Fenway Park Superthread!

[The Sad Punk]

I'm no expert on making friends, in fact I'm pretty terrible at it, so I'm not sure what advice I can give. Do you talk to other third-year people much? Sometimes it's good just to have a bit of small talk now and then. Don't be too picky with friends, take what you can get if you see an oppurtunity. Doesn't matter if they don't listen to the same bands as you, or if they laugh at every bad reference in Family Guy. Consider them 'friends' anyway. It makes you feel better once you start counting more people as friends.

 

[Dalton]

throw.a.party.

it doesn't have to be a raucous shindig, you can just set something up to watch a game or something.

 

[Axver]

You'll be fine, Ax. It's been hard for me making friends now that I live in Adelaide, though it's easier to keep in touch with some mates in the country, it's still sort of bumpy.

It's funny how cities are so full of people and yet feel so damn lonely sometimes.

Though by the sounds of the average Adelaidean, do you really want to be friends with them?

I own a fedora, and I would wear it in public were it not for the fact that most people who were fedoras in public today are those that paint Warhammer miniatures, have a complete Disturbed collection and wear over-sized t-shirts with airbrushed Sioux Chiefs on them.

 

[redhotswami]

i think you should go to the debate or historical societies anyway. sure you don't know people now, but you will. i know it is an extremely brave thing to do. but you can at least try going to a meeting. no obligation. if you don't like it you don't have to return. if you do, then you'll start digging your heels in and you'll fit right in.

as for raccoon eyes, i don't know if that's the real turn for them, but that's what i call it. i've seen women wear sooooo much eyeliner, not because they're emo, but it really is a new trendy thing to do.

 

[Dalton]

Oh, they're emo.

 

[The Sad Punk]

Though by the sounds of the average Adelaidean, do you really want to be friends with them?

I certainly often prefer to be alone, of course - but it's always good to have somebody to fall back in if you want to go out or if you feel like a small piss-up at your place. I get the impression that you're not too hot on going to pubs and such, but it can be a good idea to just go to the nearest one after uni with someone, even if you don't know them too well. Just suggest it after a bit of talk, then you can get to know them over a drink or two. Other people can be shy, too. Take advantage of this!

 

[Axver]

I'm no expert on making friends, in fact I'm pretty terrible at it, so I'm not sure what advice I can give. Do you talk to other third-year people much? Sometimes it's good just to have a bit of small talk now and then. Don't be too picky with friends, take what you can get if you see an oppurtunity. Doesn't matter if they don't listen to the same bands as you, or if they laugh at every bad reference in Family Guy. Consider them 'friends' anyway. It makes you feel better once you start counting more people as friends.

I'm hopeless at talking to other people in my classes. I'll talk all through the tute on whatever the topic is, but at the end I'll just vanish. I don't think I'm bad at small talk - just at being comfortable talking to people I don't really know. I've met some really cool people who I would've liked to know better, but ... I don't really know how to strike up a friendship. I'm the guy who before the tute sits around with his head in a book, or otherwise tries not to bother anyone.

Eh, I feel like I'm dragging down this thread ...

 

[Dalton]

I'm hopeless at talking to other people in my classes. I'll talk all through the tute on whatever the topic is, but at the end I'll just vanish. I don't think I'm bad at small talk - just at being comfortable talking to people I don't really know. I've met some really cool people who I would've liked to know better, but ... I don't really know how to strike up a friendship. I'm the guy who before the tute sits around with his head in a book, or otherwise tries not to bother anyone.

Eh, I feel like I'm dragging down this thread ...

I agree. Why are we talking about this when you obviously don't really want any friends.

 

[The Sad Punk]

Alright, that's cool, we can bring it up some other time.

I'm working on a new anagram album.

 

[Axver]

i think you should go to the debate or historical societies anyway. sure you don't know people now, but you will. i know it is an extremely brave thing to do. but you can at least try going to a meeting. no obligation. if you don't like it you don't have to return. if you do, then you'll start digging your heels in and you'll fit right in.

as for raccoon eyes, i don't know if that's the real turn for them, but that's what i call it. i've seen women wear sooooo much eyeliner, not because they're emo, but it really is a new trendy thing to do.

