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Old 02-25-2002, 03:26 AM   #1
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Dennis Leary's masterpiece

'I'm an Asshole' truly is one of the greatest songs ever written.
Sheer brilliance in the lyrics and the way Leary delivers the performance. I can listen to it over and over.
Anyone agree?
I especially like the cockles line.

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me,
About you,
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests,
About that special feelting we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver,
Maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon,
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe,
With a regular job.
I'm your average white,
Suburbanite slob.
I like football, and porno, and books about war.
I've got an average house,
With a nice hardwood floor.
My wife, and my job, my kids, and my car,
My feet on the table,
With a Cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough,
To keep a man like me interested,
Oh no, no way, uh uhh.
No I gotta go out and have fun,
At someone elses expense,
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah,

I drive really slow,
In the ultra fast lane,
while people, behind me, are going insane.

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets,
And I piss on the seats,
I walk around in the summer time,
Sayin' "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicaped spaces,
While handicaped People, make handicaped faces,

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a big fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song,
Ranting and raving and carring on,
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
NAAAHHHHH

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadaliac Eldarado Convertable,
Hot Pink!
With whale skin hub caps,
An all leather cow interior,
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights.
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby,
At 115 miles per hour,
Getting one mile per gallon,
Sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fasioned non-biodegradable styrafoam containers.
And when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers,
I'm gonna wipe my mouth in the American flag,
And then I'm gonna toss the styrafoam containers right out the side,
And there ain't a God damn thing anybody can do about it,
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why.
Two words, Nuclear Fucking Weapons OK.
Russia, Germany, Romania,
They can have all the democracy they want.
They can have a big democracy cake,
Walk right through the middle of Tienemen Square,
And it won't make a lick of difference,
Because we got the bombs OK!
John Wayne's not dead,
He's frozen.
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the duke.
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off,
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by 15 million times,
That's how pissed off the duke's gonna be.
I'm gonna get the duke,
And John Desimeties,
And Lee Marvinhaugh
And Sam Beckinforth,
And a case of whiskey,
And drive down to Texas,
And,
(hey, Hey, You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song pal,
You know the whole time I thought I was that asshole,
And it turns out it was him,
What an Asshole

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A, SS, HO, LE
Everybody,
A, SS, HO, LE

I'm an asshole, and I'm Proud of it!
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Old 02-25-2002, 05:26 AM   #2
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I love asshole. It is a great tune as well.

Didn't it get No 1 in triple J one year?

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In the stillness of the evening
When the sun has had its day
I heard your voice whispering...
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Old 02-25-2002, 08:06 AM   #3
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I think it may have zoomer dearest!
JJJ always pick good songs, well...up until this year
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Old 02-25-2002, 04:31 PM   #4
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I was teaching my son "Needle and the Damage Done" by Neil Young last year.He pointed out the run on D is very very similar to "asshole" I have trouble keeping a straight face when I play NATDD now. Spoilt forever


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So long, and thanks for all the fish.
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Old 02-25-2002, 08:41 PM   #5
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Where did you get those lyrics?

I'm not expert in movies, but I always thought it was:

John Cassavetes,
Lee Marvin
Sam Peckinpah.



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I don't know you, and you don't know the half of it.
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Old 02-25-2002, 09:27 PM   #6
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my brother loves this song and knows all the words. he especially loves performing it in front of my mother. she is always quite impressed. it totally cracks me up.
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Old 02-25-2002, 09:39 PM   #7
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haha Rufus I didnt evne look at them!
Lee Marvinhaugh??

lol at those stupid lyric sites
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