American Idol-Dallas Auditions
The second audition city where a few years ago American Idol found a talented young singer by the name of Kelly Clarkson. Will the Idol judges find any Kelly-sized talent, or will they find a lot of William Hungs? Well, we’re about to find out.
The first audition features meth addict turned mom Jessica Brown. Jessica sings “I’ll Stand By You.” She has a very smoky flavor to her voice, and I think her version of the Pretenders’ classic is superior to Carrie Underwood’s version (yes, I know, blasphemy). I’m so glad she got a golden ticket.
Paul Stafford is a park attendant and a roller coaster enthusiast. Will his singing go up or go down? He sings my boychik Elliott Yamin’s hit, “Wait For You.” Sorry, Paul, but this rollercoaster ride is closed...indefinitely.
Beth Maddox sings Kelly Clarkson’s “Beautiful Disaster.” Well, she got it half right.
Next we are treated to a montage of bad singers hitting notes that don’t really exist.
Alaina Whitaker sings “Stronger.” She has a perfectly suitable voice, but these blond pop country types are starting to blend into one for me.
Bruce has never kissed a girl, let alone had sex with one. He wears some type of purity key that fits into a heart his dad wears around his neck. Scary that I know this about someone I just “met.” Bruce sings “Ain’t No Sunshine” and is totally meh. Well, at least he didn't sing “My Heart Belongs to Daddy.”
Pia Easley sings “I Got To Use My Imagination.” She has a big bluesy voice, and is a welcome change. She’s refreshingly different from the blond country-bots that have been auditioning. She gets a golden ticket.
Brandon Green brings his lucky bag of nail peels. I nearly vomited. Can’t he collect something more normal, like human skulls? Brandon sings “Rich Girl.” I’m too grossed out by his little hobby to care about his voice. Still, he nails the audition and gets a golden ticket.
Kayla Hatfield is another mama with a sad back story (horrific car accident). Her outfit is very “gypsies, tramps and thieves” and she speaks in this irritating baby voice. Yet she sings “Piece of My Heart” in a very big voice. I find her rather gimmicky, and I’m sure she’s going to get on my nerves if she gets past the Hollywood stage.
Erick Maudlin-just what is he singing and why?
Charles Markham-that was a Kelly Clarkson song?
Tristan Clement sings “Freedom.” I need freedom from his horrible singing.
Kady Malloy does vocal impressions but sounds best when she sings as herself. She sings Simon’s favorite, “Unchained Melody.” She has a good voice, but I find her a bit bland. Blandness doesn’t stop the judges from giving her a tongue bath. Yep, she’s off to Hollywood.
Douglas “Daddy Issues” Davison sings “Livin’ on a Prayer” like he’s trying to hold back from vomiting. What was up with that weird breathing? I think Douglas might be touched in the head, and the whole audition made me very uncomfortable. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.
Angela Reilly is married to a bo-hunk model aptly named Chad. Angela sings “Baby Love” and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” and sounds totally karaoke. Chad thinks Angela sings great. Well, models aren’t known for their brains. Angela doesn’t get a golden ticket.
Kyle Ensley wants to be the governor of Oklahoma if this American Idol thing doesn’t work out. His “Somebody to Love” is a bit college glee club. But I have a soft spot for political geeks considering I used to have a huge crush on George Stephanopoulos. After much spin and debate, Kyle is elected to go to Hollywood.
Tammy Tuzinski is the human equivalent of Ambien. Corpses show more personality. She sings “If You Asked Me To” (but mistakes it for “The Power of Love) and sounds absolutely horrid.
Colton Swon sings “Boondocks” and though his voice sounds good, I can’t get too enthused over him. He’s very much a bar singer, and I don’t know how well he’ll translate to the big stage.
Speaking of country, Drew Poppelreiter turns the country bumpkin schtick up to 11. Drew sings “Check Yes or No.” He has a nice voice but no “wow” factor. Still, he’s cute and I’m sure people will find him appealing.
Kyle Renner calls himself a rocker and I’m always up for a rocker; but he’s a like rocker character out of a teen movie written by a clueless 60 year old. And he’s orange! He sings Kelly Clarkson’s “Never Again.” Never again do I hope to hear Kyle sing.
Speaking of Kelly Clarkson, we now get a montage of people massacring Kelly’s song “Since U Been Gone.” What did Kelly do to deserve this? Piss in Nigel Lythgoe’s Cheerios?
Nina “Hot Legs” Shaw hails from Burleson just like Kelly Clarkson. She sings “Run to You.” I think if she taps more into her jazzy soulful side rather than her theatrical side, she might have something. At least she’s a change from all the country blondes. She’s going to Hollywood.
Idol being Idol saves the best for last. Ladies and Gentleman, brace yourselves for the song stylings of Reynaldo Lupaz. Reynaldo sings an original composition called “We’re Brothers Forever.” It’s such an inspiring song that Randy, Paula, Simon and even Ryan can’t help but get involved. I can’t even describe it. Yes, I can. Performance art for the red states.
No one really caught my attention at the Dallas auditions. Not surprisingly, there were a lot of country singers. But I’m hoping for something different. And does anyone think “We’re Brothers Forever” might become the American Idol 2008 coronation song? Hey, we’ve heard worst dreck.
Next week is the San Diego auditions.