I went to the debating society at the University of Queensland back in 2006. I've never felt so out of place. It was my scariest experience at university and I'm really, really reluctant to try in Melbourne. Kate was going to take me this year, but ... well, that's not happening now. I know, I should go anyway. But summoning up the courage is hard.

Ah, I see. There is no way that sort of thing looks good.

 

[redhotswami]

saddo i think dalton is trying to make a point about th contradiction here between saying you wish you had friends, but then saying that one doesn't really make efforts to make friends.

 

[Dalton]

saddo i think dalton is trying to make a point about the obvious contradiction here between saying you wish you had friends, but then saying that one doesn't really make efforts to make friends.

Mia, you're just like me but with tact.

 

[Axver]

I agree. Why are we talking about this when you obviously don't really want any friends.

I do!

 

[Dalton]

In my experience (both personally and observing others), people actually do get what they want in relationships. We might complain and say that we want something other than what we are getting, but if we slow down and look at it we find that we don't work towards getting what we claim we want.

If Ax wants friends, he'll push past his fears and do what it takes.

 

[Dalton]

I do!

Then go make friends. You know what you need to do. That shit is not that hard, its just scary.

 

[Axver]

saddo i think dalton is trying to make a point about th contradiction here between saying you wish you had friends, but then saying that one doesn't really make efforts to make friends.

It's just that to me, a lot of what I'm apparently meant to do to make friends sounds terrifying.

And I'm trying to avoid divulging too much because this is a public forum, after all.

 

[The Sad Punk]

I don't think it's quite as simple as that, actually, but whatever.

 

[Dalton]

Sorry, I gotta run.

I don't mean to be a dick, but I work with people all the time who tell me that they want something, but when we talk about how to get that they say that they are unwilling to change to get it.

Who was it that said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

 

[Dalton]

I don't think it's quite as simple as that, actually, but whatever.

Really? What other force(s) is out there preventing Ax from making friends? If we spent the next several hours talking about this, I believe that we would all come to the conclusion that Ax has the power to change his situation. He is not deficient in any way. If he decides to make friends, he will.

 

[redhotswami]

It's just that to me, a lot of what I'm apparently meant to do to make friends sounds terrifying.

And I'm trying to avoid divulging too much because this is a public forum, after all.

fuck yeah it's scary!!! i agree. putting yourself out there like that is very terrifying, in a sense you are leaving yourself vulnerable. but i've found in many cases it is worth the risk. some great connections can be found by doing so. that is NOT to say it works out every time. i've had my share of moments when i've felt awkward, out of place, and even unwanted. so, then i left. no obligation. i didn't have to go back. sure i came home, felt sorry for myself 'why don't people like me?'. i learned that i can't win everyones heart. some matches are better than others. eventually i just moved on.

i hope you do build up the courage and give it a try again. you're at a prime age where socialization is very important to your own personal development. hang in there. friends come and go, like waves. the ones that last forever are great, but losing close friends doesn't have to mean that you be alone forever.

 

[The Sad Punk]

No, Dalton -I just can't think of anything being that simple. It's a fault of mine, and I think your last post was good at addressing what you were saying.

Sorry, I haven't been clear.

 

[redhotswami]

Mia, you're just like me but with tact.

holla!!!

 

[Axver]

Here's where the Internet has its advantage. Nobody here doesn't want to be here. People participate in threads like this because they want to be here. I'm sitting here talking to people like Saddo now because places we've wanted to post have often coincided and we've gotten on well. The same can't be said of a tute at uni. I don't want to bother some poor sod who doesn't want to be bothered, to delay them or intrude or anything. Of course, this is faulty logic because they might be worried about the same thing back to me, and when I'm reading and wishing someone would talk to me, someone might be thinking that "hey, that guy's reading cool stuff, I'd love to say hi but I bet he wants to be left alone". I recognise this. It doesn't mean my desire not to bother anyone is reduced, though. And now I feel bad because I think I've ruined this thread and should just shut the fuck up. Life's life. I'm more than capable of dealing with it, and I've said far too much here anyway. I'm normally not this bad, but fuck, the last month has been bad in so many aspects, not just friendship-wise, that it's hard to keep my head up sometimes.

