like that be expected, as family often cannot always be together every year for the holidays as they grow older?

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Old 12-06-2001, 10:42 AM   #2
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Don't feel guilty! I'm sure your parents realize how bad you want to go. But they're probably scared and looking out for you.

Just go to Virginia and have a great time!


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Old 12-06-2001, 10:43 AM   #3
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i have been with my girlfriend for about 20 months now and we had a similar discussion-each of our mothers assumed we were going to the other families house(we're in ottawa for school as are her parents, well not for school, but my parents live west of toronto). we agreed that since we were only bf/gf it would be awkward to spend christmas with someone else's family.
BUT once you're engaged i don't see a problem with spending it with either family or even by yourselves. if you love him you're family will come to appreciate that and him-perhaps suggest he comes up to visit you soon after if possible so you're sister can meet him.

bottom line: U2 rules.
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Old 12-06-2001, 10:47 AM   #4
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Thanks, guys.

kobayashi: My sister is meeting him in June...he's flying here, and then we are going to my hometown (where my sis still lives) for the weekend.

I usually sleep at her house when I go back to town, but drgnwolf1969 and I might have to get a hotel room...I'm afraid my sister might kill him in the night! *only half-joking*

Anybody else have any thoughts?

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Old 12-06-2001, 10:50 AM   #5
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My mom gets this little weird jealousy thing going on because I like to do things with my boyfriend's (of 3 years) family. His family is really nice, fun, and never fights - mine is hyper-critical and likes to fight when tipsy. I know her jealousy is out of insecurity, but when it boils down to it, I like to spend the holidays with my mother because she was all I had for a long time, and will continue to be so even after I am married and on my way to mature adulthood.

Obligation never works on me, because I am a firm believe in Free Will, and I will do as I please, and where I see fit. Self-empowerment rules!
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Old 12-06-2001, 11:15 AM   #6
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Bonochick: This is one of the unfortunate side effects of growing up and getting into a serious relationship or marriage. You now have to try to satify 2 families at the holidays. To make matters worse in your case, there is considerable distance involved. So therefore one family will likely lose out on seeing their child on each holiday. Your family should understand that you plan to marry Drgnwlf, and therefore they must now share you with him and his family, as his family will have to learn to share him.
My wife and I have to split up the holidays...generally Easter and Christmas Eve with her family, Thanksgiving and Christmas Day with mine. Your folks and especialy your sister should just feel happy for you, and you can always celebrate with them when you get back. Just make sure to call on Christmas.
It will probably be hard being the first Christmas away, but it will get easier as the years go on. Enjoy your holiday, its OK to miss your family, but don't feel guilty about things.
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Old 12-06-2001, 03:07 PM   #7
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It's tough to try and please the family. My parents are divorced and we have to do this strange thing around holidays where we spend time with everyone. I'm sick of it and trying to please everyone...
Sorta the same thing. You're an adult and you choose what's best for you. Besides, while holidays ARE special times, there are more days in the year than those few. So tell them you all can have a very special day later on in the year.


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Old 12-06-2001, 03:34 PM   #8
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I understand your family will be sad.. but I dont see anything wrong with what you're doing!

Enjoy it girl! Dont let your family spoil your fun time.. like Gonzo said, you spent 18 years with your family at Christmas..you're getting older and time to make your own decisions!

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Old 12-07-2001, 02:53 AM   #9
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You've spent the last 18 Christmases with your parents. Now, you are an adult and welcoming a new member of your family, and it is perfectly resonable to spend your 19th Christmas with him. Especially when you consider how infrequently you get to see one another.

You are getting married for crying out loud.

Don't feel guilty.

Your family needs to realize you aren't a kid anymore.

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