 

[redhotswami]

a wiseman once said "you miss too much these days when you stop to think"
i try not to think...perhaps that gets me in a lot of trouble. actually, i really don't need to try, i really hardly think before doing things. i'm so bad at "thinking" that i have to either say something or write it down in order to process it.

but, you know, just try it. try not thinking for one day and see what happens. just don't end up in jail.

and you're not bringing down the thread. we can have heart-to-hearts here just as much as we can take the piss in here.

and you're right, this forum is different in that aspect. but i think it sort of encourages people to stay where they are and not do some bold and nonsensical things like going to talk to people. that's how things are initiated. think about how you became friends with some of your friends. it takes something, you know? someone has to make the first move.

social anxiety is more common than you think. if you approach someone my guess is that they're more likely to think "hey! cool! someone is talking to me" rather than "why is this guy talking to me?" imagine how you'd feel if someone approached you.

 

[The Sad Punk]

No, you haven't ruined the thread, Ax. I thought I had because of my terrible ability at explaining how to socialize. Oh well, regardless - the thread's still here.

Anyway mate, you've kept your head up and you've done damn well this past month. Forget all this shit that's gone on, let's get back to the good stuff.

 

[redhotswami]

alrighty i'm gonna go brave the snow and explore the city. i'm starving and don't feel like wasting money on room service. hang in there ax and i hope the both of you have an awesome day!

 

[Alisaura]

Sign me up for Overthinkers Anonymous!

There's something to those Nike ads... just do it. Or something I saw on the back of a truck recently... "Feel the fear, and do it anyway".
(Those Mainfreight trucks are amusing sometimes.)
I won't even start on the wisdom my "quote-a-day" calendar at work has provided over the years...

I'm not taking the piss... hope it doesn't look that way.

Ax...

I'm hardly the most sociable person, but I've come a long way since I started Uni. I've also been lucky, and sort of fallen into the few close friendships I have.

Maybe try not disappearing so immediately after a tute and see if people hang around to talk about it?

 

[Alisaura]

Anyway, I need to sleep...

Seeya folks

 

[Axver]

a wiseman once said "you miss too much these days when you stop to think"
i try not to think...perhaps that gets me in a lot of trouble. actually, i really don't need to try, i really hardly think before doing things. i'm so bad at "thinking" that i have to either say something or write it down in order to process it.

but, you know, just try it. try not thinking for one day and see what happens. just don't end up in jail.

I think non-stop. I never take less than 30 minutes to get to sleep because I can't stop thinking. I analyse and I probably over-analyse. I think today I did some spectacular non-thinking though, like just going down to Stony Point for the hell of it. Or accidentally stepping off a train when it was about to leave and briefly delaying it after the driver had been so kind to me. I still feel embarrassed about that. I didn't think at the time but I've overthought the whole fucking thing afterwards. Not thinking is a double-edged sword, heh.

and you're not bringing down the thread. we can have heart-to-hearts here just as much as we can take the piss in here.

and you're right, this forum is different in that aspect. but i think it sort of encourages people to stay where they are and not do some bold and nonsensical things like going to talk to people. that's how things are initiated. think about how you became friends with some of your friends. it takes something, you know? someone has to make the first move.

social anxiety is more common than you think. if you approach someone my guess is that they're more likely to think "hey! cool! someone is talking to me" rather than "why is this guy talking to me?" imagine how you'd feel if someone approached you.

I don't want this to be Axver's mope-a-thon though. Or to look mopey or depressed. I've wondered if I have some sort of serious social anxiety thing, and I really don't think I do. When I'm with friends, family, acquiantances, people I know - I'm confident, talkative, happy. I love having people around. Goddamnit I miss having Kate in my life so much. I was always happy when she came over and we'd watch TV, play Monopoly, and I'd cook dinner or whatever.

But yeah, someone needs to make the first move and maybe others want me to talk to them too. I know I'd be over the moon if somebody approached me and said hi. It is hard adjusting to a totally different social dynamic though - all my pre-existing friends are friends through convenient circumstance; my old flatmate, the guy who had a locker above me through all high school, etc. And all through high school and the couple of years afterwards, I was comfortable with this circle of friends. I'm the kind of person who will have just 3-4 very close friends and be very happy with that. But now we're dispersed, and here I am.

 

[phanan]

Random question for phanan: Am I going crazy, or is PT's Voyage 34 Phase 1 from about the 2:00 minute mark clearly referencing Another Brick In The Wall?

You're not going crazy. It's nearly identical.

I still need to hear the other three parts. I've never gotten around to it.

I phail.